THINGS EVERY WOMAN MUST KNOW ABOUT MEN, LOVE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.


2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.


4. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!


5.Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.


6. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!


7. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!


8. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.


9. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of all immoral women.


10. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women!


11. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

12. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

13. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!


14. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.


15. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.


16. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!


17. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!


18. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

19. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

20. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

21. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.


22. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!


23. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.
24. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!


25. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

ROMANCING ME

I keep saying how romance is important how your man, needs to play his part, how we women need to play ours. but in true reality One does not need another person in their life to have romance.  as in we are constantly saying that to truly be loved we need to love ourselves. so think about it,the depth of romancing oneself is a far cry from none at all….It repletes your senses& awakens your soul & embraces your heart! i did this one day last week and mhmmm .....When you get a free time try it, more so for us women......

1. Take yourself into a novel, or a magazine ….you decide….you can read yourself into the story, feeling the feelings of the characters’., or buy an erotic magazine…whatever pleases you. 

2. Have candles with your meals, even if you eat alone. even if your friends are around set up  the ambience you would to romance a partner.

3. Take a bath,  or if you are privileged to have a hot tub splash yourself in a tub with some Mr. Bubbles for a change…Now isn’t this sounding wonderful? Don’t forget some soft music or serene sounds of the ocean…whatever YOU want! 

You are romancing yourself remember, you do not need to wait for someone else to do it for you. Did you light some candles yet? Oh yes…light them candles! 

So…what do you think of romancing yourself? 

Have Romance! Romance the Erotic Essence of YOU!! Be Good to Yourself!

MY UNBORN CHILD

I ask God,"What makes a Mother?" doesn't A Mother have a baby? This we know is true, But, God, can you be a mother When your baby's not with you. How was it to be that I now am robbed of such joy? Of watching you grow or finding out if you’re a girl or boy. Never did I get to hear your cries or even see your tears,How do you love a person, who never got to be, or try to envision a face you never got to see?How do you mourn the death of one who never got to live.When there's nothing to feel good about and nothing to forgive? I am just left here now with pain and few memories, Of the days that were happy with you inside of me.For you were loved and wanted oh so much, What I would give just to have felt your touch.The hours crawl by yet the time does not seem to slow, I want to scream out to the world you are gone, why don’t they know? How is the world still turning when I feel it should have stopped? Why are people laughing and living when it feels like I can not? Not enough tears can be shed to express the love we have for you,
No words can describe what we all wanted to be able to do.I would have just held you and breathed in your sweet smell, Shouted with joy and phoned all the people we wanted to tell. But nothing will ever erase those sixteen weeks we had together,For a piece of my heart you now hold always and forever.

 

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HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

On Sunday the 13th, here in kenya we celebrated a very special breed of women that most of us call mothers. That sunday i had an opportunity to reflect on mother daughter relationships, you know how they evolve from her (mother) knowing everything to she knows alot, then as we get to around 12 the issues begin and she knows absolutely nothing. For my mum and I, my teen years were hell, she didnt understand me and stuff, it was a disater. If you had told me things would change, when hell freezez over,then when i turned 23 it was hmmm maybe she knows something and before i knew it, my thoughts were like before i make a decision maybe i should ask mum.I am still at my prime of 25, so i dont know how else its gonna evolve, but a mother is an amazing woman, who works so selflessly  think about, she cooked most of your meals, she packed your break. she always removed for you the clothes to wear. then we also made her into a hairdresser(we girls), i remember how my mum used to wash my  hair on a sink and then funga me a ponytail. she took you wherever you wanted to go. she stayed up with you when you were studying for you, sick or heck over a bad break up. someone told me that until you get someone who calls you mummy then you dont understand. we always tend to forget to thank her. Why dont we do stuff for her often, like valentines mothers day should be an everyday affair. May might ask what about the dads, important as they may be, the work of a mother is never done. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

WASTED LIVES

I wanna talk on a sensitive subject, one that i find we have so profoundly yet sneakily brushed under the carpet, HIV/AIDS. For me i learnt about it maybe class 8 to around form 1. I knew about this as it was in my fathers line of work, during that time frame, my parents and their friends and colleagues would gather us up and talk to us on this things and we would attend seminars. So i grew up knowing of its consequences. Due to my fathers influence in the arena i got an opportunity to meet influential people who went around talking of HIV/AIDS to people, I am talking of the likes of Joe Njoroge, Asumnta Wagura and many others. WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PEOPLE?  We(me included) don't talk about HIV in our circles of friends, ask yourself this  DO you have Friends who are HIV POSITIVE or know each other status?  We have become such a loose moraled society, so WHY ISN'T HIV/AIDS A MATTER OF CONCERN TO OUR SOCIETY? Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you wanna look at it, I got a chance to be at the Comprehensive Care Center at the KNH about 3 weeks ago and what i saw there scared me shitless(mind the language). Earlier that week i had read an article on a youth magazine "the INSYDER" and they had interviewed young people on their lifestyles, and one young girl stood out for me as she talked on sex and how they have no issues with it, i quote "the worst thing that can happen to me is i wont be here tomorrow but at least i will have gone having fun." WHAT THE_____? his should be an eye opener to all.  To many i might be an alarmist but look at it this way .HUBBY/BOYFRIEND has sex with YOU(wife) YOUNG GIRLS AND OLDER WOMAN.  Then you the WIFE has sex with YOUNG BOYS AND OLDER MAN. The YOUNG GIRL has sex with HER BOYFRIEND plus your HUBBY, The YOUNG BOY has sex with HIS GIRLFRIEND plus you WIFE. then We move to the OLDER MAN who is having sex with HIS WIFE plus YOU and YOUNG GIRL and the OLDER WOMAN IS also having sex with HER Husband and your Hubby. so think about it like this if you don't get it from your HUSBAND you might get it from your YOUNGER BOY or OLDER MAN and YOU also have the opportunity to give it to all three and all the people that they are sleeping with. This is one Twisted Cycle that will find us all dead. Mind you i am not saying that HIV/AIDS is only spread though sex but this is the only way that itwe get it through our own fault.HIV/AIDS had the ABC motto,Abstinence Be faithful use a Condom  and i am a firm believer that this works if properly adhered to. Let us be careful, life is a gift from God and we have absolutely no right to play around with it. As i end i want you to ASK yourself this question, if you found out you were HIV/AIDS positive what would our reaction be?

                GOOD WEEK
               
            

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO:18 Marriage Lessons...

THIS IS A RE-POST BUT IT REALLY MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO ME WHEN I READ IT.AS THIS ARE ALL THE THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE MY MARRIAGE TO BE. To commemorate the 18 great years since I married my college sweetheart, I took some time to think through 18 lessons that I’ve learnt about marriage in that time. So… here goes… 1. A great marriage consists of two good friends - everything else is hype 2. A cord of three strands is not easily broken 3. If one of us wins, we both lose 4. You’ll never meet all your spouses needs! 5. Marriage takes mutual sacrifice 6. Divorce is not an option 7. Our marriage is the means to an end 8. We need a common approach to parenting 9. We need a common approach to in-laws 10. Takes a lot of time to get it right! 11. If you can’t lend trust, don’t get married! 12. Opposites attract! And soon attack :-) 13. These are the ‘good old days’ 14. If the grass is greener on the other side, water yours! 15. Don’t be a ‘child centered’ marriage 16. Absence makes the heart go wander 17. Parenting is a team sport 18. Schedule spontaneity!

WOMEN'S PREROGATIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are hard; they want and require a lot of work. They are made hard by the fact that they constitute two humans beings of the opposite sex, with different wirings and expectations of the other. (So does this make same sex relationships easier, mind you am not condoning it) My best friend told me that a man is a man and I should therefore let him be. This might be true but that doesn’t mean a man gets the opportunity or leeway to do as he pleases regardless of a woman’s emotions and feelings. Yes there are certain fundamentals that we have to let be, and I have no intentions nor should any woman want to change a man but if those fundamentals are infringing on my feelings and you as the man have absolutely no respect for them due to the fact that “I am a Man” then baby better be prepared to meet the wrath of a woman. In this regard I am talking about what is popularly known as side Dishes, as in affairs, I totally disagree that a man has to cheat, that it is in his nature or that men do not have the word monogamy in their dictionary. Mr. Rights best friend once told him that he should take his fun where and when he can. (Talk of misinformation) I am not going to be hypocritical and say women are the best, that we are always the victims, I mean I switch on your stations and listen to the filth that is spewed by certain women, heck I have guys in my life who are having affairs with married WOMEN and we also have been known to take each others boyfriends, heck even I have had affairs. I will not speak on behalf of men as I do not subscribe to their way of thinking, but what happened to the expectations we have as women? What questions do we ask ourselves? What is the final straw that breaks your back? What is too much for you? Is this an open relationship? Am I allowed to cheat because you are? Guys and also we chic’s have made fun of “the List” that dictated what we want in a man/ woman. I am of the opinion that it guided ones boundaries. Therefore the questions above would become moot as one knew what we expected of my man. “The List” was made to be unrealistic and then it became worse, due to the ratio of men to women, we have been made to feel that we women are few and therefore extremely lucky should you have a man. Is this really true? Do you consider yourself lucky if the man you are so supposedly lucky to have, cheats on you constantly, beats on you, is a pathological cheat? Why did we as women have to adjust our expectations? When did it become acceptable to be with a man who cheats on you? Why did we as women cheapen ourselves? What are we supposed to teach our daughters, younger sisters or any other young girl in society? Women are the backbone of a community and if we cannot value ourselves or hold ourselves up in dignity, who will? I don’t want to be that girl, the one who stands here and hears what you supposedly didn’t do with that girl. I need to be the one with the courage to leave to get that person that God made for me, the one who has been put on Earth for just me and this should be all women across the board. Am I saying Wake up and leave your relationship, NO, I am saying LOVE yourself more to know what is or isn’t good for you. GOOD WEEK ALL

JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: WIFE

I am scared, why lie, I am a firm believer in until death do us part. It’s one thing to get a good man but you also need to be a good woman for him I mean no doubt you can list the qualities you would want in a mate. It is much more difficult, however, to look at yourself to determine how you can contribute to a marriage. The jokes are there on how in marriage there is one who is right then then there is the husband, but seriously, to be a good wife, what does it take? Is it being a good cook or taking care of the home? These questions have plagued my head for quite a while now. In the not so distant past, the perception of what a wife and her roles were, vastly differed from today’s accepted views. A "good" wife was stereotyped as a soft-spoken, submissive homemaker who was the universal mother and visually stimulating even though the situation possibly resembled servitude more than companionship. So yes the times have changed drastically now a wife has the choice to be a supportive homemaker who provides services for her husband out of love and adoration, which are reciprocated by him or she is now allowed to bear nearly half of the financial responsibility in a household and balances the household responsibilities with her husband equally. The Bible often refers to a good wife being a good thing. And then in the book of proverbs it gives a detailed account of what exactly a good wife is and does. In Africa., at least how I read is, the girl child has been confused, I am just saying that since the fight of equality started taking place, the expectation on HER is high, we are taught that we have to succeed in school that we are equals to the boy child, we know that what a man can do we can do better (something we have pushed too far) then comes an age where if you are not married then it starts being frowned upon. If you are about to get married then you are taught things that as a child you grew up knowing as old fashioned. Qualities such as loyalty, honesty and the ability to compromise are something that I hold dear and I think make a good marriage( best way to show submissiveness, if you ask me ). Having a mate with whom to share life's joys and sorrows is truly a blessing; the hard part is staying true to yourself and not losing it when trying to play a role.

THE DATE

The past weekend, I got a chance to meet new friends and we started talking, we talked on everything from death to marriage, anything that we could talk about was covered. The most interesting and controversial topic for the night however was on dating. The men had their slightly ambiguous ideas and the women had more conflicting thoughts. From lists of qualities that women make, the pressures of what to do, where to take her, to who pays for the date? This was the funniest line for me on dating, this guys says: that it’s not embarrassing to meet a girl on line; it’s more embarrassing to meet her in a bar (really) . It was an awesome night one filled with laughter and one that gave me quite a number of flashbacks. I am one of those women to whom romance is a must, I need it the way a man stuck in a dessert needs a drink of water. So I think that Dating is an awesome time in someone’s life. It’s like a new car, you love having it and at the same time you do not want to over use it. You know what I mean. Coz when I get my flash backs or those tidbits that one remembers, I enjoy the most those first days of getting to know someone. The excitement, the constant texts, the calls that last most of the night. The movie dates, or ice cream at java. A first date is loaded with expectancy, will he like me and will I like him? If or when we get physical how does that go, when we kiss, shall the memory of that kiss give me butterflies?( I remember a blast from the past who would play a mix CD of very romantic music from in the kitchen by R Kelly to sexual healing by Marvin Gaye every time we were together.) At the end of the night we had come to a mutual understanding that dating is crazy business. In our confused and slightly inebriated minds we came up with a few dating rules, this are some of the few I could remember. 1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual 2. Do date only people you're attracted to, no matter what your friends say. 3. Don't call, text message or email someone you've just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs. 4. Don’t make yourself too available. 5. Keep him guessing and wanting more. 6. Do not share excessive details about your past 7. You shall compliment her 8. Don't ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged -- and make sure to tell your friends where you're going and when you'll be back. 9. Please do not lead her on The last and most important thing is 10. Don't check out other people when you're on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. None of all this is in chronological order or importance, but they are true. Women are the easiest people to understand. We only ask for ATTENTION, be it a woman in her 50s, a widowed woman, married or divorced, that is all we want. And we mainly get it through romance and this is mainly achieved in Dating. If you are single get yourself out there and date, if you are in relationship this is tricky coz to be really honest I am still searching on how to get it, as it takes two parties.

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO:THE HUSBAND

As I get into this journey of marriage I find myself with so many thoughts. Thoughts of stuff like the roles played by us (those in the relationship), what is expected? I am A and The woman in this relationship and most of my perceptions of men have been greatly influenced by my dad. Unlike most women I didn’t have that list of what my man would be like, all I knew, was that he has to have a tumbo (big tummy) yes (weird but it’s the only requirement). I don’t know where this thought originated from but it seems to be of importance as it runs through my mind often. I might not have the ridiculous expectations of that, he has to be 6 feet, a balance account of less that 40k, but it’s something of importance. One of the thoughts I have been having is that the role of husbands and fathers in a marriage tends to mesh into one another; so much that it becomes blurred on who does what. It’s been said that a girl can find her prince but her father will always be her king. A father is such a monumental person, he is not just a mentor and role model, but he also teaches more than how to say ones ABC’s. From my dad I learnt a lot from how he treats his wife to how dedicated he is to his career, he gave me my first impressions on how men behave. So with all this in mind, maybe those lists that women carry or make some might be unrealistic but it kinda makes sense. For me, when I think of the perfect husband/father is one who puts his family first, one who shares parenting with his wife, that he can guide his children to be good citizens. A man who knows romance is not a slap on the ass and “how about it?” one who is encouraging and supportive, not just to his children but wife and family as a whole. One who knows his wife needs time out and hobbies too. Who listens and can communicate, and has absolutely no fear in showing his love and appreciation. Mr. Right and I don’t live together nor do we have children but this are the qualities I hope he shall portray. I hope that I will reflect the same qualities back to him. Love is a complicated thing; it can be easy and light without a care in the world. Then at times it’s backbreaking through trenches of mud. A married couple I know told me that even the best of us can get lost and let our loved ones down. It doesn’t matter as long as MOST OF THE TIME we are empathetic and loving, trying to meet each other’s needs. Most of us think of the wedding and not past it, you know. My prayer is that this marriage works till death do us part.

APPRECIATION

Hmmm you smell really good………………………. At times I look at you and I wonder how my life without you would be…………………. Thanks for all that you are ……………….. Where am I going with this? It’s said that all a husband or a wife wants is to be pitied a little, praised a little and appreciated a little. I want to talk about appreciation, as a child when you are told good girl/boy, that is heavenly , at school (in front of people) wow that is pure bliss, at your work place, extra motivation. Do you think that your man should complement you, or do you think that compliments are vital? (I DO) Well to the saying above (highlighted Portion) SO TRUE at least for ME as a woman. I enjoy and to be very honest I expect to be appreciated, to be loved and cared for by man (MR RIGHT,). To some it may be expecting too much but hey a girl is entitled to what she wants. This is because then I feel like he understands me more. Believe it or not, words of appreciation spoken directly from a romantic partner, go far in paving the way to a happy relationship and it takes more that a “hey baby, you are hot” to really win the points(with me at least). . Trivial as it may seem notice my hair, or a new scent. When I make a good meal appreciate it (don’t boycott it). It’s like a stabbing pain when you feel that you are not being appreciated, Being Appreciated is an emotional need, and this is not surprising, because without close satisfying relationships, our life’s become lonely, boring and meaningless. This is not for women only but for guys as well, as in do this compliment him often, the things that do it for you, his height, when he shaves, happy relationship makes life exciting, meaningful and fulfilling. TRY IT (both men and women)

PLAIN HAPPINESS

Are you ALIVE? It said that One essential standard for living is being able to be happy. Are you HAPPY? They say happiness is a choice, which is true but it takes a whole load of either self worth or self recognition to understand that statement. I don’t know about you, but I battle with happiness. I find happiness like seasons may come and go. . What is Happiness? I think most people are looking for happiness, but we really don’t know the true meaning of it. According to Wikipedia Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. (I kind of agree with it). For the longest of times I thought, happiness comes from being liked, that if everyone liked me I would be happy and so I worked hard to be the epitome of perfection. I believed that Happiness could be found in many different forms, either in shopping, being a YES person, having people around me or even in my Reading. Happiness IS a state of mind, and in order for one to be truly happy, you need to be able to understand that everything is good within your own life. For me it meant that I understood that everything that has happened in my past happened for a reason, way beyond my control, and coz of it I am a better person. I also found that the best kind of happiness is when you know that you are able to care for someone and that they may care about you. It can be as simple as your friends, but that you care about them enough that you want what is best for them and in return they want the same for you. I am not saying that I am constantly happy, but I am satisfied in knowing that I Continue to Exist among other people, animals and things and that one day I may cease to exsist, but I want to be remembered for my Energy and ripple effect through time Everyone I know says they are

LETTER TO A CHEATING MAN

I haven’t blogged in forever, time just flies and the thoughts in my head are all over the place to a point that the voices have started drowning each other out. This blog will probably get mixed reactions, but DON'T get me wrong I am happy in my relationship and am looking forward to getting married and getting into the next phase of my life. I have always thought that there is nothing as bad as thinking your man has cheated on you, and then I learnt it gets worse when you actually know he is cheating on you. This is the second worst feeling, Saturday I was with a few women while having a few glasses of wine we talked of the things that they have witnessed and experienced in their marriages and relationships respectively, I know we are told to forgive and forget and while that might (don’t know) be possible, I think it gives one (women that is) a sense of paranoia, whereby it’s a case of once bitten twice shy. Recently I did a course and Laimani (Alabastron) taught me one thing on letting go and leaving it at the cross (did this with Mr. Right and, we are (or I am) as happy as we (I) can be.)I told this group of women the same thing. They asked how it’s possible and I told them the one exercise that I did with Laimani was to write down his good traits and how she taught me to confront the issue. For many of us women we don’t know how to confront without being angry or being abusive and in my process of healing I did just that, I sat down and wrote a letter to help me let go of my anger and hurt. Hi Writing this letter is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am sorry that my love wasn't to your expectation, but I loved/love you to the best of my ability. I am angry coz you have made me a fool. The love I have for you is so.......that I have closed my ears to my friends who whisper behind my back on your infidelity and ask how I can stay, to the point that they believe I am getting exactly what I deserve if I can’t stand for myself. I know about your affair, you have hidden it from me for as long as you could but yet spoke so freely to your friends. To be honest you behavior shocks me, often you said you love me and you want me, this is what I can’t get to apprehend, how can you lie to me? Right to my face. You said we were best friends, now I know better as no friend would do this to another. You always knew trust was a major thing for me, yet it was the one thing you betrayed. Of course I know, we girls tend to know, but I played the deaf ear and blind eye to it (denial. I told myself, no, no he can’t be cheating on me. How am I expected to trust you? I wish you could talk to me about it, and help me understand your actions and deeds, but please, don't tell me I wasn't there, don't tell me it’s something I did or didn't do. As it is my world has turned into a dark, empty and bottomless pit. I am falling into an unknown and I can do nothing about it. You keep abusing the tiny trust that I am working so hard to build up in you. How would you react if the game was turned and it was me doing this? I am not saying things are perfect (show me a relationship that is) and I know you owe me nothing, but I wish you would have handled things more carefully. At least given me some slight respect. I am sorry if my expectations of you were higher than you could achieve. Sometimes I close my eyes and wish it was a prank, or KISS 100 has called me with a gotcha crew. You have left me lost, confused, hurt, more sick than I have ever felt and all this was because I had truly loved you. If you want to put the blame on me, why couldn’t you let me go when you sensed things weren’t right or just maybe I wasn’t enough for you. I am trying to believe you and I take your apology for just that, and I know somewhere inside me I can forgive you. My forgiveness won’t be now or tomorrow, please understand that I am angry, hurt and in despair. Understand that I am at my lowest point and I know it can’t get worse than this. I am not sure I love you the way I did but I do know it’s still there. Your hurting gal friend PS:to all the women It actually works, you don’t have to give it to him, this is all for your healing, and especially if you have decided to stay. And if you believe that the love you have is strong. It works. Give it a try. PS:S to Mr. Right if you are reading this i truly love you but i sure aint going through this again.

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: KUHANDA ITHIIGI

I started writing this blog as we waited for Mr. Right and his family and friends to come, I was so nervous that this first line is all I could write. I could hear the singing going on (OK, I was peeping from the upstairs room) and then to add to the bugs in my tummy, my people weren’t opening. Oh my nerves at that point hit the roof. So I went back to my room where I was with my gals. To be very honest it was the most nerve wrecking time of my life. Then I saw them come in and I started settling. This whole experience to be very honest was quite eye opening. I am not talking about the actual day here; I am talking about the whole week leading to the event. At one point I had told my bro we go to Narok on the day of, the day before the event I had told Mr. Right we elope and then just have his family go by themselves and state that their son has stolen their daughter, anything not to face that whole crowd. Remember when I was saying we had a guest list of 100 people waah, what a huge underestimation, we had over 150 people present. Anyway back to my jitters, throughout the week, Mr. Right was cool calm and collected, and here I was in such a panicked state (ooh how this pissed me off). Throughout the day my mum had been weepy and all, I didn’t get why, then, I was told to come down and I had to be covered in lesso so that he can identify me (I had leaked the color of lesso I was going to have on, didn’t want him to be fined), then the floodgates opened, it was a realization that now I am no longer just their child but I am soon to be someone’s wife. My mum had once told me she needs to prepare herself as I am on my way out and it had never hit me. So as my gals and Boys were being covered in lessos I was standing there with my tears flowing down. Now, the tradition is that those of my body type and height were to walk with me, but then my two cousins (male) were changed and put in my gals places, my gals were in the first group so picture this, I am covered from head to toe, my feet have been adorned socks and those next to me are two men, don’t you see why I had to leak it to him. Then he is asked whether it’s me and he says yes and I confirm that he is the reason as to why we have guests in our home. Then my aunt gives me a seat and I seat. As in the whole reason for my nerves, the whole freaking out, tears streaming, arguments over the dress( yes we finally settled on the one mum wanted) has culminated to me being seated in a chair, REALLY! REALLY! REALLY! It felt so …………….. (No words can describe it). Then they go upstairs and we are called again and I am asked whether my people should pick whatever goods they have brought (of course the answer was yes). All in all it was an awesome day. It was full of tradition; it was all I wanted and more. So sure I was worried and I was nervous and yes we were teary (mum and I) but it was everything I wanted and more. I am officially on the journey to being Mrs. Right. I am so thankful and grateful to my friends who turned up and supported me, Waithi and Charity, for breathing with me as I got those anxiety thingies. Thanks so much, now to the next phase in our lives. Oh and Mr. Right, thank you for making it all possible. I truly do love you.

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: Pre Wedding Jitters

WARNING THIS IS A VENUE FOR ME TO RANT AND RAVE ON THE PROCESS OF ME BECOMING A WIFE, SO IT MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE Ok, so the date has been set (yep) and at the end of this month we officially start the negotiation ceremonies, the one thing I want in this whole step is the cultural aspect, I am so less bothered with the white wedding, that, I will do more for my family. The traditional steps are normally four, the first one being a ‘kuhanda Ithiigi” (a booking ceremony) then followed by a Ruracio (dowry payment) negotiations) then followed by the itaara (where you go see the boys home) then last but not least, kuhoya uhiiki ( asking for the wedding). We are at the first step and so I am planning the first visit which is the Kuhanda ithiigi, this is the introduction of families, the booking of the bride and for our families to start preparing and accepting that we want to be man and wife. This is where the pre wedding jitters start, don’t get me wrong, I think Mr. right is the right guy for me, and I Do want to spend the rest of my life with him, however the switch of roles is the hard part, for the past couple of years we have been boyfriend and girlfriend and those roles have been perfect, OK so the road has not been smooth and we definitely have had our tough times, but then we both had the luxury to go home. It wasn’t like we had been closed in and ooh we live together so we have to……..if I got tired I went home, if we didn’t want to see each other we didn’t even call but now we start a new journey, and the responsibilities that this roles carry are magnanimous, before I started writing this article, I was talking to my pal and I was like now I cant tell him to get chips hapo chini, now I need to make sure he is well fed. Where did all this start, as I said at the end of the month we have the first visit, something that I knew was so far away, so was not that ati pressured, then on Thursday my mum tell me we are 70 something and Mr. right tells me they are 30 something so we need to accommodate at-least 100 people, ooh and my folks (even dad has gotten into the mix) are like “oh we forgot to invite so and so” as in do this people know I am shy and that I am not sure on how to face such a crowd. Anyway so as I said I want it really traditional, as in fermented porridge, muratina (ya mwana ni nyuo ni ya mwana). So Friday morning pap, off to have muratina done and the person says waah that is so soon, and then it hits us ( was with mum) we have no idea who is cooking for this crowd ( PRESSURE MUCH) anyway the muratina was found and guess what I got ruhia’s (traditionally muratina was drank from a ruhia, this is a cows horn) and tuhiururi (calabash, for porridge) so I started getting excited but still with butterflies in my tummy. Then my mother asks me what are you wearing and I am like I don’t know so we start dress shopping, then my mother sees this lovely outfit and she say that this is what you are wearing and you will do your dreads like this and have them curly here( she truly doesn’t want to let go) anyway I don’t like the outfit and I tell her so and she tells me whatever dress you wear I have to approve of it, so she tells me,drop me home and go shop sawa mum. That is what has happened this week in my planning shall update more on the drama, Mr. Right and his family are meeting today will definitely add sugar to this dish

NEW YEAR AND LOSS OF A LOVED ONE

I haven’t posted in such a long time as in the cobwebs that have accumulated, waah, I have truly neglected this blog. HAPPY NEW YEAR::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::MERRY CHRISTMAS ::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Or any other holiday that I have missed. For me I have so many plans for the New Year. I have however vowed no resolutions. I am looking forward for Mr. Right and his people to come home and start the dowry payment negotiations. I am looking forward to my best friend graduating and her coming home in June. I started my year with Syke and Energy. This blog however has nothing to do with happy new year or what the year has in store for me. well you see, on the 2nd day of the year we received such horrendous news that a niece has died. It was so hard to absorb, we really didn’t want to accept. Then the circumstances of her death made it worse. Let me tell you, we all know that Violence against women is rampant and it’s a monster eating away at our society. We always hear of it happening, stories of women in hospital cause of being abused by their partner, but until it hits home, we never really know the impact it holds, I mean think about the Former NTV Ms Kabiru , who was found dead in their bedroom by her brother who broke the door out of curiosity only to find her body, only her family know the trauma of it. Then on December 21st Mary Kagure was laid to rest, exactly one week after she was brutally murdered by someone she had loved, her fiancé. She was stabbed several times on the neck and chest. She died on the spot, helpless. We hear of such stories and we cringe. Then now it’s our very own, Yvonne. GIRLS, WOMEN if a man hits you please leave, as in ‘when he raises his hand, use your God given feet and flee’. Please if you know someone in such a relationship help them leave. Therefore: This BLOG I DEDICATE IT To YVONNE MAINA: a beautiful woman with a loving soul. Fare thee well and farewell for a while. We would like for you to come back And stay a while with us. for No farewell words were spoken. No time to say good-bye. You were gone before we knew it, And only God knows why. Secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose you, No one will ever know. Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in His Keeping. We have you in our Heart. RIP YVONNE

MY DAY

Finally the day has come, A day I have waited for a whole year, Today I celebrate the day that I was born, Can you believe it is the day, the day that I was expelled from the womb, a day like today 25 years ago; I was born into this wonderful world, where I have witnessed so many things, both good and bad. Today is a wonderful day. I take time to thank my parents, for the love, care, nourishment, encouragement, for I have lived this long, I couldn’t do it without them. Life has brought many friends my way, some became best friends, others became acquaintances, and others became enemies. I thank Jehovah for all that I have experienced, and as I start this new phase of my life, I pray that he will walk with me and guide me. I know there will be trials along the road but I know with him he shall guide me. This is a great day for me.

24 THINGS LEARNT WHILE 24

24 THINGS I LEARNT WHILE I WAS 24 This week in exactly 2 days to be precise, I turn 25, what a scary thought. As a child, 25 was ancient and to be very honest it still is, I mean, it’s only 5 short years from the big 3 0. Anyway, I sat down this weekend and reflected on all the things that I have gone through, seen, and I was like, you know its true life is really the best teacher. I realized I have gone through a lot, but I will give you a list of the 24 biggest things I learnt: 1. Love yourself. Become your own priority: this came a bit late but am working on it, 2. Some things just aren’t meant to be. And if they aren’t, move on to what is waiting to be. 3. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time. 4. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness. 5. Nothing heals wounds like time. Sure some things will always hurt when you reminisce on them, but with every passing day, time will help lessen that pain. 6. Friends become strangers. And more importantly, vice versa. 7. Goodbyes are always sad. Especially when you know that it will most likely be the last time you see that person ever again. 8. Pictures are of great importance especially of loved ones and get-togethers. Take many, there will come a day when you are glad you did. 9. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence. 10. People deserve a second chance, but not a third. 11. Consider things from another’s point of view rather than your own all the time 12. Bottling up your feelings slowly kills you on the inside. Find someone you can talk to. 13. Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child. 14. Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest. 15. What you learn in school doesn’t really matter. You rarely use it actually, 16. It so important to be able to manage your time and money. 17. When you lie, you eventually get caught. That is a guarantee. 18. We are all social beings, but at times it doesn’t hurt to be an island. You learn so much about yourself, other people and the world when you’re alone. 19. People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking- especially the man in your life 20. Accept and embrace change, its hard but you have to move with the times. 21. Always be honest with yourself and others. It creates a name for you. 22. Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. 23. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. 24. The most important one was this IN ORDER TO GET, YOU HAVE TO GIVE. – SUPPORTING, GUIDING AND MAKING CONTRIBUTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE IS ONE OF LIFE’S GREATEST REWARDS. EVERYTHING YOU DO COMES BACK AROUND. When I turn 25 I shall tell you what I plan to achieve by the time I am 30

NO TITLE

This is a letter of apology, whom am I apologizing to, Mr. Right for one, a friend, anyone who saw me, my family……………………what am I apologizing for? Now that’s the million dollar question, but from what I hear my actions on Tuesday were not exactly of my kind of behavior, I don’t want to give excuses and I don’t want to blame anyone or anything. Only I am responsible for my actions. To Mr. Right, I don’t want you to think that I may not always feel or know the value of this gift, and I have become painfully aware of the failure that I represent, of not being able to remember certain events that have transpired. I have heard different stories of what happened and some say I was drunk, (but I know myself, I have photographic memory I remember details) anyway no excuses no nothings. Think happy thoughts I keep on telling myself, but am scared, angry, confused and so apologetic coz the things I hear I did, sound so horrendous. I feel like I am taking advantage of the exquisite and unique nature of love.

WHY ITS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN

I am officially proud to be a woman, not in the orthodox way, but in a less conventional point of thinking. To get my point you will definitely have to read this. I don’t know about all you women out there, but I have definitely been told that I talk a lot (this is a plus for me, coz when I am quiet I am absolutely up to no good). I have also been in a situation whereby, a dude will tell me waaah si your friend can talk or this chic can talk a mile a minute .Well to all who have been clustered in the group of talkative women, or have listened to your male friends go on and on about talkative women, well this is the best READ ever. Believe it or not, one half of the population has always suspected it and the other half vocally denies it. So today I am the bearer of good news, it all comes from reading a book called the female mind and it has been scientifically proven that we women talk THREE TIMES MORE than men. Deal with it. Whoop whoop aren’t you proud to be a woman, I mean that whole belief of what a man can do a woman can do better has just been scientifically proven. As in if you put it into an average number of words, its 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man to be exact. This was a good day for women, one might ask, so what, how does it benefit you, well did you know that the simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.(AWESOME). According to the people behind this theory and to be more specific one Dr Luan Brizendine, “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road” and this is why we treat the world in a different way. The funny thing is all this differences can be traced back to the womb, where the sex hormone testosterone moulds the developing male brain. We also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing our own voice (explains why I talk to myself). This to my guys (so that you don’t feel too bad) apparently what the male brain may lack in conversation and emotion, they more than make up with in their ability to think about sex. What was the best part of this read for me was to understand why Mr. Right goes blank in the middle of an argument. Oh well, hope you are jazzed as I am