THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: KUHANDA ITHIIGI

I started writing this blog as we waited for Mr. Right and his family and friends to come, I was so nervous that this first line is all I could write. I could hear the singing going on (OK, I was peeping from the upstairs room) and then to add to the bugs in my tummy, my people weren’t opening. Oh my nerves at that point hit the roof. So I went back to my room where I was with my gals. To be very honest it was the most nerve wrecking time of my life. Then I saw them come in and I started settling. This whole experience to be very honest was quite eye opening. I am not talking about the actual day here; I am talking about the whole week leading to the event. At one point I had told my bro we go to Narok on the day of, the day before the event I had told Mr. Right we elope and then just have his family go by themselves and state that their son has stolen their daughter, anything not to face that whole crowd. Remember when I was saying we had a guest list of 100 people waah, what a huge underestimation, we had over 150 people present. Anyway back to my jitters, throughout the week, Mr. Right was cool calm and collected, and here I was in such a panicked state (ooh how this pissed me off). Throughout the day my mum had been weepy and all, I didn’t get why, then, I was told to come down and I had to be covered in lesso so that he can identify me (I had leaked the color of lesso I was going to have on, didn’t want him to be fined), then the floodgates opened, it was a realization that now I am no longer just their child but I am soon to be someone’s wife. My mum had once told me she needs to prepare herself as I am on my way out and it had never hit me. So as my gals and Boys were being covered in lessos I was standing there with my tears flowing down. Now, the tradition is that those of my body type and height were to walk with me, but then my two cousins (male) were changed and put in my gals places, my gals were in the first group so picture this, I am covered from head to toe, my feet have been adorned socks and those next to me are two men, don’t you see why I had to leak it to him. Then he is asked whether it’s me and he says yes and I confirm that he is the reason as to why we have guests in our home. Then my aunt gives me a seat and I seat. As in the whole reason for my nerves, the whole freaking out, tears streaming, arguments over the dress( yes we finally settled on the one mum wanted) has culminated to me being seated in a chair, REALLY! REALLY! REALLY! It felt so …………….. (No words can describe it). Then they go upstairs and we are called again and I am asked whether my people should pick whatever goods they have brought (of course the answer was yes). All in all it was an awesome day. It was full of tradition; it was all I wanted and more. So sure I was worried and I was nervous and yes we were teary (mum and I) but it was everything I wanted and more. I am officially on the journey to being Mrs. Right. I am so thankful and grateful to my friends who turned up and supported me, Waithi and Charity, for breathing with me as I got those anxiety thingies. Thanks so much, now to the next phase in our lives. Oh and Mr. Right, thank you for making it all possible. I truly do love you.

THE JOURNEY FROM YES TO I DO: Pre Wedding Jitters

WARNING THIS IS A VENUE FOR ME TO RANT AND RAVE ON THE PROCESS OF ME BECOMING A WIFE, SO IT MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE Ok, so the date has been set (yep) and at the end of this month we officially start the negotiation ceremonies, the one thing I want in this whole step is the cultural aspect, I am so less bothered with the white wedding, that, I will do more for my family. The traditional steps are normally four, the first one being a ‘kuhanda Ithiigi” (a booking ceremony) then followed by a Ruracio (dowry payment) negotiations) then followed by the itaara (where you go see the boys home) then last but not least, kuhoya uhiiki ( asking for the wedding). We are at the first step and so I am planning the first visit which is the Kuhanda ithiigi, this is the introduction of families, the booking of the bride and for our families to start preparing and accepting that we want to be man and wife. This is where the pre wedding jitters start, don’t get me wrong, I think Mr. right is the right guy for me, and I Do want to spend the rest of my life with him, however the switch of roles is the hard part, for the past couple of years we have been boyfriend and girlfriend and those roles have been perfect, OK so the road has not been smooth and we definitely have had our tough times, but then we both had the luxury to go home. It wasn’t like we had been closed in and ooh we live together so we have to……..if I got tired I went home, if we didn’t want to see each other we didn’t even call but now we start a new journey, and the responsibilities that this roles carry are magnanimous, before I started writing this article, I was talking to my pal and I was like now I cant tell him to get chips hapo chini, now I need to make sure he is well fed. Where did all this start, as I said at the end of the month we have the first visit, something that I knew was so far away, so was not that ati pressured, then on Thursday my mum tell me we are 70 something and Mr. right tells me they are 30 something so we need to accommodate at-least 100 people, ooh and my folks (even dad has gotten into the mix) are like “oh we forgot to invite so and so” as in do this people know I am shy and that I am not sure on how to face such a crowd. Anyway so as I said I want it really traditional, as in fermented porridge, muratina (ya mwana ni nyuo ni ya mwana). So Friday morning pap, off to have muratina done and the person says waah that is so soon, and then it hits us ( was with mum) we have no idea who is cooking for this crowd ( PRESSURE MUCH) anyway the muratina was found and guess what I got ruhia’s (traditionally muratina was drank from a ruhia, this is a cows horn) and tuhiururi (calabash, for porridge) so I started getting excited but still with butterflies in my tummy. Then my mother asks me what are you wearing and I am like I don’t know so we start dress shopping, then my mother sees this lovely outfit and she say that this is what you are wearing and you will do your dreads like this and have them curly here( she truly doesn’t want to let go) anyway I don’t like the outfit and I tell her so and she tells me whatever dress you wear I have to approve of it, so she tells me,drop me home and go shop sawa mum. That is what has happened this week in my planning shall update more on the drama, Mr. Right and his family are meeting today will definitely add sugar to this dish

NEW YEAR AND LOSS OF A LOVED ONE

I haven’t posted in such a long time as in the cobwebs that have accumulated, waah, I have truly neglected this blog. HAPPY NEW YEAR::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::MERRY CHRISTMAS ::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Or any other holiday that I have missed. For me I have so many plans for the New Year. I have however vowed no resolutions. I am looking forward for Mr. Right and his people to come home and start the dowry payment negotiations. I am looking forward to my best friend graduating and her coming home in June. I started my year with Syke and Energy. This blog however has nothing to do with happy new year or what the year has in store for me. well you see, on the 2nd day of the year we received such horrendous news that a niece has died. It was so hard to absorb, we really didn’t want to accept. Then the circumstances of her death made it worse. Let me tell you, we all know that Violence against women is rampant and it’s a monster eating away at our society. We always hear of it happening, stories of women in hospital cause of being abused by their partner, but until it hits home, we never really know the impact it holds, I mean think about the Former NTV Ms Kabiru , who was found dead in their bedroom by her brother who broke the door out of curiosity only to find her body, only her family know the trauma of it. Then on December 21st Mary Kagure was laid to rest, exactly one week after she was brutally murdered by someone she had loved, her fiancé. She was stabbed several times on the neck and chest. She died on the spot, helpless. We hear of such stories and we cringe. Then now it’s our very own, Yvonne. GIRLS, WOMEN if a man hits you please leave, as in ‘when he raises his hand, use your God given feet and flee’. Please if you know someone in such a relationship help them leave. Therefore: This BLOG I DEDICATE IT To YVONNE MAINA: a beautiful woman with a loving soul. Fare thee well and farewell for a while. We would like for you to come back And stay a while with us. for No farewell words were spoken. No time to say good-bye. You were gone before we knew it, And only God knows why. Secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose you, No one will ever know. Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part. God has you in His Keeping. We have you in our Heart. RIP YVONNE

MY DAY

Finally the day has come, A day I have waited for a whole year, Today I celebrate the day that I was born, Can you believe it is the day, the day that I was expelled from the womb, a day like today 25 years ago; I was born into this wonderful world, where I have witnessed so many things, both good and bad. Today is a wonderful day. I take time to thank my parents, for the love, care, nourishment, encouragement, for I have lived this long, I couldn’t do it without them. Life has brought many friends my way, some became best friends, others became acquaintances, and others became enemies. I thank Jehovah for all that I have experienced, and as I start this new phase of my life, I pray that he will walk with me and guide me. I know there will be trials along the road but I know with him he shall guide me. This is a great day for me.

24 THINGS LEARNT WHILE 24

24 THINGS I LEARNT WHILE I WAS 24 This week in exactly 2 days to be precise, I turn 25, what a scary thought. As a child, 25 was ancient and to be very honest it still is, I mean, it’s only 5 short years from the big 3 0. Anyway, I sat down this weekend and reflected on all the things that I have gone through, seen, and I was like, you know its true life is really the best teacher. I realized I have gone through a lot, but I will give you a list of the 24 biggest things I learnt: 1. Love yourself. Become your own priority: this came a bit late but am working on it, 2. Some things just aren’t meant to be. And if they aren’t, move on to what is waiting to be. 3. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time. 4. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness. 5. Nothing heals wounds like time. Sure some things will always hurt when you reminisce on them, but with every passing day, time will help lessen that pain. 6. Friends become strangers. And more importantly, vice versa. 7. Goodbyes are always sad. Especially when you know that it will most likely be the last time you see that person ever again. 8. Pictures are of great importance especially of loved ones and get-togethers. Take many, there will come a day when you are glad you did. 9. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence. 10. People deserve a second chance, but not a third. 11. Consider things from another’s point of view rather than your own all the time 12. Bottling up your feelings slowly kills you on the inside. Find someone you can talk to. 13. Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child. 14. Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest. 15. What you learn in school doesn’t really matter. You rarely use it actually, 16. It so important to be able to manage your time and money. 17. When you lie, you eventually get caught. That is a guarantee. 18. We are all social beings, but at times it doesn’t hurt to be an island. You learn so much about yourself, other people and the world when you’re alone. 19. People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking- especially the man in your life 20. Accept and embrace change, its hard but you have to move with the times. 21. Always be honest with yourself and others. It creates a name for you. 22. Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. 23. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. 24. The most important one was this IN ORDER TO GET, YOU HAVE TO GIVE. – SUPPORTING, GUIDING AND MAKING CONTRIBUTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE IS ONE OF LIFE’S GREATEST REWARDS. EVERYTHING YOU DO COMES BACK AROUND. When I turn 25 I shall tell you what I plan to achieve by the time I am 30

NO TITLE

This is a letter of apology, whom am I apologizing to, Mr. Right for one, a friend, anyone who saw me, my family……………………what am I apologizing for? Now that’s the million dollar question, but from what I hear my actions on Tuesday were not exactly of my kind of behavior, I don’t want to give excuses and I don’t want to blame anyone or anything. Only I am responsible for my actions. To Mr. Right, I don’t want you to think that I may not always feel or know the value of this gift, and I have become painfully aware of the failure that I represent, of not being able to remember certain events that have transpired. I have heard different stories of what happened and some say I was drunk, (but I know myself, I have photographic memory I remember details) anyway no excuses no nothings. Think happy thoughts I keep on telling myself, but am scared, angry, confused and so apologetic coz the things I hear I did, sound so horrendous. I feel like I am taking advantage of the exquisite and unique nature of love.

WHY ITS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN

I am officially proud to be a woman, not in the orthodox way, but in a less conventional point of thinking. To get my point you will definitely have to read this. I don’t know about all you women out there, but I have definitely been told that I talk a lot (this is a plus for me, coz when I am quiet I am absolutely up to no good). I have also been in a situation whereby, a dude will tell me waaah si your friend can talk or this chic can talk a mile a minute .Well to all who have been clustered in the group of talkative women, or have listened to your male friends go on and on about talkative women, well this is the best READ ever. Believe it or not, one half of the population has always suspected it and the other half vocally denies it. So today I am the bearer of good news, it all comes from reading a book called the female mind and it has been scientifically proven that we women talk THREE TIMES MORE than men. Deal with it. Whoop whoop aren’t you proud to be a woman, I mean that whole belief of what a man can do a woman can do better has just been scientifically proven. As in if you put it into an average number of words, its 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man to be exact. This was a good day for women, one might ask, so what, how does it benefit you, well did you know that the simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.(AWESOME). According to the people behind this theory and to be more specific one Dr Luan Brizendine, “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road” and this is why we treat the world in a different way. The funny thing is all this differences can be traced back to the womb, where the sex hormone testosterone moulds the developing male brain. We also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing our own voice (explains why I talk to myself). This to my guys (so that you don’t feel too bad) apparently what the male brain may lack in conversation and emotion, they more than make up with in their ability to think about sex. What was the best part of this read for me was to understand why Mr. Right goes blank in the middle of an argument. Oh well, hope you are jazzed as I am

Thank You

I don’t know where to start, I have thought and thought some more, I even tried categorizing my thoughts so that they make sense, but I just couldn’t. Many are the times we come to you with the things we want you to do for us, but this is different. The purpose of my writing this letter to you is to tell you how grateful I am to you and to let you know the reasons that I'm grateful. Who knows? I might even get more blessings. I'm not going to ask how you are today because I know you're always fine, yes, I know that I don’t always call, I disobey you at times (sometimes its intentional, but not always), I get mad when things don’t go my way and I’m very stubborn and hardheaded and yet you take me as I am. I wasn’t trying to be perfect by the way. But Jehovah, I am thanking you for the blessings in my life, in all the forms and shape they come in. I am thanking you that I am alive, that I can breathe, that I am not lying in a hospital bed somewhere, Jehovah I thank you for leading me through trials and fears to success, for showing me the light even in times of great darkness. For giving me strength to come this far, for all of this, I thank you. I thank you God for my parents, for their sacrifice and unconditional love for me. For my brothers and sister, who are the best I could ever ask for and more. I thank you God, for my friends, old and new: For my best friends, who make me happy. You know who you are. For my blog readers, who may be silent but leave me with fresh inspiration and motivation to be the best blogger I can be, for my new friends, who continuously remind me that there are so many great people, so little time. I thank you that When I feel tired and weary, you feed me the sweetest nourishment through your Words, let me rest in your spirit, and you send angels in the form of people to make me laugh. I acknowledge that you are an all knowing Lord that is why it’s awkward writing this letter since I know you are fully aware that am writing it and its content. Jehovah as I thank you for all I thank you for me and Mr. Right; I'd like to know why you blessed me so much. I guess I can say its grace. We have no problems here, and I'm grateful for that. In fact Lord he has been very wonderful to me. I thank you for accepting my flaws without anger, for always giving me second chances no matter how stubborn or hardheaded I get and above all for never giving up on me. I know I’ve been whining a lot lately and I know you just wonder why I do it, but sometimes Lord, I wonder why I go through some things and why you just won't let me scale the hurdle like a lot of people would so easily. However I thank you for the strength you give me that enables me to hack it. I'm thankful for those I’ve been comparing myself to also (and as an aside, I’m sorry). You know I could write on and on and there'll be so much to say but I need to go and do that script I’ve been procrastinating on. But you know how grateful I am right? I really am grateful. Your humble daughter Warugi Njoroge

MY LITTLE

I remember it like it was yesterday, the little stick turned blue and later the doctor confirmed it, I was pregnant. When I first knew I was pregnant with you I was nervous and scared. I was wondering what my parents and friends would think. But as each day past I really didn’t care, I sat rubbing my belly, talking to you and waiting for you. Although I couldn’t feel you move, I still felt you there. I was in love with someone and that person was you. I would talk to you at nights about how your life would be, the good things you would have and the people you will meet. I had dreams of you looking like me and your dad holding you after you were born, I could even imagine your dark curly hair. So for a few weeks I went about my daily activities contemplating your presence in me. I felt so beautiful and special growing you inside me. I wondered about your personality. I can remember when I heard your heartbeat for the first time, it was so fast, I asked muriu whether all was well, and he told me it’s good, that’s how it’s supposed to be. I can’t tell you at what point I started worrying, but when I went to the doctor; I kept on thinking maybe I am just over paranoid. I will never forget when the technician said there is no fetal heart rate, you were 12 weeks old. My whole world fell apart and that’s when I knew I had lost you oh how I cried over you, i never got the chance to meet you, there’s so much I want to say. Know this, you might have lived only for 12 weeks but you were loved so very much. You left me too early and for this I still weep, my womb feels empty and the pain is deep. I seat at times and can’t help but wonder, how life would be if you hadn’t been torn away from me, I found you on 12/08/2010 and let you go on 18/10/2010, day by day, I move a little closer to recovery.... though I know life will never be the same. I keep hearing that it simply takes time, but I don’t know how I can recover from this deep and utter loss, when all I want to do is hold you and shower you with love, from the bottom of my feet to the tip of my head, I love you (or should I say, "I loved you"?) I just want to let you know that you will all ways be in my heart., and I w will never stop loving you. The only thing I can do for now is close my eyes and begin to pray, Jesus, will you please bless me again one day.

TELL OR NOT TO TELL: THIS TIME YOU ARE AT FAULT

You are at a party, had a lil bit too much to drink, and this cute guy you have been eyeing for a while is here, you guys have flirted a bit, and then pap he kisses you, then you think waah I need to stop. After a little while, maybe after one, two vodkas, too many, you get yourself in his arms and as they say one thing leads to another and when you open your eyes, it’s morning, in a place you don’t know and you are naked and with someone else who is not your man. Now every time your guilty eyes meet your spouse's, you consider spilling your guts. My question is to tell or not to tell. Will telling the truth bode well for your relationship, or buy you a ticket straight to the single lane? What brought this on; well I read an article in a magazine the other day that stated that one of the newest dating rules was that you didn't tell your partner if you'd cheated, as it would only add to the pain on both sides. Rather, the article suggested, if you were remorseful for your actions and knew you'd never do it again, there was no reason to share with your partner about the unfaithfulness. Weird as it may sound, I think you should tell, me I want to be told so why should I double standard him, however you Should Only Tell When Asked. Ok yes I kind of, sort of, get what the article was getting at (why stir the pot if the issue has been resolved already?) yes coming forward might end the dating relationship, but it might also strengthen things after the initial shock. Don’t you think it would serve as a wakeup call to all parties with regards to what wasn't working? Many might think am contradicting myself, but the truth of the matter is no good can come from your confession. Why you ask because this is a scenario whereby unless he doesn’t like you, your boyfriend will feel hurt and betrayed, which he is allowed to. You will be the bad person and even if you don’t break up, things in your relationship will never be the same. The crack in that mirror called trust will be wide and plus his ego will have been bruised and resentment will have taken root. Here is where we start saying, he will never find out, my dear sister he so will, I don’t know how but they do either be some gossip he heard somewhere or it may be a hypothetical question he wants answered, or it could be that he cheated and wants to know if you have as well so HE will feel less guilty. So whatever reason prompts the question you absolutely must be truthful in your answer. This is where the honesty part comes in tell him how terrible you felt about it but kept it to yourself because you didn’t want to hurt him. If he asks who the other guy is, tell him, but if he asks for details please be fair, don’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know all the gory details, all he needs to know is that it made you miss and appreciate what you had with him and that you hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you. This said, we women don’t just cheat for the sake of it, think of this if the love is worth salvaging, you have to fix the problem or the issues will fester. Ask yourself why you did it and then let your boyfriend know what you need from him. Disclaimer: if asked by Mr right I wouldn’t say, he already has told me he would stab me to death.

ROMANCE

In a previous article I wrote about romance in Relationships, which got me thinking, do guys really know what romance is? It took me back to the beginning of a relationship, where there is mystery, excitement and even the anticipation of knowing the other person. For us women or me for that matter, romance is the act of being lavished with personal attention or with acts of chivalry, courtesy and love. Imagine romance does not have to be expensive. It is the time and attention that makes romance attractive to us, not the amount of money spent. Romance is not always about sex (though it could lead to it) it’s the way you express your affection for me. For me romance is not the big things but the small things. I believe romance is an important means of communication, and I am not referring to the physical attraction you have. Sex is for that. This is for displaying the respect and honor you have for me as your partner and the love that I am freely giving you. Do you know it can be as simple as saying I LOVE YOU? As long as when you are saying it you really mean it and are willing to do anything for me as the special person in your life. Loving another person comes without stipulations if it comes with strings attached then its deep seated opportunism and not love. What I am trying to say is, if I cook your favorite meal, I don’t expect flowers tomorrow but hey that doesn’t mean you mistreat or undervalue me, bring me my flowers. I don’t know about most of you, but have you ever noticed romance is mainly poured thickly (by men of course) when something isn’t going right? I am not sure but I think (correct me if I am wrong) it hits them(men) that waah I am going to lose her, and then the whole realization that it can be lost, forces them to get a deep appreciation for it. I have come to notice that romance is easy when you are dating. I don’t know if it’s the chase that fuels guys and makes them more exciting but once a relationship is formalized or even guys get married things change, it’s like the challenge is gone and the spark that caused the romance has died. (I guess this is why some people believe in short periods of dating and short periods of engagement). Romance is a two-way street. If you want your partner to be romantic, you have to be romantic too. Also you may need to talk with your partner about being romantic. Some partners take hints real well. Others require more direct reminders. Do not be upset if your partner requires more direction. Work with them and help develop the pattern or habit of romance. It will be worth it in the long run. But remember this (CHICS) Remember to take things done for you in the spirit in which they are intended. Okay, maybe the surprise gift you received wasn’t exactly something you’ve been dying for…be appreciative of the giving, even if you’re not of the gift. The fact that someone was trying his/her best to think of you should count for a lot.

DADDY DEAREST

Dear Dad, Well this has been a long time coming, I might have found my prince charming but you will always be my king, with this in mind I thought I should tell you some things that other people know but I may not have ever told you. Hmmm where do I even start? I guess I will start by saying the first two things that come to mind. Thank you and I love you. You are, without a doubt and without equal, the greatest man I have ever known. You are kind and loving to me and my siblings. I have no other man on earth that I can compare you to. You taught me the value of hard work and how to be a business “man”. You instilled in me a self confidence that if I was prepared to work hard enough for something, likelihood I would be successful. This is no small thing. Weird as it may seem I want to thank you for the disciplining that I received, for I would definitely have gone astray. Dad as a girl I thank you for being home every night after work and making time to have dinner with us, I thank you that you showed us the kind of man one should have or what kind of men my brothers should be. I am thankful that we never went hungry or that we lacked in fees. How can u thank a man who taught me to respect my elders and to love the church. Dad you knew that one day I would have to live in a world that was tough, where people were accountable and you forced me to learn things the hard way. These lessons are now bearing fruit in my life as I become a woman. I see a cynical world that loves lies, but you always valued honesty and the truth above all things. Making sure I learnt of this. I am very grateful for all the opportunities you have given me over the years, and the financial help. I'm sorry I haven't been more forthcoming with thanks in the past but am working on it. I think a part of it has to do with the tremendous self-esteem you imparted to your kids. We just can't seem to take "No" for an answer sometimes and think we always deserve the best. But sometimes I think I am too blind to see that "the best" is right under my nose and not on "the other side of the fence". Dad, I thank you for being there I always knew where to get you if not at home then you were at work, always a phone call away. Thank you for coming to all my school functions, I am also very grateful to say that I drive like you and not mum. As I prepare to go and start a new life, I wanna let you know that you have been the one constant presence in my life and you have always made me feel loved, secure, safe, and cared for (how can I thank you enough). Just the same way that you have counseled me, given me advice and encouragement, may it never stop. If I was to give out an award for the Best Earthly father, it would definitely go to you. Your Loving Daughter Warugi

ROMANCE IN A RELATIONSHIP

The ending sound track for RIO the movie, is amazing, the song is sung by a man who is bragging about this woman whom he claims to be his and how he considers himself lucky to have gotten her. Ok, yes its sentimental and mushy, but isn’t that amazing. Do men brag about their women, do they extol their virtues (I don’t thinks so but prove me wrong)? I mean from what I have seen and also experienced its more of that after a man has caught a woman, they are no longer as interested...yes I know for men it’s all about the chase but still. For women Romance is everything, it‘s the spice in food. It’s the icing on the cake. It’s a good game of sport. I have many “boys” some good for me some not so good, but at the end of the day; they all come to one conclusion. Aaaaaah si ni wangu, haendi place. Be it dating for months or years, be it marriage, no matter how many children I bear, a woman should always be romanced. It’s not negotiable, romance should never fade off or for that matter end. I hope I don’t end up sounding like another superficial girl for saying this, but please shower me with the affection that you did when we first men, give me the flowers that I love so much. Buy me my favorite sweets. Take me out for dinner or even better yet, give me our alone day (intimate Reservations). Please don’t be repulsed by the sight of me in sweats or when I have folded myself like an embryo when am cramping, be nice and bring me a hot water bottle or rub my back. I want to play with your hair as you drive, surprise me with a kiss, in a random empty elevator. Sue me, but I want to laugh so hard that I can’t breathe. I want those weird, sweet and confused jokes that give me a random smile. I want to get on the couch with you and watch a movie. Yes I expect fights (and still when we go to bed, you will hold me close) and yes I am not expecting a garden of roses and don’t get me wrong, am not asking or expecting perfection. This is ’s not a schedule where if this doesn’t happen on Friday ati I will be mad. The whole concept of Romance is that its spontaneous, it’s unexpected but the message always is baby I thought about you. Is it too much to ask that, 10 years into a relationship I would still want to get weak knees after a kiss. The Passion should not be let to fizzle out in a relationship and this is fueled by romance. So I f you are my “boys “ (or maybe not) and you are reading this, go to your woman and find the things she likes and once in a while surprise her. If you are a chic reading this, no problem, forward this to his inbox or even better yet tell it to him. If you are mine and you are reading this, Please don’t ever let the romance fade………………………………………….

THE JOYS OF A FIRST KISS

A Kiss holds two humans together in an exchange of scents, tastes, and emotions. We kiss gently, shyly, hungrily and exuberantly. We kiss in broad daylight and in the dead of the night. We give ceremonial kisses, affectionate kisses and Hollywood pecks. The best however is the first kiss between lovers. It has an option to never end, that is until your jaw gets sore and your lips raw. It’s like drinking salty water, yes you drink but your thirst increases. It’s a feeling that is unimaginable; it captures the joy of seduction and the passionate intimacy of the moment. It has tension that builds and you both know its leading up to something and when it finally happens it’s as if you have been starved for so long and finally a feast has been laid out for you. This tiny thing has power to confuse, scramble and jumble one’s mind, I once read a quote “I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night”. Believe it or not this is true, in fairy tales you hear of kisses that make one leg pop, well a good kiss has this exact effect. I am of the school of thought that kissing is intimate, that when you find someone who fits your kissing groove— who’s in tune with your movements—it can be the biggest turn on. You get lost in each other’s lips and time seemingly stands still. Due to this I am inclined to agree with those of the school of thought that if you don’t know how to kiss then you are a goner. Some might think I am putting a lot of emphasis on a Kiss, but I believe it sets a tempo of a whole relationship. Lips have evolved from first for food and later applied themselves to speech. According to science, in kissing lips satisfy different kinds of hungers. In the body, a kiss triggers a cascade of neural messages and chemicals that transmit tactile sensations, sexual excitement, and feelings of closeness, motivation and even euphoria. When I think about it, My First kiss with Mr. Right just may have been the catalyst that led me to fall in love with him; it made me anticipate that first touch, or the first night when he would hold me tight. Think about it and go back to your most memorable first kiss, where your hands were sweaty, butterflies in your stomach and the pitter patter of your heart beat. If you still think I am putting a lot of emphasis on this little tiny thing, then why do we take the risk of a strangers kiss?

NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA

This statement has been coined to have so many things, Najihurumia Kuwa Mkenya, nahuzunika kuwa mkenya, sijui kuwa mkenya and so many more. Yes there are so many things that as a country we are lacking, this I don’t refuse, we have political scandals, yes our Mps are not exactly the best and yes we have Kenyans dying of hunger, but this aside we have so much going for us. We have a woman, who has been nominated as a Nobel Laureate (Wangari Maathai). A Kenyan son has lit his hometown with invention of solar lamps and even won awards (Evans Wadongo). Think about it, when taking a drive in this expanse country, on your way down to Mombasa just near Machakos, giraffes wave you goodbye, on the way to Nakuru baboons beg you for food on the roadside. Dare you stop; they will snatch them away, just into gilgil, the zebras busy grooming themselves on the roadside. The impalas and gazelles busy sprinting away from traffic. Fear of being the next meal. When driving, through the meandering valleys of Meru, the expanse greens, where the green meets blue (grounds and sky). The fantabulous escarpment in the rift valley, passing the smallest church in Kenya. I won’t even start on the coastal region in our country, the sandy beaches, and the opportunity to swim with dolphins. Think about it we make millions in tourism; people come from far and wide just to witness our lovely environment. Ever seen the sun set behind Mt. Longonot? The view is spectacular. The migration of wildebeests, and I haven’t even talked of the parks, the ability to go see elephants, rhino, buffalo, lions (even have a show), as in all big 5 are available. I haven’t even started talking about the people; we are just as diverse as our country. We have about 42 tribes in Kenya with different languages and cultures that all merge to become the unique mix of Kenyan culture. We are known worldwide, you drink our tea be in India or in England. Did you know,we even export juice. The Kenyan anthem dominates the Olympics. I mean Runners all over the world fear Kenyan runners. We have footballers, basketballers and hockey players playing in international teams. Our Rugby Team is synonymous with winning. If you know anyone in the Diaspora ask them how they crave our local foods, terere, managu,saga just to mention but a few. We are known for our good times, we have given the world or atleast the African continent, a fabulous beer (tusker). Our night life puts a lot of African countries to shame. In Kenya we have Everything, both good and bad. Yes we mainly see the Bad, but then again the GOOD brings a whole load of people to this country. So the next time, you have absolutely nothing to sy or think of this country, think again and that is why NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA

10 Ways to Avoid a Bad Facebook Status

i just had to repost this, that my Aunt Cathryn Karanja posted, this comes after an interesting debate with a friend on the limits and boundaries that people pass when posting on this social networks. 1) Avoid anything majorly personal. It’s a status, not your diary, okay? If you need to vent, go to the Dollar Store and pick up a journal. Or three. 2) Don’t talk about how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend. Just because you have one, does NOT make you cool. Sorry. 3) Try not to quote love songs. Nobody wants to log on to, “I miss you like an absent student / Astronauts love moons and I love you / My love for you burns like sizzling sausages.” Not attractive. 4) Don’t act "tough" on your status. Writing something like, “gonna go work out,” won't get you anywhere. Also, no “I punched a locker today. It’s dented,” or, “Beat up Rex today!” or even any, “lifting weights is fun! I lift 250 now. I am MANLY” is allowed. It’s not cool that you punch lockers; it’s scary. And Rex is your dog, dude. And—for real!— nobody cares how much you lift! 5) Don’t use more than two exclamation points after one sentence. “HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went in the pool today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!” is not very cool. We’re not in second grade anymore, hopefully. 6) Don’t tag a lot of people in your statuses. It’s okay to tag one, two, and sometimes even three people. But having 17 of your friends in one status is a bit overwhelming, not to mention annoying! 7) At least TRY to use correct grammar! Would YOU like to read “went 2 the mall today i ate ice cream 2 cuz i like eating eating is fun OMGOMGOMG i saw Bones tdy it wuz soo good did u no angelas real name isnt angela GASP OMG i rly like pie Michael Block went 2 c valentines day with me it was fun fun fun gng to cali tmrw i luv cali its so grate thr bai!”? No, you wouldn’t. 8) Asking about homework? Not cool! If you need homework help, write on somebody’s wall, or message a group of people in your class. A status like “wuts the bio hw?” is pretty dumb. 9) Writing something really deep and philosophical can sometimes work—if your internet Valentine is Plato, or if Socrates and Aristotle are in your Top Friends on Facebook! Do NOT include “the General Will of the people is, according to Rousseau…” or, “______ is in my State of Nature! Don’t violate my Natural Rights!” That’s not cool. At all. It’s slightly sad. 10) Finally, don’t aim your status at someone if you’re not tagging them in it. Despite popular belief, people DO read other peoples’ statuses, and they might find it offensive if they don’t know it’s not aimed at them. “You’re stupid,” and “I hate people,” and any inside joke statuses (“the BANANA is IN THE BOWL! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH”) don’t work, nor do any statuses similar to, “I’m not a b*&!h, I just have low bulls#%t tolerance.” God knows why people post things like this. Scratch that; not even HE knows! tooo Awesome right In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend.

GIRLFRIENDS

Women are known to be their own worst enemies, and there are so many harmful aspects of female relationships. There are tales of competition, backstabbing, bullying, and sexual shaming, and other hateful, damaging, and downright terrifying things that we women do to each other. Things that we cannot even fathom to do to your own man or male friends. I am not contesting that women can be cruel, manipulative, jealous and petty; I am just saying that we’re incredibly effective at devising ways to hurt one another because we know exactly how difficult to bear our attacks will be. Ever had of those women who struggle to relate to other women, women who are more comfortable around men, women who have had such scarring experiences in their female relationships that they are unsure they’ll ever be able to trust other women again. Well I am that kind of woman, and yes I know that the toxic dark side of friendship among women is getting far more airplay than the astonishingly beneficial bright side. In today’s day and era long lasting female friendships are hard to come by these days. Work schedules, family obligations and long distances are all obstacles to nurturing female friendships, however I am in the works of creating good and long lasting female friendships that can be one of the strongest bonds between human beings after ones children that is. I am talking of, a deep seated enduring loyalty that can rival marriage and blood ties in importance and value. Considering the conflict in schedules, distance, I want friendships where we forgive so many unforgivable things, e.g. long unexplained absences, which dissolve into hugs and laughter. Friends who listen, support, empathize and probe as if our favorite topics were the most compelling on earth and that one’s interest is often enough to pique another’s interest. Girlfriends who will talk to about everything from bowel movements, sexual hang-ups, politics, religion, allergies, in-laws, pet peeves, menstruation and just about every other taboo topic you can imagine, you know, all this in a single sitting, and always without judgment. Friends who will know my husband to be and my family well enough to love them and understand their vital importance, but have just enough distance to give sound, relatively objective advice. Friends, who we can tell each other how proud of each other we are, complement each other’s beauty and all in all be overjoyed when we see each other, I want friends whom, I can share my worries about aging with, people who wrestle with the same body image woes and worry about the same insidious societal pressures. As much as I love my guy friends, only women are confronted with the same forces, so they know first-hand how I feel and why. It won’t matter that we are geographically scattered, as long as we comprise of a truly amazing network of women and I shall be blessed to know them all. As I ask for all this out of my old and new girlfriends this is my promise to you, I will make time for you and make you a priority, even if it’s just a coffee date. I promise to be the kinda friend you want. If you are my old friend and I have done something at one point or another that has made me a flake or kinda put you off, I apologies. Keeping friends doesn’t have to be hard, as long as we show each other respect and make the effort to be friends and create time to these friendships. It’s just like male relationships, we work so damn hard to make them work so why don’t we put the same efforts. So this is my avowal, I promise to make time and work hard to be the kinda friend I want to have.
This is to all the girlfriends in my life and the ones who are on their way in

LOVE LETTER TO THE MAN IN MY LIFE

Dear James
May I please be allowed to open up to you and be frank and tell you a secret that I have been holding onto for a while now? I think this is an opportune moment to tell you. I want you to know that I LOVE YOU, not because of your extraordinary beautiful looks but also because of your kind heart and bright mind. Before I saw you, I had so many desires in my mind and wanted more of everything. Now, when I am happy with your love, I feel contended and don’t want anything else in this world. As long as you are with me I can settle anywhere and be in any part of the place we call earth. With your company, I can face any challenge in life and succeed them with great courage. I seriously doubt whether a future heaven will be as sweet as the present earth with the delicate and delightful company of your love. You are the one I envision a future with, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our children’s annual mini-plays. The one whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night. I promise to love and cherish you for the rest of my life, I will probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities there are a lot of them., and I will probably borrow a number of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly. I promise to be your best friend, the one who you can talk to after a rough day, the person you text when in funny situations. Text when situations get awkward. I will expect you to kill, frogs, rats, snakes and any other crawling insects that will come my way and for that I will make you feel like a superman. I will treat you like a king and cook your favorite food on your birthday; I will try my best to make friends with your mom. I
will respect your night out with the boys without complain and give you your space promise to learn how to play video games. I promise to do all this because you are the one man who takes me the way I am who will laugh as I burst into Disney song or agree to wear matching colors. So, you gorgeous man, the love of my life I have laid down my heart in the hope you will see How much you really, really do mean to me For now, for always, and for all eternity.

Loads of Love
Warugi wa Njoroge

VULNERABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

An ideal relationship is one where the emotional bond is a strong one that has mutual trust/respect, one whose communication is open and you are good friend as well as lover to and with your partner, right, isn’t this what they say. This is easier said than done right? To be open and vulnerable with your partner or spouse there needs to be trust and if the trust is broken in, then you open Pandora’s Box and holes are you find yourself doubting him in other areas.
Where am I going with this, well I am the kind of person whom from an early age, was conditioned to believe that to expose my fears, weaknesses and negative feelings is not really acceptable (children are to be seen and not heard era) and more so at a time of confrontation is to invite trouble (serious thrashing would happen).so am not really good at being vulnerable with people, leave Mr. right but also my good friends. In context to Mr. Right I keep saying and telling him that he needs to be my best friend and he needs to open up to me, but in all honesty I kinda mean can I keep my stuff to myself and you have to tell me everything. Anyway so recently I opened up (literally) to Mr. Right and it felt good and scary simultaneously. For the four years we have been together, with all the ups and downs we have had, we really haven’t or rather I have never opened up to him like I did. You know the fears, and inadequacy that we carry. It takes courage strength and a whole lot of trust to share the tender parts of yourself but how do you do this without trust. Coz when I tell you my fears and flaws I am not handing you a newly modernized weapons system but it’s a sacred gift. Not only in romantic relationships but also with platonic ones, when I am at a point I can trust you with that magical gift called my flaws please make a conscious and open hearted decision to regard this information as the precious gift that it is.
Which made me questions do you believe that your partner should know everything about you? Or do you feel that there should be some things about you (ideas/beliefs/feelings/experiences) that are off-limits in discussing with your partner or allowing your partner to know about you? I know that the alchemy between vulnerability and honesty is the chemical reaction that can transform our communication. But is the willingness to be vulnerable a significant feature of lasting relationships one in which partners are allies and not foes. Which brings me to this point, in every relationship their comes a point at which conflict arises and each relationship has breakdown at some point or another so, if I feel my trust has been damaged then how does one maintain their vulnerability(PLEASE ANSWER THIS) without clamming up and slowly surely isolating the person who has broken your trust. I know that I am the kind of person who builds high wall build around me to avoid being hurt again but my question is how does one strive to be as open and honest as possible and hope that he is also doing the same but still respect that some things are private as best I can.

I'm a woman who carries around all these layers of fear and vulnerability

THE BIG O

A new research has just been released in the states and it shows that 80% of women fake the big O. this is a huge percentage of women; this is actually one of those statistics that show how much help women need. I mean guys imagine how good it is to……………………. ok so in Kenya or Africa as a whole its kinda taboo to talk about sex, especially with us women we just don’t talk about it. I mean think about it(when have you ever asked your girlfriend what was the best sex you’ve ever had) I deviate. But with such statistics it must be so much higher here, where we rarely know what coming (climaxing) is or rarely talk about it. I understand why we fake it especially if you're not in the right frame of mind. It’s often easier while he's trying to give you a good time just to pretend you're having an orgasm. A quick 'Uh-uhuhaaaah!' and everyone's happy. I know guys don’t want to hear this but it’s true. I mean, we can't all be on tip-top sexual form all the time, and isn't a bit of faking just good manners, a social nicety in the same way as when, if someone steps on our toes, we find ourselves saying 'sorry'? But honestly this is a worrying trend especially for those who are constantly faking it. Which got me thinking why do women (from my experience) FAKE IT?
1. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings – how am I expected to tell you when you are putting all that effort that not today, I don’t feel like it.hmm
2. It just isn’t that good to her – this is what I mean sex/making love is supposed to be fun and I am supposed to be enjoying myself but am not so I would rather have it over and done with.
3. Lack of technique- I am not saying ones game is down, but come on try and move abit put me in positions that I will be left wondering “who taught you that”
4. Not enough time. - Ok guys now listen very carefully; very few women can climax within minutes so if you come before my twinges begin then she most definitely will fake it
5. She is self conscious- ok it’s like this women are very interesting beings at times our thoughts when not in the right place we start worrying about things that are not necessary there.
6. Not like that - it is not going to happen! - Not all women can achieve orgasm through intercourse, some can reach it in different ways but mainly when the Clit is stimulated, so the same way you enjoy having a woman go down on you kindly reciprocate the favor.
7. Men and women are different. - Although sex encounters for men are typically ‘great’, most women will reach orgasm more easily with someone they feel a connection with.
We always hear that communication is key to success in a relationship well this is true and (This to both guys and girls) it is more important when it comes to sex, especially when you are getting to know each other’s particular pleasures. We women know our own body, so when she tells you to speed things up or slow them down, pay attention to her “coaching”. If she wants a certain position, take the hint, make her happy and she will not have to fake it. And girls please tell guys coz in all total honesty how is the dude to know that lying on top of you like a dead fish on a slab and drooling on your shoulder's not going to do it for you - unless you tell him? Don’t go damaging his ego but don’t ruin your sex life either.

A satisfied girlfriend is a good girlfriend