LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT IN MY RELATIONSHIP

        Today we celebrate an anniversary. . . and i am reflecting on  all that we have been through. It has been an amazing FIVE  years with Mr. right and in all total honesty i LOVE our RELATIONSHIP.  It has not been easy thats for sure, we have had our tests and trials and i believe  many more are to come. . .What have i learnt in the past five years?

1. IT IS NOT ALL 50-50 -they tell us that we must give equally however  it rarely happens, at times its 30- 70 or even 60-40. What matters is that the 60 person isn't resentful of the person who is giving 40 percent.

2. YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR MATE - We are so good at the blame game and poor at pondering on how we can become better partners, too often people embark upon a relationship with the expectation of changing their partners into the ideal they want. I have learnt to try and change a person is a setup for a huge let down. . . get to know him and understand him then you will accept him.

3. YOU NEED MORE THAN LOVE - Love is a starting Point but to survive it, it needs to be tempered by tolerance, tenacity, humor and humility and even this is not a guarantee it will last .We just have to learn to apply coping skills.

4.OPPOSITES ATTRACT - While its helpful to have a lot in common with your significant other maintaing ones individuality is important. Imagine you can create whatever type of relationship you want by working together with your Significant other.

5.THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP - Their is no definitive 'right way" to be a good spouse or to handle any relationship challenge that life throws you. All you can do is what works for you rather than follow some standard.

6. NOBODY'S PERFECT - Instead of focusing on his shortcomings (hard as it may be) concentrate on the qualities that attracted you in the first place.

7. SEX IS IMPORTANT - It might not be everything but it registers higher on the "importance scale"Stop thinking of the Actual physical act. Touching carresing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

8. YOU JUST CANT VENT YOUR FEELINGS - Getting things off your chest might feel good but at times we blurt out stuff in the heat of the moment that you risk damaging a whole load of stuff.

9.YOU CANT CURE PROMISCUITY - Just because you are in a long term relationship it does not mean monogamy. 

          Yes it has not been a bed of roses but i would still go on this journey with Mr. Right. 

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close" Pablo Neruda,

CELEBRATION OF MY LIFE

God thank you for this beautiful day.I know you’ll make it perfect in every way. This day is very special to me for this is the day I was born you see. You would think that when reaching my 26th milestone of existence,I’d know a little something about life but I feel naïve to the world and its workings.I know nothing yet I am old enough to know better, but not old enough to be considered wise. 

They say i am young enough to still kick up my heals but not young enough to be considered adorable. You placed me on earth for a purpose I know and I am truly having fun. No, I am not doing anything crazy, wild or loud no, I really do not care if I am alone or with a crowd. For I am so happy deep down inside that I could burst out and sing..So yes, it’s my birthday today and my age is really no big deal.

I feel like I’ve just begun. Where do I want to be Ten years from now? Twenty? What do I hope to accomplish? What mark on the world will I leave? Good, bad, ugly, or nonexistent. Will I be any wiser or will I still feel like the amateur that I am? All I know, is that I have a young brain in an ever aging, always ticking body.

 So bring on the next 50 years, Life.I'm ready to tackle you and experience your crazy roller coaster ride of wonders. I will accomplish great things or die trying.That's a certainty.So bring on the cake, bring on the ice cream. Let's get this party started. Because  I still have a lot left to do. 

MAYBE. . . MAYBE NOT

Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong person before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe it is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours

SELF PROCLAIMED KNOW IT ALL

Recently, I hung out with a friend who repeatedly made disparaging comments about long term relationships, marriage etc… He is convinced that people in long term relationships are stupid and are not really happy (of course conveniently ignoring or maybe trying to take a slight jab at me since I am in a long term relationship.)

I just simply said that all people are different. Some people can be happy in long term relationships, some aren’t.  He wasn’t too convinced and continued to make cynical remarks, despite the fact (puzzlingly enough) his parents have been happily married for about 30 years, which he admits they seem pretty happy.

A lot of people who are staunchly against long term relationships/marriage are either 

a.) hurt too much by past experiences (but I’ve found many of those people can be rehabilitated) or 

b.) they’ve never been in an actual long term relationship or had any real experience with romance. 

Those who fall under the “b” category are usually the worst offenders.  (Just to note not ALL people who’ve never really experienced romance are cynical. In fact, I would say most aren’t.) I think those who are cynical towards love AND in the “b” category are that way because they are bitter.They hear about people making mistakes and falling in and out of love and they say “HA! YOU FOOLS!” As if they know better. As if their lack of experience simply makes them “smarter.”  As if they “chose” to not be in a relationship because they are so “smart.”

But how can they even know or understand if they’ve never even been in those people’s shoes? Honestly, if you do not have experience, why dole out advice on something you really know nothing at all about?

Whenever I hear about people having issues with their relationships, I don’t rush to judgment, because while I have relationship experience it doesn’t mean I necessarily understand EVERY issue in relationships.

All relationships are dynamic because every person involved is different. Sure they can be some guidelines on what is a successful relationship but it’s not the end all be all; different things work for different people.

So as you can tell, my friend falls under the “b” category. He’s never had a relationship. I’m not really sure he’s ever kissed a girl. There’s actually not much wrong with him so I’m not sure why he’s never been in any kind of romantic situation. But I think with every passing year (he’s now in his late 20s) he becomes more self-conscious of his “lack of experience” and in response he has the following defense mechanism:

“Obviously I’ve never been in a relationship because I CHOOSE not to, because relationships are dumb and only stupid people do it. And it’s a waste of time that prevents you from being successful and satisfied in life. After all it just leads to break-ups and what not etc…” Which is silly because he knows plenty of people who are in relationships and successful and happy.  Perhaps he wants to convince himself they really aren’t?

Ultimately, I think the smart thing to do is if you do not have much experience in romance or relationships you should give advice in a limited capacity.  Just like I wouldn’t ever try to dictate an opinion to a surgeon regarding some complicated surgery he is about to perform, simply because I have watched live surgeries and looked up procedures online. That would be dumb. The same goes for people who lack experience in romance, why act like an authority on a subject you have never experienced?

I guess I’m just frustrated. But do you agree? Shouldn’t people gauge their knowledge base and then respond accordingly? Or are you just like my friend, who thinks he knows everything despite lack of experience?  

OBTAINING HAPPINESS

 I will be the first to admit that there are ooop sorry i meant were times when i could get so low that i honestly have no idea where next...... I have searched for happiness in so many places...Funny enough i am experiencing such happiness that  i can't explain all i can say is that its Jehovah....you know it says in the book of Phillipians 4.7 that the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus. so thats the only way i can explain about my happiness......So as i did i realized that there are things that we each can do to make our lives a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go and letting God, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. so if you wanna experience a fraction of my joy then give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and embrace change. 

One would ask how feasible this is and its simple start by:

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT: It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL: Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are.

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME: Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK:Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS: Spread your wings and fly!

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING: Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM: We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS: Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. 

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE: Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

10. GIVE UP LABELS: Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS: Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES: Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST: I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. 

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT: This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. 

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS: Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their spouses, their partners and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

HOW TO BE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

"WE’RE CAPTAINS OF OUR SHIP: PARTNERSHIP, FRIENDSHIP"I heard this quote in a seminar i once attended and i had been questioning myself is it possible to be happy, in love, and have a relationship that lasts in today’s elec- tronic, e-mail, voice-mail culture? All people change over time,  people sometimes say that their partner has changed . "They're not the person i met all those years ago!' no - they're not. Chances are that you both have changed in many ways such as interests, confidence and attitudes.Most couples go through a number of stages in their relationships:

1.IN LOVE ...this is a time when couples wear rose-tinted glasses, and idealise each other.
 2.RECOGNISING DIFFERENCES .. begin to be aware of the differences between them, and become more realistic in their view of each other. 

3.I WANT TO BE ME …here you are learning how to be individuals and much of the energy of the two partners goes into establishing their own lifestyle 

4.TOGETHER BY CHOICE ...process of finding each other again, of seeking greater intimacy and deepening the relationship.  this phase represents the end of the journey from being "in love" to "loving". 

How do you know you are in a healthy relationship?

❏  You feel secure and happy when you’re together and alone—not sad, suspicious, angry, or deprived.  ❏  You are inspired by each other to fulfill your dreams and become the best you can be.  ❏  You are generous and giving—you want to give all you can to your partner, and are so fulfilled that you also want to give to everyone else around you.  Of course, every relationship goes through changes, let’s face it. you just don’t wake up one morning in a bad relationship. the un- healthy symptoms have been there all along—you just weren’t paying attention to them ... or you chose to ignore them. As in sawa you and him may have explosive sexual encounters, but how does he treat you outside the bedroom? like everything else that is worthwhile to achieve, you have to work at it. surviving the ups and downs becomes the glue that keeps you to- gether….Try the 6 H's  to a healthy relationship:

• 1. Honesty. 

Finances can be shaky, sex imperfect, stress overwhelming, but all those things can be overcome. Trust is essetial. If trust is broken, your heart is broken. Everything else seems to tumble down, prob- lems become less tolerable, and compromises less appealing.

• 2. Harmony.

Two people in love similarly make beautiful music together. They don’t need to be the same; in fact, they are more well-rounded when they have differences, like the harmonized musical notes. Their in- dividual choices of notes fit. Y

• 3. Heart.

The heart is the major organ of the body. It. Having “heart” for one another means nourishing each other. Opening your heart to one another exposes your deepest feelings. And connecting your hearts binds you deeply and inextricably

• 4. Honor.

It’s a word used in marriage vows for a reason. Honoring each other means holding each other in high esteem, considering each other’s needs, and respecting each other—and an even more revered consideration of each other, worshipping each other. 

• 5. Healing.

You may have to suffer through love wars before you find your one true love. The rejections and hurts along this path require healing in order to open up your heart again. A true love partner becomes a haven from the hurts of the past, while providing a new positive example of how nur- turing love can be.

• 6. Hot.

Satisfying, sensuous, and erotic sex can certainly be a part of the healthy relationship equation. Having such a healthy sexual connection can increase your intimacy and bind you closer together.

TO BE CONTINUED

THE UNWANTED ONE

I am only 4 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.  Today I learned how to suck my thumb.If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It's so nice and warm in here.

You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and finebut I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you.

He said that I'm not a baby.I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel, Mommy, what's abortion?I can hear that doctor again.I don't like him.He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home.The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it!

Mommy! HELP me!

I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

AN ABORTION 

Is Just . . One more heart that was stopped.Two more eyes that will never see.Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.....

DEAR GUYS

Dear Guys;

I know way too many really beautiful girls who think they don't look good... It hurts... because it's your fault. You make girls feel like they have to be perfect. You know what I mean, flat stomach, huge boobs, round ass, long legs, big lips, and on top of all that, nobody can measure up to that... and its not fair... because nobody should have to. The little imperfections are what make us special. If everyone was perfect the world would be so boring, variety is what makes life interesting. So guys, stop making girls have to live up to your, deluded fantasy visions of perfection. Stop acting like boys and start being men... realize that women don't exist to fulfill your sexual desires. Stop talking to them solely to get with them, be nice to them because you want to be their friend, not because you want to hook up with them. Say nice things about them not to flatter them in hopes that you'll get some, but because you know they like to hear them. In short…you need to grow up and stop being dicks... just because you have them doesn't mean you need to think with them

From 

Girls

FRENEMY

I am your constant companion, I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onwards or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half of the things you do might just as well turn over to me and i will be able to do them quickly and correctly.| am easily managed _ you must merely be firm with me, show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons i will do it automatically.

I am the servant of all great men and alas of all failures as well. Those who are great i have made great….those who are failures  i have made failures. i am not a machine though i work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin_ it makes no difference to me.

Take me ,train me, be firm and i will place the world at your feet, be easy with me and i will destroy you.

Who am I?

I AM HABIT

DEAR MOM AND DAD

Sometimes I know the words to say, to give thanks for all you've done but then they fly up and away.How could I possibly thank you enough?The one's to whom I owe my life. The one's  who stopped my crying,The one's who were the expert at picking up when i was lying. The one's who made such sacrifices,to always put me first, Who let me test my broken wings in spite of how it hurts.

Who painted the world as a rainbow when it's filled with broken dreams? Who explained it all so clearly, When nothing was what it seems? Are there really any words for this? I find this question tough... Anything i want to say, just doesn't seem enough.What way is there to thank you? For your heart,your sweat,your tears,for ten thousand little things you've done,For oh-so many years. For changing with me as i changed accepting all my flaws,not loving 'cause you had to, But loving "just because."

For never giving up on me,when your wits had reached their end,for always being proud of me, for being my best friends and so i have come to realize, the only way to say thank you that's enough,is clear in just one way.Look at me before you, see what I've become, do you see yourselves in me?The job that you have done? All your hopes and all your dreams, the strength thats no one sees,a transfer over many years,your best was past on to me.

Thank you for the gifts you gave,for everything you do but most of all, thank you for allowing me to make  my dreams come true.

Love,
Your Daughter

THE POWER OF PRAYER

Have you ever been so low that you have absolutely no idea on what is next? their is a statement that i love it says when you hit rock bottom the only place is up? Many of us we really take prayer lightly as in when we are in problems that is when i we pray..........Recently in Kenya a helicopter landed in a woman's shamba,  we ridiculed the whole story, and conversations of the rich and mighty  in our country were the hit topics in our social media sites...... this was her story  .....I QUOTE HER......

"at the start of this season i didn't have money to cultivate my land, as i was bedridden with Malaria and at the same time i didn't have enough money. so i opted to grow sweet potatoes and mihogo of which i got the grafting from a neighbor."

"but they  did not do as well as i thought and my only son had been chased from  highschool due to a fees balance of 11,000Kshs."

"on Sunday the little i thought i would get from the farm was destroyed when a helicopter landed on my farm due to bad weather. It attracted a huge crowd and they really stamped on my crops"

"Alas as the weather cleared the pilot and the owner of the helicopter reached his pocket and gave me 21,000Kshs and said he was just compensating for the damage caused due to his Helicopter landing on my farm."

never in my life have i made such a harvest, my son is back to class and will do KNEC exams this year" "INDEED GOD WORKS IN A MYSTERIOUS WAY"

at your lowest moments....when hope is gone,.....Dont loose hope. God uses any means to bless you and when he does your sorrow will be gone

This is what happens when we get on our knees: it was all over the news this week. She prayed and GOD answered her payers. This happened so you may believe that GOD is there, alive and hears our prayers. God has given you a chance, MUMIA, dont gobble it.    Read on.................................

FUNDAMENTALS OF WOMEN(for men)

This list is what i believe that every man should know about women, its certainly not all inclusive as there are literally millions of things that men could and probably should learn about women, but probably never will. This list is simply an abstract, a compilation of things that many men already know and for the benefit of those who do not.

1 We are  stronger than you are. Emotionally that is. Yeah,we may cry easier than men, but just watch what happens as time rolls on. No matter what, they're still there, standing strong, long after the men have left the building.

2 - OH we hate bras. wee can never get them to fit and we hate the way they're advertised. We also don't like how men react to bras.

3.1. Saying "i love you" or doing other cutesy things don't count if they're only done when you're in trouble. In fact, they will be completely ignored.

4.  Playfulness turns us on. Women like to tease and be teased.

5. We can't promise that we won't get mad when you tell the truth, but we WILL be even madder if you lie.

 6. We don't always smell good. It's true. No matter how sweet and feminine, there are times when a woman can make a man want to hold his nose and run.

 7. Contrary to popular belief, most women won't try to blackmail you with sex, but if we're unhappy with you, we won't be "in the mood". If you want some action, you need to make us happy.

8.We want to be the most important thing in your life at least ahead of gaming, pokemon, and your favorite band.

 9. Most women can take care of themselves, but it's cute when you're A LITTLE protective of us. Small things like calling to make sure we made it home safely go a long way. (That's also why we have you get rid of bugs -- that small demonstration of taking care of us.)

10. We like neck and ear stuff more than you think. we like to be nuzzled for a long time. In fact, they are never done with that before you are.

11. Women like frequent small shows of affection. Gross PDA is not encouraged, but things like a quick hug from behind or running your hand across our shoulders as you walk by is adorable.

12.Women love to be complimented and aren't ashamed to show it. They love especially to hear nice things about those things they are most self-conscience about.

13.We feel flattered when hit on, no matter how yucky you are. It's true, even if we blow you off and act like you're not worthy.

14.Women and sleep, it's a very special relationship; one that you'd be wise to respect.

15.We expect you to hate the same things and people as we do. It's called loyalty

16. We know stuff about you we won't ever tell you about. It's true. It might even be stuff you don't know about yourself.

17.Our relationship with shoes is none of your business. So there is no reason to mention it, right?

18. We will always be jealous and intimidated by other women, we just can't help it. This will include your exes, your mother and even your sisters

19.We aren't as obsessed with your size as you probably are.

20. Once you've fallen in a toilet, you'll understand why we ask you to put the seat down.

21.Even nice girls like suggestive things whispered to them in public.

22. Even if we respect and love them, we don't want to be compared to our mothers.

23.A woman is not a vagina with legs.

24. Sorry to pop the myth, but women have bodily functions too.

25.No quality woman will expect you to blow hundreds of dollars on her for pricey dates and expensive gifts. But surprises and the occasional outing will earn you brownie points.

26.We will judge you if you spend more time on your appearance than we do.

27. Foreplay is very important.

28.If they love you, there is no changing their mind. No matter what idiotic thing you do, there is nothing you can do to change her heart. Though, you ought to keep in mind, this does not mean she won't leave you anyway

29. When watching a movie together, cuddling is a must.

LAST BUT DEFINATELY NOT LEAST 

30.They will do practically anything for you if you truly love them. It's true, women are asked to do some incredibly odd things by men, and they do them, for no better reason then because they feel love

A WOMAN

Everyone wonders what’s her secret? 
she is a survivor, and  a fighter, and yet still posses the ability to cry. Face to face with adversity she will only pass through fire with strength.She pulls herself up crawls, stands, and finally walks again,to continue to give amazing color to the world in which she lives.She is the girl who has been raped and called a whore, the mother with 3 kids and no father to support them
, the woman with cancer who still manages to come out on top
, the grandmother who is forced to be a mother yet again because 
Of her daughters mistakes. They all have one thing in common….
The Real Strength of a Woman
. 
Every woman is a catalyst for any little girl to become the same, so the question is what will be the consequences from her name?
 Strong relays an outward appearance yet under pressure it cracks, 
And only through strength will she be able to withstand the attack.
 Imagine how tough women have to be not just bearing and raising their child, 
While at the same time many have to control their spouse from running wild, 
A single or married mom with a tight knit family that's united for any length, now that's strength. 
Isn't it amazing disciples from miraculous powers were big and strong, Peter cut off a servant's ear but denied Christ 3 times it didn't last long, Yet two Mary's and Salome the weaker sex faithfully stood by at length. Elsewhere blacks sat in the back of the bus for years although it was wrong, 
now imagine how many men complied who were big and Strong, 
But, it was a female, Rosa Parks, who would not budge one inch, 
Yet another example of what it means for women to have Strength.
 Never underestimate the strength of a woman, for we are mysterious creatures that can not be explained.It is thousands of years later, man still cries, 'first the woman was deceived, '
As Adam looked at God and said, 'it was that woman you gave me' oh Eve? 
It always happens that when things go wrong we are quick to pass the blame? 
Sin didn't manifest till Adam ate the fruit as well but he put it on Eve's name.We will stand even when the world is falling down around us.We will reinvent ourselves, and grow beyond expectation. I still don’t fully know the strength of a woman
 but every woman out there that I’ve seen, met or come into contact with
 lal possess these qualities in one way, shape or form.

THINGS EVERY WOMAN MUST KNOW ABOUT MEN, LOVE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.


2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.


4. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!


5.Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.


6. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!


7. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!


8. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.


9. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of all immoral women.


10. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women!


11. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

12. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

13. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!


14. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.


15. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.


16. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!


17. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!


18. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

19. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

20. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

21. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.


22. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!


23. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.
24. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!


25. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

ROMANCING ME

I keep saying how romance is important how your man, needs to play his part, how we women need to play ours. but in true reality One does not need another person in their life to have romance.  as in we are constantly saying that to truly be loved we need to love ourselves. so think about it,the depth of romancing oneself is a far cry from none at all….It repletes your senses& awakens your soul & embraces your heart! i did this one day last week and mhmmm .....When you get a free time try it, more so for us women......

1. Take yourself into a novel, or a magazine ….you decide….you can read yourself into the story, feeling the feelings of the characters’., or buy an erotic magazine…whatever pleases you. 

2. Have candles with your meals, even if you eat alone. even if your friends are around set up  the ambience you would to romance a partner.

3. Take a bath,  or if you are privileged to have a hot tub splash yourself in a tub with some Mr. Bubbles for a change…Now isn’t this sounding wonderful? Don’t forget some soft music or serene sounds of the ocean…whatever YOU want! 

You are romancing yourself remember, you do not need to wait for someone else to do it for you. Did you light some candles yet? Oh yes…light them candles! 

So…what do you think of romancing yourself? 

Have Romance! Romance the Erotic Essence of YOU!! Be Good to Yourself!

MY UNBORN CHILD

I ask God,"What makes a Mother?" doesn't A Mother have a baby? This we know is true, But, God, can you be a mother When your baby's not with you. How was it to be that I now am robbed of such joy? Of watching you grow or finding out if you’re a girl or boy. Never did I get to hear your cries or even see your tears,How do you love a person, who never got to be, or try to envision a face you never got to see?How do you mourn the death of one who never got to live.When there's nothing to feel good about and nothing to forgive? I am just left here now with pain and few memories, Of the days that were happy with you inside of me.For you were loved and wanted oh so much, What I would give just to have felt your touch.The hours crawl by yet the time does not seem to slow, I want to scream out to the world you are gone, why don’t they know? How is the world still turning when I feel it should have stopped? Why are people laughing and living when it feels like I can not? Not enough tears can be shed to express the love we have for you,
No words can describe what we all wanted to be able to do.I would have just held you and breathed in your sweet smell, Shouted with joy and phoned all the people we wanted to tell. But nothing will ever erase those sixteen weeks we had together,For a piece of my heart you now hold always and forever.

 

.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

On Sunday the 13th, here in kenya we celebrated a very special breed of women that most of us call mothers. That sunday i had an opportunity to reflect on mother daughter relationships, you know how they evolve from her (mother) knowing everything to she knows alot, then as we get to around 12 the issues begin and she knows absolutely nothing. For my mum and I, my teen years were hell, she didnt understand me and stuff, it was a disater. If you had told me things would change, when hell freezez over,then when i turned 23 it was hmmm maybe she knows something and before i knew it, my thoughts were like before i make a decision maybe i should ask mum.I am still at my prime of 25, so i dont know how else its gonna evolve, but a mother is an amazing woman, who works so selflessly  think about, she cooked most of your meals, she packed your break. she always removed for you the clothes to wear. then we also made her into a hairdresser(we girls), i remember how my mum used to wash my  hair on a sink and then funga me a ponytail. she took you wherever you wanted to go. she stayed up with you when you were studying for you, sick or heck over a bad break up. someone told me that until you get someone who calls you mummy then you dont understand. we always tend to forget to thank her. Why dont we do stuff for her often, like valentines mothers day should be an everyday affair. May might ask what about the dads, important as they may be, the work of a mother is never done. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

WASTED LIVES

I wanna talk on a sensitive subject, one that i find we have so profoundly yet sneakily brushed under the carpet, HIV/AIDS. For me i learnt about it maybe class 8 to around form 1. I knew about this as it was in my fathers line of work, during that time frame, my parents and their friends and colleagues would gather us up and talk to us on this things and we would attend seminars. So i grew up knowing of its consequences. Due to my fathers influence in the arena i got an opportunity to meet influential people who went around talking of HIV/AIDS to people, I am talking of the likes of Joe Njoroge, Asumnta Wagura and many others. WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PEOPLE?  We(me included) don't talk about HIV in our circles of friends, ask yourself this  DO you have Friends who are HIV POSITIVE or know each other status?  We have become such a loose moraled society, so WHY ISN'T HIV/AIDS A MATTER OF CONCERN TO OUR SOCIETY? Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you wanna look at it, I got a chance to be at the Comprehensive Care Center at the KNH about 3 weeks ago and what i saw there scared me shitless(mind the language). Earlier that week i had read an article on a youth magazine "the INSYDER" and they had interviewed young people on their lifestyles, and one young girl stood out for me as she talked on sex and how they have no issues with it, i quote "the worst thing that can happen to me is i wont be here tomorrow but at least i will have gone having fun." WHAT THE_____? his should be an eye opener to all.  To many i might be an alarmist but look at it this way .HUBBY/BOYFRIEND has sex with YOU(wife) YOUNG GIRLS AND OLDER WOMAN.  Then you the WIFE has sex with YOUNG BOYS AND OLDER MAN. The YOUNG GIRL has sex with HER BOYFRIEND plus your HUBBY, The YOUNG BOY has sex with HIS GIRLFRIEND plus you WIFE. then We move to the OLDER MAN who is having sex with HIS WIFE plus YOU and YOUNG GIRL and the OLDER WOMAN IS also having sex with HER Husband and your Hubby. so think about it like this if you don't get it from your HUSBAND you might get it from your YOUNGER BOY or OLDER MAN and YOU also have the opportunity to give it to all three and all the people that they are sleeping with. This is one Twisted Cycle that will find us all dead. Mind you i am not saying that HIV/AIDS is only spread though sex but this is the only way that itwe get it through our own fault.HIV/AIDS had the ABC motto,Abstinence Be faithful use a Condom  and i am a firm believer that this works if properly adhered to. Let us be careful, life is a gift from God and we have absolutely no right to play around with it. As i end i want you to ASK yourself this question, if you found out you were HIV/AIDS positive what would our reaction be?

                GOOD WEEK
               
            

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO:18 Marriage Lessons...

THIS IS A RE-POST BUT IT REALLY MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO ME WHEN I READ IT.AS THIS ARE ALL THE THINGS THAT I WOULD LOVE MY MARRIAGE TO BE. To commemorate the 18 great years since I married my college sweetheart, I took some time to think through 18 lessons that I’ve learnt about marriage in that time. So… here goes… 1. A great marriage consists of two good friends - everything else is hype 2. A cord of three strands is not easily broken 3. If one of us wins, we both lose 4. You’ll never meet all your spouses needs! 5. Marriage takes mutual sacrifice 6. Divorce is not an option 7. Our marriage is the means to an end 8. We need a common approach to parenting 9. We need a common approach to in-laws 10. Takes a lot of time to get it right! 11. If you can’t lend trust, don’t get married! 12. Opposites attract! And soon attack :-) 13. These are the ‘good old days’ 14. If the grass is greener on the other side, water yours! 15. Don’t be a ‘child centered’ marriage 16. Absence makes the heart go wander 17. Parenting is a team sport 18. Schedule spontaneity!

WOMEN'S PREROGATIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are hard; they want and require a lot of work. They are made hard by the fact that they constitute two humans beings of the opposite sex, with different wirings and expectations of the other. (So does this make same sex relationships easier, mind you am not condoning it) My best friend told me that a man is a man and I should therefore let him be. This might be true but that doesn’t mean a man gets the opportunity or leeway to do as he pleases regardless of a woman’s emotions and feelings. Yes there are certain fundamentals that we have to let be, and I have no intentions nor should any woman want to change a man but if those fundamentals are infringing on my feelings and you as the man have absolutely no respect for them due to the fact that “I am a Man” then baby better be prepared to meet the wrath of a woman. In this regard I am talking about what is popularly known as side Dishes, as in affairs, I totally disagree that a man has to cheat, that it is in his nature or that men do not have the word monogamy in their dictionary. Mr. Rights best friend once told him that he should take his fun where and when he can. (Talk of misinformation) I am not going to be hypocritical and say women are the best, that we are always the victims, I mean I switch on your stations and listen to the filth that is spewed by certain women, heck I have guys in my life who are having affairs with married WOMEN and we also have been known to take each others boyfriends, heck even I have had affairs. I will not speak on behalf of men as I do not subscribe to their way of thinking, but what happened to the expectations we have as women? What questions do we ask ourselves? What is the final straw that breaks your back? What is too much for you? Is this an open relationship? Am I allowed to cheat because you are? Guys and also we chic’s have made fun of “the List” that dictated what we want in a man/ woman. I am of the opinion that it guided ones boundaries. Therefore the questions above would become moot as one knew what we expected of my man. “The List” was made to be unrealistic and then it became worse, due to the ratio of men to women, we have been made to feel that we women are few and therefore extremely lucky should you have a man. Is this really true? Do you consider yourself lucky if the man you are so supposedly lucky to have, cheats on you constantly, beats on you, is a pathological cheat? Why did we as women have to adjust our expectations? When did it become acceptable to be with a man who cheats on you? Why did we as women cheapen ourselves? What are we supposed to teach our daughters, younger sisters or any other young girl in society? Women are the backbone of a community and if we cannot value ourselves or hold ourselves up in dignity, who will? I don’t want to be that girl, the one who stands here and hears what you supposedly didn’t do with that girl. I need to be the one with the courage to leave to get that person that God made for me, the one who has been put on Earth for just me and this should be all women across the board. Am I saying Wake up and leave your relationship, NO, I am saying LOVE yourself more to know what is or isn’t good for you. GOOD WEEK ALL

JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: WIFE

I am scared, why lie, I am a firm believer in until death do us part. It’s one thing to get a good man but you also need to be a good woman for him I mean no doubt you can list the qualities you would want in a mate. It is much more difficult, however, to look at yourself to determine how you can contribute to a marriage. The jokes are there on how in marriage there is one who is right then then there is the husband, but seriously, to be a good wife, what does it take? Is it being a good cook or taking care of the home? These questions have plagued my head for quite a while now. In the not so distant past, the perception of what a wife and her roles were, vastly differed from today’s accepted views. A "good" wife was stereotyped as a soft-spoken, submissive homemaker who was the universal mother and visually stimulating even though the situation possibly resembled servitude more than companionship. So yes the times have changed drastically now a wife has the choice to be a supportive homemaker who provides services for her husband out of love and adoration, which are reciprocated by him or she is now allowed to bear nearly half of the financial responsibility in a household and balances the household responsibilities with her husband equally. The Bible often refers to a good wife being a good thing. And then in the book of proverbs it gives a detailed account of what exactly a good wife is and does. In Africa., at least how I read is, the girl child has been confused, I am just saying that since the fight of equality started taking place, the expectation on HER is high, we are taught that we have to succeed in school that we are equals to the boy child, we know that what a man can do we can do better (something we have pushed too far) then comes an age where if you are not married then it starts being frowned upon. If you are about to get married then you are taught things that as a child you grew up knowing as old fashioned. Qualities such as loyalty, honesty and the ability to compromise are something that I hold dear and I think make a good marriage( best way to show submissiveness, if you ask me ). Having a mate with whom to share life's joys and sorrows is truly a blessing; the hard part is staying true to yourself and not losing it when trying to play a role.

THE DATE

The past weekend, I got a chance to meet new friends and we started talking, we talked on everything from death to marriage, anything that we could talk about was covered. The most interesting and controversial topic for the night however was on dating. The men had their slightly ambiguous ideas and the women had more conflicting thoughts. From lists of qualities that women make, the pressures of what to do, where to take her, to who pays for the date? This was the funniest line for me on dating, this guys says: that it’s not embarrassing to meet a girl on line; it’s more embarrassing to meet her in a bar (really) . It was an awesome night one filled with laughter and one that gave me quite a number of flashbacks. I am one of those women to whom romance is a must, I need it the way a man stuck in a dessert needs a drink of water. So I think that Dating is an awesome time in someone’s life. It’s like a new car, you love having it and at the same time you do not want to over use it. You know what I mean. Coz when I get my flash backs or those tidbits that one remembers, I enjoy the most those first days of getting to know someone. The excitement, the constant texts, the calls that last most of the night. The movie dates, or ice cream at java. A first date is loaded with expectancy, will he like me and will I like him? If or when we get physical how does that go, when we kiss, shall the memory of that kiss give me butterflies?( I remember a blast from the past who would play a mix CD of very romantic music from in the kitchen by R Kelly to sexual healing by Marvin Gaye every time we were together.) At the end of the night we had come to a mutual understanding that dating is crazy business. In our confused and slightly inebriated minds we came up with a few dating rules, this are some of the few I could remember. 1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual 2. Do date only people you're attracted to, no matter what your friends say. 3. Don't call, text message or email someone you've just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs. 4. Don’t make yourself too available. 5. Keep him guessing and wanting more. 6. Do not share excessive details about your past 7. You shall compliment her 8. Don't ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged -- and make sure to tell your friends where you're going and when you'll be back. 9. Please do not lead her on The last and most important thing is 10. Don't check out other people when you're on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. None of all this is in chronological order or importance, but they are true. Women are the easiest people to understand. We only ask for ATTENTION, be it a woman in her 50s, a widowed woman, married or divorced, that is all we want. And we mainly get it through romance and this is mainly achieved in Dating. If you are single get yourself out there and date, if you are in relationship this is tricky coz to be really honest I am still searching on how to get it, as it takes two parties.

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO:THE HUSBAND

As I get into this journey of marriage I find myself with so many thoughts. Thoughts of stuff like the roles played by us (those in the relationship), what is expected? I am A and The woman in this relationship and most of my perceptions of men have been greatly influenced by my dad. Unlike most women I didn’t have that list of what my man would be like, all I knew, was that he has to have a tumbo (big tummy) yes (weird but it’s the only requirement). I don’t know where this thought originated from but it seems to be of importance as it runs through my mind often. I might not have the ridiculous expectations of that, he has to be 6 feet, a balance account of less that 40k, but it’s something of importance. One of the thoughts I have been having is that the role of husbands and fathers in a marriage tends to mesh into one another; so much that it becomes blurred on who does what. It’s been said that a girl can find her prince but her father will always be her king. A father is such a monumental person, he is not just a mentor and role model, but he also teaches more than how to say ones ABC’s. From my dad I learnt a lot from how he treats his wife to how dedicated he is to his career, he gave me my first impressions on how men behave. So with all this in mind, maybe those lists that women carry or make some might be unrealistic but it kinda makes sense. For me, when I think of the perfect husband/father is one who puts his family first, one who shares parenting with his wife, that he can guide his children to be good citizens. A man who knows romance is not a slap on the ass and “how about it?” one who is encouraging and supportive, not just to his children but wife and family as a whole. One who knows his wife needs time out and hobbies too. Who listens and can communicate, and has absolutely no fear in showing his love and appreciation. Mr. Right and I don’t live together nor do we have children but this are the qualities I hope he shall portray. I hope that I will reflect the same qualities back to him. Love is a complicated thing; it can be easy and light without a care in the world. Then at times it’s backbreaking through trenches of mud. A married couple I know told me that even the best of us can get lost and let our loved ones down. It doesn’t matter as long as MOST OF THE TIME we are empathetic and loving, trying to meet each other’s needs. Most of us think of the wedding and not past it, you know. My prayer is that this marriage works till death do us part.

APPRECIATION

Hmmm you smell really good………………………. At times I look at you and I wonder how my life without you would be…………………. Thanks for all that you are ……………….. Where am I going with this? It’s said that all a husband or a wife wants is to be pitied a little, praised a little and appreciated a little. I want to talk about appreciation, as a child when you are told good girl/boy, that is heavenly , at school (in front of people) wow that is pure bliss, at your work place, extra motivation. Do you think that your man should complement you, or do you think that compliments are vital? (I DO) Well to the saying above (highlighted Portion) SO TRUE at least for ME as a woman. I enjoy and to be very honest I expect to be appreciated, to be loved and cared for by man (MR RIGHT,). To some it may be expecting too much but hey a girl is entitled to what she wants. This is because then I feel like he understands me more. Believe it or not, words of appreciation spoken directly from a romantic partner, go far in paving the way to a happy relationship and it takes more that a “hey baby, you are hot” to really win the points(with me at least). . Trivial as it may seem notice my hair, or a new scent. When I make a good meal appreciate it (don’t boycott it). It’s like a stabbing pain when you feel that you are not being appreciated, Being Appreciated is an emotional need, and this is not surprising, because without close satisfying relationships, our life’s become lonely, boring and meaningless. This is not for women only but for guys as well, as in do this compliment him often, the things that do it for you, his height, when he shaves, happy relationship makes life exciting, meaningful and fulfilling. TRY IT (both men and women)

PLAIN HAPPINESS

Are you ALIVE? It said that One essential standard for living is being able to be happy. Are you HAPPY? They say happiness is a choice, which is true but it takes a whole load of either self worth or self recognition to understand that statement. I don’t know about you, but I battle with happiness. I find happiness like seasons may come and go. . What is Happiness? I think most people are looking for happiness, but we really don’t know the true meaning of it. According to Wikipedia Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. (I kind of agree with it). For the longest of times I thought, happiness comes from being liked, that if everyone liked me I would be happy and so I worked hard to be the epitome of perfection. I believed that Happiness could be found in many different forms, either in shopping, being a YES person, having people around me or even in my Reading. Happiness IS a state of mind, and in order for one to be truly happy, you need to be able to understand that everything is good within your own life. For me it meant that I understood that everything that has happened in my past happened for a reason, way beyond my control, and coz of it I am a better person. I also found that the best kind of happiness is when you know that you are able to care for someone and that they may care about you. It can be as simple as your friends, but that you care about them enough that you want what is best for them and in return they want the same for you. I am not saying that I am constantly happy, but I am satisfied in knowing that I Continue to Exist among other people, animals and things and that one day I may cease to exsist, but I want to be remembered for my Energy and ripple effect through time Everyone I know says they are

LETTER TO A CHEATING MAN

I haven’t blogged in forever, time just flies and the thoughts in my head are all over the place to a point that the voices have started drowning each other out. This blog will probably get mixed reactions, but DON'T get me wrong I am happy in my relationship and am looking forward to getting married and getting into the next phase of my life. I have always thought that there is nothing as bad as thinking your man has cheated on you, and then I learnt it gets worse when you actually know he is cheating on you. This is the second worst feeling, Saturday I was with a few women while having a few glasses of wine we talked of the things that they have witnessed and experienced in their marriages and relationships respectively, I know we are told to forgive and forget and while that might (don’t know) be possible, I think it gives one (women that is) a sense of paranoia, whereby it’s a case of once bitten twice shy. Recently I did a course and Laimani (Alabastron) taught me one thing on letting go and leaving it at the cross (did this with Mr. Right and, we are (or I am) as happy as we (I) can be.)I told this group of women the same thing. They asked how it’s possible and I told them the one exercise that I did with Laimani was to write down his good traits and how she taught me to confront the issue. For many of us women we don’t know how to confront without being angry or being abusive and in my process of healing I did just that, I sat down and wrote a letter to help me let go of my anger and hurt. Hi Writing this letter is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am sorry that my love wasn't to your expectation, but I loved/love you to the best of my ability. I am angry coz you have made me a fool. The love I have for you is so.......that I have closed my ears to my friends who whisper behind my back on your infidelity and ask how I can stay, to the point that they believe I am getting exactly what I deserve if I can’t stand for myself. I know about your affair, you have hidden it from me for as long as you could but yet spoke so freely to your friends. To be honest you behavior shocks me, often you said you love me and you want me, this is what I can’t get to apprehend, how can you lie to me? Right to my face. You said we were best friends, now I know better as no friend would do this to another. You always knew trust was a major thing for me, yet it was the one thing you betrayed. Of course I know, we girls tend to know, but I played the deaf ear and blind eye to it (denial. I told myself, no, no he can’t be cheating on me. How am I expected to trust you? I wish you could talk to me about it, and help me understand your actions and deeds, but please, don't tell me I wasn't there, don't tell me it’s something I did or didn't do. As it is my world has turned into a dark, empty and bottomless pit. I am falling into an unknown and I can do nothing about it. You keep abusing the tiny trust that I am working so hard to build up in you. How would you react if the game was turned and it was me doing this? I am not saying things are perfect (show me a relationship that is) and I know you owe me nothing, but I wish you would have handled things more carefully. At least given me some slight respect. I am sorry if my expectations of you were higher than you could achieve. Sometimes I close my eyes and wish it was a prank, or KISS 100 has called me with a gotcha crew. You have left me lost, confused, hurt, more sick than I have ever felt and all this was because I had truly loved you. If you want to put the blame on me, why couldn’t you let me go when you sensed things weren’t right or just maybe I wasn’t enough for you. I am trying to believe you and I take your apology for just that, and I know somewhere inside me I can forgive you. My forgiveness won’t be now or tomorrow, please understand that I am angry, hurt and in despair. Understand that I am at my lowest point and I know it can’t get worse than this. I am not sure I love you the way I did but I do know it’s still there. Your hurting gal friend PS:to all the women It actually works, you don’t have to give it to him, this is all for your healing, and especially if you have decided to stay. And if you believe that the love you have is strong. It works. Give it a try. PS:S to Mr. Right if you are reading this i truly love you but i sure aint going through this again.

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: KUHANDA ITHIIGI

I started writing this blog as we waited for Mr. Right and his family and friends to come, I was so nervous that this first line is all I could write. I could hear the singing going on (OK, I was peeping from the upstairs room) and then to add to the bugs in my tummy, my people weren’t opening. Oh my nerves at that point hit the roof. So I went back to my room where I was with my gals. To be very honest it was the most nerve wrecking time of my life. Then I saw them come in and I started settling. This whole experience to be very honest was quite eye opening. I am not talking about the actual day here; I am talking about the whole week leading to the event. At one point I had told my bro we go to Narok on the day of, the day before the event I had told Mr. Right we elope and then just have his family go by themselves and state that their son has stolen their daughter, anything not to face that whole crowd. Remember when I was saying we had a guest list of 100 people waah, what a huge underestimation, we had over 150 people present. Anyway back to my jitters, throughout the week, Mr. Right was cool calm and collected, and here I was in such a panicked state (ooh how this pissed me off). Throughout the day my mum had been weepy and all, I didn’t get why, then, I was told to come down and I had to be covered in lesso so that he can identify me (I had leaked the color of lesso I was going to have on, didn’t want him to be fined), then the floodgates opened, it was a realization that now I am no longer just their child but I am soon to be someone’s wife. My mum had once told me she needs to prepare herself as I am on my way out and it had never hit me. So as my gals and Boys were being covered in lessos I was standing there with my tears flowing down. Now, the tradition is that those of my body type and height were to walk with me, but then my two cousins (male) were changed and put in my gals places, my gals were in the first group so picture this, I am covered from head to toe, my feet have been adorned socks and those next to me are two men, don’t you see why I had to leak it to him. Then he is asked whether it’s me and he says yes and I confirm that he is the reason as to why we have guests in our home. Then my aunt gives me a seat and I seat. As in the whole reason for my nerves, the whole freaking out, tears streaming, arguments over the dress( yes we finally settled on the one mum wanted) has culminated to me being seated in a chair, REALLY! REALLY! REALLY! It felt so …………….. (No words can describe it). Then they go upstairs and we are called again and I am asked whether my people should pick whatever goods they have brought (of course the answer was yes). All in all it was an awesome day. It was full of tradition; it was all I wanted and more. So sure I was worried and I was nervous and yes we were teary (mum and I) but it was everything I wanted and more. I am officially on the journey to being Mrs. Right. I am so thankful and grateful to my friends who turned up and supported me, Waithi and Charity, for breathing with me as I got those anxiety thingies. Thanks so much, now to the next phase in our lives. Oh and Mr. Right, thank you for making it all possible. I truly do love you.