LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT

 Have you ever had an epiphany? One of those “a-ha” moments where something just clicks for you? Maybe it’s something you've been struggling with for a long time, or maybe it was a piece of advice you learned from a friend. Due to certain circumstances that I found myself in lately, I got to spend some quality time with myself and I came to the following conclusions:

1.       I am the most important person.  I have to be my own best friend, you see when someone says  something I don’t like I  walk away but if I am the one putting myself down I can’t walk away from me so I might as well be nice to myself. At the same time however I must remember I am not the center of the universe.  Yes it’s incredibly difficult to think about the world from a perspective other than our own but it’s important to remove yourself as the center of the universe and pay attention to what’s going on in front of you, around you and inside you.

2.       We must love. You know the saying, “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” I know, such statements sound so trite and weak on the surface that we often dismiss them with a wave of the hand. But it’s the cold truth, a truth so profound that perhaps we can only discuss it with little clichéd statements. But we must love, even if it breaks our hearts. Love is the supreme expression of life; it is the essence and ground of all creation. At the same time Love isn’t enough, it is not enough to survive. We must take action to show others that we care to show them that we love them and whether we like it or not, often those who aren’t the easiest to love are the ones who need it the most.

3.       Relationships matter. Not every relationship matters all that much, but there are a few that really, really matter. It is important to know that friends change and that does not give us a reason to change the said friends. With that said you don’t need everyone to like you. Yes it’s a mammalian instinct to want to be liked, but you can’t value every relationship the same, and thus you can’t expect everyone to love you the same. Life doesn’t work that way, when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. But remember nobody makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who help you.

4.     You have to let it go. For me the hardest thing to do is trust, have faith and forgive when I have been wronged. This is the hardest lesson for me, MOVING ON, Huh, how I struggle, but you see the world does not stop for my grief. Yes my emotions are mine and I have every right to them but one has to move on. You see when you take things too seriously it just stresses YOU out. I have not worked on the kinks yet but I am learning to suck it up, keep my head high and continue with life as if what happened did not bother me.

5.       Happiness is not based on external status, it is an internal state. Neither money nor success can make me happy; At best it will pacify us momentarily. At worst it will ruin our lives, leaving one empty and depressed. However the secret to happiness is the acceptance of you.

6.        Honesty is profoundly important. Honesty, at the most simple level, is telling the truth, not lying. It’s incredibly important to be honest, and it’s hurtful when you’re not, but do not push to know a secret it might change your life (not positively). Honesty goes hand in hand with Openness; openness is just as important as honesty, actually it is more complicated than honesty, because it involves being honest, while painting an accurate picture, shooting straight, not misleading other people, and being real. Openness is far more subjective, and you have to be honest with yourself before you can be open with others.

7.       It’s OK to change; change is growth. We all want a different outcome, and at the same time most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t much fun. But when we learn to enjoy the process of change—when we chose to look at the uncertain as variety instead of uncertainty—then we get to reap all the rewards of change. And that’s how we grow as people.

8.       You must make change a must. You see only you know when you are unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled. If you are like me, I know this should change. A friend of mine quoted Anthony Robbins who aptly describes all these shoulds in my life: he says “after a while you end up shoulding all over yourself.” Anthony goes on to say when one understand this on an emotional level you are able to turn your shoulds into musts. So a decision is not a real decision until it is a must for you, until you are compelled to take action.

9.       Finding your passion is important. Maybe you already know what your passion is; maybe you don’t have a clue. Do yourself a favor and figure it out, it will change everything for you. Don't miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what’s to come.

10.   Doubt kills. The person who stops you from doing everything you want to do, who stops you from being completely free, who stops you from being healthy or happy or passionate or living a meaningful life is you.  We can doubt ourselves to death.

At the end of the day I’m still trying to figure it all out. I don’t intend to disseminate my views and opinions as some sort of absolute lessons by which you should live your life. What works for me might not work for you (hell, sometimes it doesn’t even work for me), but it is important to know just what is important for you.