How I wish I was you right now, a naïve 17 year old with a youthful mixture of bravado and immaturity, where everything is so important and all decisions larger than life. Oh and you will drop Patricia (first you will add an h’ then drop it completely) to Warugi all in the journey of knowing yourself. I am writing this letter a young 29 year old who is a lil bit taller but none the wiser, whom you wouldn’t recognize; I sure don’t look the same. I want to impart certain things that I wish someone had told me when I was your age, and then maybe I would not have made certain choices.
You are Beautiful, yes you are, STOP berating yourself in front of the mirror. Society has fed you a warped perception of beauty—don’t let its definition convince you that you fall short of everyone else’s expectations. Stop punishing yourself with starvation diets and binge eating to mask what is really bothering you. You are just wasting your energy. . I know how much you’re hurting; you just haven’t figured out yet that inner beauty outlives physical beauty every time. The mirror is not your enemy; see yourself through your own eyes and know that others love you even though you don’t love yourself. Learn to pamper WARUGI and spoil her, if others tell you that you are selfish, that you are self-obsessed, that you love yourself too much. Don't believe them for a second. You deserve to be enthralled with your you-ness. Even after he cheats on you, don’t let him make you feel less than you are, coz the opposite is not good, trust you me I know what I am talking about.
I know you feel as though your parents are judging every move you make and you hate living under a microscope. Strict curfews, being grounded from social activities may seem unreasonable, but your parents really do have your best interests at heart. If they didn’t love you, they wouldn’t care what you did. Boundaries and rules are a sign of good parenting and tough love. You’ll figure this out once you have kids of your own. Appreciate the time you have with your family. The holidays you go to, travelling to Nakuru to see your grandparents ( the void they leave cannot be filled) And once you get married and a lil bit older everyone will have more important things to do, so treasure the moments you have with your family, trust you me you will miss them.
You will discover that school and grades are not everything. Yes, you will have a fluke genius moment and get 100% on your first mathematic exam, when you were sure that you had no idea what you were doing. (It was short-lived and lasted only for that one test). It is not so much what you are learning, but the work ethic that you learn from your dedication to school; take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to you and your commitment to take a chance on the unknown. Trust your instincts because they have proven to be trustworthy and make sure you take risks, because they always seem to put you in the right place at the right time.
Invest in your Friendships, friends that you will stay up all night with for no reason at all except that the conversation never stops. Friends that encourage you to follow your passion and friends that encourage you to leave your comfort zone, but are protective enough to say, ‘make good choices’ before you embark on a new adventure. Worrying about what other people think of you is a waste of time and energy. Don't let someone else's perception of you (unless it's absolutely fabulous!) become how you see yourself. And for God's sake, don't be so hard on yourself all the time. Don't get caught in the trap that everything needs to be perfect, or nothing will ever get done.
Jeez love, hmmm it will be the bane of all your problems, you see if you can only get a strong sense of self now, wohooo you will save yourself loads of money, heartache and time. Love yourself mama, it’s so important otherwise you will get addicted to unhealthy relationships looking for acceptance and validation and all you will get is your emotions and heart trampled on over and over. It’s okay that you have no boyfriend right now, trust you me there are many to come, some will break your heart and you will break others but each one will teach you a valuable lesson in love. Try to really know yourself before you get in a serious relationship or marriage, though the romantic in you won't listen. Remember, if you're not with someone who makes you feel like the most beautiful, loveable and special person in the world, walk away. (And if it makes you feel any better, just know karma's a bitch... May this 5 points guide you on matters of the heart
1. Don't give your heart to boys who don't respect it.
2. Don't think you can change a man.
3. Don't ignore red flags
4. Don't EVER get involved with a taken man.
5. Don't let a guy be the center of your universe.
Last but not least, don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Slow down and enjoy the ride. Life is full of twists and turns; don’t be afraid to stray from the well-worn path that everyone else is walking. Embrace the challenges you’ll face and don’t let the fear of failure box you into years of regret. How will you ever learn anything if you never make a mistake? Trust your intuition, listen to your heart and fight hard for what you believe in. Stop wasting precious time running down hollow streets in search of happiness. You’ll find its been inside you all along.
Older, trying to be wiser