Tuesday, November 22, 2011

MY DAY

Finally the day has come, A day I have waited for a whole year, Today I celebrate the day that I was born, Can you believe it is the day, the day that I was expelled from the womb, a day like today 25 years ago; I was born into this wonderful world, where I have witnessed so many things, both good and bad. Today is a wonderful day. I take time to thank my parents, for the love, care, nourishment, encouragement, for I have lived this long, I couldn’t do it without them. Life has brought many friends my way, some became best friends, others became acquaintances, and others became enemies. I thank Jehovah for all that I have experienced, and as I start this new phase of my life, I pray that he will walk with me and guide me. I know there will be trials along the road but I know with him he shall guide me. This is a great day for me.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

24 THINGS LEARNT WHILE 24

24 THINGS I LEARNT WHILE I WAS 24 This week in exactly 2 days to be precise, I turn 25, what a scary thought. As a child, 25 was ancient and to be very honest it still is, I mean, it’s only 5 short years from the big 3 0. Anyway, I sat down this weekend and reflected on all the things that I have gone through, seen, and I was like, you know its true life is really the best teacher. I realized I have gone through a lot, but I will give you a list of the 24 biggest things I learnt: 1. Love yourself. Become your own priority: this came a bit late but am working on it, 2. Some things just aren’t meant to be. And if they aren’t, move on to what is waiting to be. 3. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time. 4. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness. 5. Nothing heals wounds like time. Sure some things will always hurt when you reminisce on them, but with every passing day, time will help lessen that pain. 6. Friends become strangers. And more importantly, vice versa. 7. Goodbyes are always sad. Especially when you know that it will most likely be the last time you see that person ever again. 8. Pictures are of great importance especially of loved ones and get-togethers. Take many, there will come a day when you are glad you did. 9. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence. 10. People deserve a second chance, but not a third. 11. Consider things from another’s point of view rather than your own all the time 12. Bottling up your feelings slowly kills you on the inside. Find someone you can talk to. 13. Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child. 14. Love has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with time, trust, and interest. 15. What you learn in school doesn’t really matter. You rarely use it actually, 16. It so important to be able to manage your time and money. 17. When you lie, you eventually get caught. That is a guarantee. 18. We are all social beings, but at times it doesn’t hurt to be an island. You learn so much about yourself, other people and the world when you’re alone. 19. People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking- especially the man in your life 20. Accept and embrace change, its hard but you have to move with the times. 21. Always be honest with yourself and others. It creates a name for you. 22. Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. 23. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. 24. The most important one was this IN ORDER TO GET, YOU HAVE TO GIVE. – SUPPORTING, GUIDING AND MAKING CONTRIBUTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE IS ONE OF LIFE’S GREATEST REWARDS. EVERYTHING YOU DO COMES BACK AROUND. When I turn 25 I shall tell you what I plan to achieve by the time I am 30

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

NO TITLE

This is a letter of apology, whom am I apologizing to, Mr. Right for one, a friend, anyone who saw me, my family……………………what am I apologizing for? Now that’s the million dollar question, but from what I hear my actions on Tuesday were not exactly of my kind of behavior, I don’t want to give excuses and I don’t want to blame anyone or anything. Only I am responsible for my actions. To Mr. Right, I don’t want you to think that I may not always feel or know the value of this gift, and I have become painfully aware of the failure that I represent, of not being able to remember certain events that have transpired. I have heard different stories of what happened and some say I was drunk, (but I know myself, I have photographic memory I remember details) anyway no excuses no nothings. Think happy thoughts I keep on telling myself, but am scared, angry, confused and so apologetic coz the things I hear I did, sound so horrendous. I feel like I am taking advantage of the exquisite and unique nature of love.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

WHY ITS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN

I am officially proud to be a woman, not in the orthodox way, but in a less conventional point of thinking. To get my point you will definitely have to read this. I don’t know about all you women out there, but I have definitely been told that I talk a lot (this is a plus for me, coz when I am quiet I am absolutely up to no good). I have also been in a situation whereby, a dude will tell me waaah si your friend can talk or this chic can talk a mile a minute .Well to all who have been clustered in the group of talkative women, or have listened to your male friends go on and on about talkative women, well this is the best READ ever. Believe it or not, one half of the population has always suspected it and the other half vocally denies it. So today I am the bearer of good news, it all comes from reading a book called the female mind and it has been scientifically proven that we women talk THREE TIMES MORE than men. Deal with it. Whoop whoop aren’t you proud to be a woman, I mean that whole belief of what a man can do a woman can do better has just been scientifically proven. As in if you put it into an average number of words, its 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man to be exact. This was a good day for women, one might ask, so what, how does it benefit you, well did you know that the simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.(AWESOME). According to the people behind this theory and to be more specific one Dr Luan Brizendine, “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road” and this is why we treat the world in a different way. The funny thing is all this differences can be traced back to the womb, where the sex hormone testosterone moulds the developing male brain. We also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing our own voice (explains why I talk to myself). This to my guys (so that you don’t feel too bad) apparently what the male brain may lack in conversation and emotion, they more than make up with in their ability to think about sex. What was the best part of this read for me was to understand why Mr. Right goes blank in the middle of an argument. Oh well, hope you are jazzed as I am

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thank You

I don’t know where to start, I have thought and thought some more, I even tried categorizing my thoughts so that they make sense, but I just couldn’t. Many are the times we come to you with the things we want you to do for us, but this is different. The purpose of my writing this letter to you is to tell you how grateful I am to you and to let you know the reasons that I'm grateful. Who knows? I might even get more blessings. I'm not going to ask how you are today because I know you're always fine, yes, I know that I don’t always call, I disobey you at times (sometimes its intentional, but not always), I get mad when things don’t go my way and I’m very stubborn and hardheaded and yet you take me as I am. I wasn’t trying to be perfect by the way. But Jehovah, I am thanking you for the blessings in my life, in all the forms and shape they come in. I am thanking you that I am alive, that I can breathe, that I am not lying in a hospital bed somewhere, Jehovah I thank you for leading me through trials and fears to success, for showing me the light even in times of great darkness. For giving me strength to come this far, for all of this, I thank you. I thank you God for my parents, for their sacrifice and unconditional love for me. For my brothers and sister, who are the best I could ever ask for and more. I thank you God, for my friends, old and new: For my best friends, who make me happy. You know who you are. For my blog readers, who may be silent but leave me with fresh inspiration and motivation to be the best blogger I can be, for my new friends, who continuously remind me that there are so many great people, so little time. I thank you that When I feel tired and weary, you feed me the sweetest nourishment through your Words, let me rest in your spirit, and you send angels in the form of people to make me laugh. I acknowledge that you are an all knowing Lord that is why it’s awkward writing this letter since I know you are fully aware that am writing it and its content. Jehovah as I thank you for all I thank you for me and Mr. Right; I'd like to know why you blessed me so much. I guess I can say its grace. We have no problems here, and I'm grateful for that. In fact Lord he has been very wonderful to me. I thank you for accepting my flaws without anger, for always giving me second chances no matter how stubborn or hardheaded I get and above all for never giving up on me. I know I’ve been whining a lot lately and I know you just wonder why I do it, but sometimes Lord, I wonder why I go through some things and why you just won't let me scale the hurdle like a lot of people would so easily. However I thank you for the strength you give me that enables me to hack it. I'm thankful for those I’ve been comparing myself to also (and as an aside, I’m sorry). You know I could write on and on and there'll be so much to say but I need to go and do that script I’ve been procrastinating on. But you know how grateful I am right? I really am grateful. Your humble daughter Warugi Njoroge

Monday, October 31, 2011

MY LITTLE

I remember it like it was yesterday, the little stick turned blue and later the doctor confirmed it, I was pregnant. When I first knew I was pregnant with you I was nervous and scared. I was wondering what my parents and friends would think. But as each day past I really didn’t care, I sat rubbing my belly, talking to you and waiting for you. Although I couldn’t feel you move, I still felt you there. I was in love with someone and that person was you. I would talk to you at nights about how your life would be, the good things you would have and the people you will meet. I had dreams of you looking like me and your dad holding you after you were born, I could even imagine your dark curly hair. So for a few weeks I went about my daily activities contemplating your presence in me. I felt so beautiful and special growing you inside me. I wondered about your personality. I can remember when I heard your heartbeat for the first time, it was so fast, I asked muriu whether all was well, and he told me it’s good, that’s how it’s supposed to be. I can’t tell you at what point I started worrying, but when I went to the doctor; I kept on thinking maybe I am just over paranoid. I will never forget when the technician said there is no fetal heart rate, you were 12 weeks old. My whole world fell apart and that’s when I knew I had lost you oh how I cried over you, i never got the chance to meet you, there’s so much I want to say. Know this, you might have lived only for 12 weeks but you were loved so very much. You left me too early and for this I still weep, my womb feels empty and the pain is deep. I seat at times and can’t help but wonder, how life would be if you hadn’t been torn away from me, I found you on 12/08/2010 and let you go on 18/10/2010, day by day, I move a little closer to recovery.... though I know life will never be the same. I keep hearing that it simply takes time, but I don’t know how I can recover from this deep and utter loss, when all I want to do is hold you and shower you with love, from the bottom of my feet to the tip of my head, I love you (or should I say, "I loved you"?) I just want to let you know that you will all ways be in my heart., and I w will never stop loving you. The only thing I can do for now is close my eyes and begin to pray, Jesus, will you please bless me again one day.

Monday, October 24, 2011

TELL OR NOT TO TELL: THIS TIME YOU ARE AT FAULT

You are at a party, had a lil bit too much to drink, and this cute guy you have been eyeing for a while is here, you guys have flirted a bit, and then pap he kisses you, then you think waah I need to stop. After a little while, maybe after one, two vodkas, too many, you get yourself in his arms and as they say one thing leads to another and when you open your eyes, it’s morning, in a place you don’t know and you are naked and with someone else who is not your man. Now every time your guilty eyes meet your spouse's, you consider spilling your guts. My question is to tell or not to tell. Will telling the truth bode well for your relationship, or buy you a ticket straight to the single lane? What brought this on; well I read an article in a magazine the other day that stated that one of the newest dating rules was that you didn't tell your partner if you'd cheated, as it would only add to the pain on both sides. Rather, the article suggested, if you were remorseful for your actions and knew you'd never do it again, there was no reason to share with your partner about the unfaithfulness. Weird as it may sound, I think you should tell, me I want to be told so why should I double standard him, however you Should Only Tell When Asked. Ok yes I kind of, sort of, get what the article was getting at (why stir the pot if the issue has been resolved already?) yes coming forward might end the dating relationship, but it might also strengthen things after the initial shock. Don’t you think it would serve as a wakeup call to all parties with regards to what wasn't working? Many might think am contradicting myself, but the truth of the matter is no good can come from your confession. Why you ask because this is a scenario whereby unless he doesn’t like you, your boyfriend will feel hurt and betrayed, which he is allowed to. You will be the bad person and even if you don’t break up, things in your relationship will never be the same. The crack in that mirror called trust will be wide and plus his ego will have been bruised and resentment will have taken root. Here is where we start saying, he will never find out, my dear sister he so will, I don’t know how but they do either be some gossip he heard somewhere or it may be a hypothetical question he wants answered, or it could be that he cheated and wants to know if you have as well so HE will feel less guilty. So whatever reason prompts the question you absolutely must be truthful in your answer. This is where the honesty part comes in tell him how terrible you felt about it but kept it to yourself because you didn’t want to hurt him. If he asks who the other guy is, tell him, but if he asks for details please be fair, don’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know all the gory details, all he needs to know is that it made you miss and appreciate what you had with him and that you hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you. This said, we women don’t just cheat for the sake of it, think of this if the love is worth salvaging, you have to fix the problem or the issues will fester. Ask yourself why you did it and then let your boyfriend know what you need from him. Disclaimer: if asked by Mr right I wouldn’t say, he already has told me he would stab me to death.

Monday, October 17, 2011

ROMANCE

In a previous article I wrote about romance in Relationships, which got me thinking, do guys really know what romance is? It took me back to the beginning of a relationship, where there is mystery, excitement and even the anticipation of knowing the other person. For us women or me for that matter, romance is the act of being lavished with personal attention or with acts of chivalry, courtesy and love. Imagine romance does not have to be expensive. It is the time and attention that makes romance attractive to us, not the amount of money spent. Romance is not always about sex (though it could lead to it) it’s the way you express your affection for me. For me romance is not the big things but the small things. I believe romance is an important means of communication, and I am not referring to the physical attraction you have. Sex is for that. This is for displaying the respect and honor you have for me as your partner and the love that I am freely giving you. Do you know it can be as simple as saying I LOVE YOU? As long as when you are saying it you really mean it and are willing to do anything for me as the special person in your life. Loving another person comes without stipulations if it comes with strings attached then its deep seated opportunism and not love. What I am trying to say is, if I cook your favorite meal, I don’t expect flowers tomorrow but hey that doesn’t mean you mistreat or undervalue me, bring me my flowers. I don’t know about most of you, but have you ever noticed romance is mainly poured thickly (by men of course) when something isn’t going right? I am not sure but I think (correct me if I am wrong) it hits them(men) that waah I am going to lose her, and then the whole realization that it can be lost, forces them to get a deep appreciation for it. I have come to notice that romance is easy when you are dating. I don’t know if it’s the chase that fuels guys and makes them more exciting but once a relationship is formalized or even guys get married things change, it’s like the challenge is gone and the spark that caused the romance has died. (I guess this is why some people believe in short periods of dating and short periods of engagement). Romance is a two-way street. If you want your partner to be romantic, you have to be romantic too. Also you may need to talk with your partner about being romantic. Some partners take hints real well. Others require more direct reminders. Do not be upset if your partner requires more direction. Work with them and help develop the pattern or habit of romance. It will be worth it in the long run. But remember this (CHICS) Remember to take things done for you in the spirit in which they are intended. Okay, maybe the surprise gift you received wasn’t exactly something you’ve been dying for…be appreciative of the giving, even if you’re not of the gift. The fact that someone was trying his/her best to think of you should count for a lot.

Monday, October 10, 2011

DADDY DEAREST

Dear Dad, Well this has been a long time coming, I might have found my prince charming but you will always be my king, with this in mind I thought I should tell you some things that other people know but I may not have ever told you. Hmmm where do I even start? I guess I will start by saying the first two things that come to mind. Thank you and I love you. You are, without a doubt and without equal, the greatest man I have ever known. You are kind and loving to me and my siblings. I have no other man on earth that I can compare you to. You taught me the value of hard work and how to be a business “man”. You instilled in me a self confidence that if I was prepared to work hard enough for something, likelihood I would be successful. This is no small thing. Weird as it may seem I want to thank you for the disciplining that I received, for I would definitely have gone astray. Dad as a girl I thank you for being home every night after work and making time to have dinner with us, I thank you that you showed us the kind of man one should have or what kind of men my brothers should be. I am thankful that we never went hungry or that we lacked in fees. How can u thank a man who taught me to respect my elders and to love the church. Dad you knew that one day I would have to live in a world that was tough, where people were accountable and you forced me to learn things the hard way. These lessons are now bearing fruit in my life as I become a woman. I see a cynical world that loves lies, but you always valued honesty and the truth above all things. Making sure I learnt of this. I am very grateful for all the opportunities you have given me over the years, and the financial help. I'm sorry I haven't been more forthcoming with thanks in the past but am working on it. I think a part of it has to do with the tremendous self-esteem you imparted to your kids. We just can't seem to take "No" for an answer sometimes and think we always deserve the best. But sometimes I think I am too blind to see that "the best" is right under my nose and not on "the other side of the fence". Dad, I thank you for being there I always knew where to get you if not at home then you were at work, always a phone call away. Thank you for coming to all my school functions, I am also very grateful to say that I drive like you and not mum. As I prepare to go and start a new life, I wanna let you know that you have been the one constant presence in my life and you have always made me feel loved, secure, safe, and cared for (how can I thank you enough). Just the same way that you have counseled me, given me advice and encouragement, may it never stop. If I was to give out an award for the Best Earthly father, it would definitely go to you. Your Loving Daughter Warugi

Monday, October 3, 2011

ROMANCE IN A RELATIONSHIP

The ending sound track for RIO the movie, is amazing, the song is sung by a man who is bragging about this woman whom he claims to be his and how he considers himself lucky to have gotten her. Ok, yes its sentimental and mushy, but isn’t that amazing. Do men brag about their women, do they extol their virtues (I don’t thinks so but prove me wrong)? I mean from what I have seen and also experienced its more of that after a man has caught a woman, they are no longer as interested...yes I know for men it’s all about the chase but still. For women Romance is everything, it‘s the spice in food. It’s the icing on the cake. It’s a good game of sport. I have many “boys” some good for me some not so good, but at the end of the day; they all come to one conclusion. Aaaaaah si ni wangu, haendi place. Be it dating for months or years, be it marriage, no matter how many children I bear, a woman should always be romanced. It’s not negotiable, romance should never fade off or for that matter end. I hope I don’t end up sounding like another superficial girl for saying this, but please shower me with the affection that you did when we first men, give me the flowers that I love so much. Buy me my favorite sweets. Take me out for dinner or even better yet, give me our alone day (intimate Reservations). Please don’t be repulsed by the sight of me in sweats or when I have folded myself like an embryo when am cramping, be nice and bring me a hot water bottle or rub my back. I want to play with your hair as you drive, surprise me with a kiss, in a random empty elevator. Sue me, but I want to laugh so hard that I can’t breathe. I want those weird, sweet and confused jokes that give me a random smile. I want to get on the couch with you and watch a movie. Yes I expect fights (and still when we go to bed, you will hold me close) and yes I am not expecting a garden of roses and don’t get me wrong, am not asking or expecting perfection. This is ’s not a schedule where if this doesn’t happen on Friday ati I will be mad. The whole concept of Romance is that its spontaneous, it’s unexpected but the message always is baby I thought about you. Is it too much to ask that, 10 years into a relationship I would still want to get weak knees after a kiss. The Passion should not be let to fizzle out in a relationship and this is fueled by romance. So I f you are my “boys “ (or maybe not) and you are reading this, go to your woman and find the things she likes and once in a while surprise her. If you are a chic reading this, no problem, forward this to his inbox or even better yet tell it to him. If you are mine and you are reading this, Please don’t ever let the romance fade………………………………………….

Thursday, September 29, 2011

THE JOYS OF A FIRST KISS

A Kiss holds two humans together in an exchange of scents, tastes, and emotions. We kiss gently, shyly, hungrily and exuberantly. We kiss in broad daylight and in the dead of the night. We give ceremonial kisses, affectionate kisses and Hollywood pecks. The best however is the first kiss between lovers. It has an option to never end, that is until your jaw gets sore and your lips raw. It’s like drinking salty water, yes you drink but your thirst increases. It’s a feeling that is unimaginable; it captures the joy of seduction and the passionate intimacy of the moment. It has tension that builds and you both know its leading up to something and when it finally happens it’s as if you have been starved for so long and finally a feast has been laid out for you. This tiny thing has power to confuse, scramble and jumble one’s mind, I once read a quote “I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night”. Believe it or not this is true, in fairy tales you hear of kisses that make one leg pop, well a good kiss has this exact effect. I am of the school of thought that kissing is intimate, that when you find someone who fits your kissing groove— who’s in tune with your movements—it can be the biggest turn on. You get lost in each other’s lips and time seemingly stands still. Due to this I am inclined to agree with those of the school of thought that if you don’t know how to kiss then you are a goner. Some might think I am putting a lot of emphasis on a Kiss, but I believe it sets a tempo of a whole relationship. Lips have evolved from first for food and later applied themselves to speech. According to science, in kissing lips satisfy different kinds of hungers. In the body, a kiss triggers a cascade of neural messages and chemicals that transmit tactile sensations, sexual excitement, and feelings of closeness, motivation and even euphoria. When I think about it, My First kiss with Mr. Right just may have been the catalyst that led me to fall in love with him; it made me anticipate that first touch, or the first night when he would hold me tight. Think about it and go back to your most memorable first kiss, where your hands were sweaty, butterflies in your stomach and the pitter patter of your heart beat. If you still think I am putting a lot of emphasis on this little tiny thing, then why do we take the risk of a strangers kiss?

Friday, September 23, 2011

NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA

This statement has been coined to have so many things, Najihurumia Kuwa Mkenya, nahuzunika kuwa mkenya, sijui kuwa mkenya and so many more. Yes there are so many things that as a country we are lacking, this I don’t refuse, we have political scandals, yes our Mps are not exactly the best and yes we have Kenyans dying of hunger, but this aside we have so much going for us. We have a woman, who has been nominated as a Nobel Laureate (Wangari Maathai). A Kenyan son has lit his hometown with invention of solar lamps and even won awards (Evans Wadongo). Think about it, when taking a drive in this expanse country, on your way down to Mombasa just near Machakos, giraffes wave you goodbye, on the way to Nakuru baboons beg you for food on the roadside. Dare you stop; they will snatch them away, just into gilgil, the zebras busy grooming themselves on the roadside. The impalas and gazelles busy sprinting away from traffic. Fear of being the next meal. When driving, through the meandering valleys of Meru, the expanse greens, where the green meets blue (grounds and sky). The fantabulous escarpment in the rift valley, passing the smallest church in Kenya. I won’t even start on the coastal region in our country, the sandy beaches, and the opportunity to swim with dolphins. Think about it we make millions in tourism; people come from far and wide just to witness our lovely environment. Ever seen the sun set behind Mt. Longonot? The view is spectacular. The migration of wildebeests, and I haven’t even talked of the parks, the ability to go see elephants, rhino, buffalo, lions (even have a show), as in all big 5 are available. I haven’t even started talking about the people; we are just as diverse as our country. We have about 42 tribes in Kenya with different languages and cultures that all merge to become the unique mix of Kenyan culture. We are known worldwide, you drink our tea be in India or in England. Did you know,we even export juice. The Kenyan anthem dominates the Olympics. I mean Runners all over the world fear Kenyan runners. We have footballers, basketballers and hockey players playing in international teams. Our Rugby Team is synonymous with winning. If you know anyone in the Diaspora ask them how they crave our local foods, terere, managu,saga just to mention but a few. We are known for our good times, we have given the world or atleast the African continent, a fabulous beer (tusker). Our night life puts a lot of African countries to shame. In Kenya we have Everything, both good and bad. Yes we mainly see the Bad, but then again the GOOD brings a whole load of people to this country. So the next time, you have absolutely nothing to sy or think of this country, think again and that is why NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

10 Ways to Avoid a Bad Facebook Status

i just had to repost this, that my Aunt Cathryn Karanja posted, this comes after an interesting debate with a friend on the limits and boundaries that people pass when posting on this social networks. 1) Avoid anything majorly personal. It’s a status, not your diary, okay? If you need to vent, go to the Dollar Store and pick up a journal. Or three. 2) Don’t talk about how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend. Just because you have one, does NOT make you cool. Sorry. 3) Try not to quote love songs. Nobody wants to log on to, “I miss you like an absent student / Astronauts love moons and I love you / My love for you burns like sizzling sausages.” Not attractive. 4) Don’t act "tough" on your status. Writing something like, “gonna go work out,” won't get you anywhere. Also, no “I punched a locker today. It’s dented,” or, “Beat up Rex today!” or even any, “lifting weights is fun! I lift 250 now. I am MANLY” is allowed. It’s not cool that you punch lockers; it’s scary. And Rex is your dog, dude. And—for real!— nobody cares how much you lift! 5) Don’t use more than two exclamation points after one sentence. “HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went in the pool today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!” is not very cool. We’re not in second grade anymore, hopefully. 6) Don’t tag a lot of people in your statuses. It’s okay to tag one, two, and sometimes even three people. But having 17 of your friends in one status is a bit overwhelming, not to mention annoying! 7) At least TRY to use correct grammar! Would YOU like to read “went 2 the mall today i ate ice cream 2 cuz i like eating eating is fun OMGOMGOMG i saw Bones tdy it wuz soo good did u no angelas real name isnt angela GASP OMG i rly like pie Michael Block went 2 c valentines day with me it was fun fun fun gng to cali tmrw i luv cali its so grate thr bai!”? No, you wouldn’t. 8) Asking about homework? Not cool! If you need homework help, write on somebody’s wall, or message a group of people in your class. A status like “wuts the bio hw?” is pretty dumb. 9) Writing something really deep and philosophical can sometimes work—if your internet Valentine is Plato, or if Socrates and Aristotle are in your Top Friends on Facebook! Do NOT include “the General Will of the people is, according to Rousseau…” or, “______ is in my State of Nature! Don’t violate my Natural Rights!” That’s not cool. At all. It’s slightly sad. 10) Finally, don’t aim your status at someone if you’re not tagging them in it. Despite popular belief, people DO read other peoples’ statuses, and they might find it offensive if they don’t know it’s not aimed at them. “You’re stupid,” and “I hate people,” and any inside joke statuses (“the BANANA is IN THE BOWL! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH”) don’t work, nor do any statuses similar to, “I’m not a b*&!h, I just have low bulls#%t tolerance.” God knows why people post things like this. Scratch that; not even HE knows! tooo Awesome right In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend.

Monday, September 5, 2011

GIRLFRIENDS

Women are known to be their own worst enemies, and there are so many harmful aspects of female relationships. There are tales of competition, backstabbing, bullying, and sexual shaming, and other hateful, damaging, and downright terrifying things that we women do to each other. Things that we cannot even fathom to do to your own man or male friends. I am not contesting that women can be cruel, manipulative, jealous and petty; I am just saying that we’re incredibly effective at devising ways to hurt one another because we know exactly how difficult to bear our attacks will be. Ever had of those women who struggle to relate to other women, women who are more comfortable around men, women who have had such scarring experiences in their female relationships that they are unsure they’ll ever be able to trust other women again. Well I am that kind of woman, and yes I know that the toxic dark side of friendship among women is getting far more airplay than the astonishingly beneficial bright side. In today’s day and era long lasting female friendships are hard to come by these days. Work schedules, family obligations and long distances are all obstacles to nurturing female friendships, however I am in the works of creating good and long lasting female friendships that can be one of the strongest bonds between human beings after ones children that is. I am talking of, a deep seated enduring loyalty that can rival marriage and blood ties in importance and value. Considering the conflict in schedules, distance, I want friendships where we forgive so many unforgivable things, e.g. long unexplained absences, which dissolve into hugs and laughter. Friends who listen, support, empathize and probe as if our favorite topics were the most compelling on earth and that one’s interest is often enough to pique another’s interest. Girlfriends who will talk to about everything from bowel movements, sexual hang-ups, politics, religion, allergies, in-laws, pet peeves, menstruation and just about every other taboo topic you can imagine, you know, all this in a single sitting, and always without judgment. Friends who will know my husband to be and my family well enough to love them and understand their vital importance, but have just enough distance to give sound, relatively objective advice. Friends, who we can tell each other how proud of each other we are, complement each other’s beauty and all in all be overjoyed when we see each other, I want friends whom, I can share my worries about aging with, people who wrestle with the same body image woes and worry about the same insidious societal pressures. As much as I love my guy friends, only women are confronted with the same forces, so they know first-hand how I feel and why. It won’t matter that we are geographically scattered, as long as we comprise of a truly amazing network of women and I shall be blessed to know them all. As I ask for all this out of my old and new girlfriends this is my promise to you, I will make time for you and make you a priority, even if it’s just a coffee date. I promise to be the kinda friend you want. If you are my old friend and I have done something at one point or another that has made me a flake or kinda put you off, I apologies. Keeping friends doesn’t have to be hard, as long as we show each other respect and make the effort to be friends and create time to these friendships. It’s just like male relationships, we work so damn hard to make them work so why don’t we put the same efforts. So this is my avowal, I promise to make time and work hard to be the kinda friend I want to have.
This is to all the girlfriends in my life and the ones who are on their way in

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

LOVE LETTER TO THE MAN IN MY LIFE

Dear James
May I please be allowed to open up to you and be frank and tell you a secret that I have been holding onto for a while now? I think this is an opportune moment to tell you. I want you to know that I LOVE YOU, not because of your extraordinary beautiful looks but also because of your kind heart and bright mind. Before I saw you, I had so many desires in my mind and wanted more of everything. Now, when I am happy with your love, I feel contended and don’t want anything else in this world. As long as you are with me I can settle anywhere and be in any part of the place we call earth. With your company, I can face any challenge in life and succeed them with great courage. I seriously doubt whether a future heaven will be as sweet as the present earth with the delicate and delightful company of your love. You are the one I envision a future with, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our children’s annual mini-plays. The one whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night. I promise to love and cherish you for the rest of my life, I will probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities there are a lot of them., and I will probably borrow a number of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly. I promise to be your best friend, the one who you can talk to after a rough day, the person you text when in funny situations. Text when situations get awkward. I will expect you to kill, frogs, rats, snakes and any other crawling insects that will come my way and for that I will make you feel like a superman. I will treat you like a king and cook your favorite food on your birthday; I will try my best to make friends with your mom. I
will respect your night out with the boys without complain and give you your space promise to learn how to play video games. I promise to do all this because you are the one man who takes me the way I am who will laugh as I burst into Disney song or agree to wear matching colors. So, you gorgeous man, the love of my life I have laid down my heart in the hope you will see How much you really, really do mean to me For now, for always, and for all eternity.

Loads of Love
Warugi wa Njoroge

Thursday, August 25, 2011

VULNERABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

An ideal relationship is one where the emotional bond is a strong one that has mutual trust/respect, one whose communication is open and you are good friend as well as lover to and with your partner, right, isn’t this what they say. This is easier said than done right? To be open and vulnerable with your partner or spouse there needs to be trust and if the trust is broken in, then you open Pandora’s Box and holes are you find yourself doubting him in other areas.
Where am I going with this, well I am the kind of person whom from an early age, was conditioned to believe that to expose my fears, weaknesses and negative feelings is not really acceptable (children are to be seen and not heard era) and more so at a time of confrontation is to invite trouble (serious thrashing would happen).so am not really good at being vulnerable with people, leave Mr. right but also my good friends. In context to Mr. Right I keep saying and telling him that he needs to be my best friend and he needs to open up to me, but in all honesty I kinda mean can I keep my stuff to myself and you have to tell me everything. Anyway so recently I opened up (literally) to Mr. Right and it felt good and scary simultaneously. For the four years we have been together, with all the ups and downs we have had, we really haven’t or rather I have never opened up to him like I did. You know the fears, and inadequacy that we carry. It takes courage strength and a whole lot of trust to share the tender parts of yourself but how do you do this without trust. Coz when I tell you my fears and flaws I am not handing you a newly modernized weapons system but it’s a sacred gift. Not only in romantic relationships but also with platonic ones, when I am at a point I can trust you with that magical gift called my flaws please make a conscious and open hearted decision to regard this information as the precious gift that it is.
Which made me questions do you believe that your partner should know everything about you? Or do you feel that there should be some things about you (ideas/beliefs/feelings/experiences) that are off-limits in discussing with your partner or allowing your partner to know about you? I know that the alchemy between vulnerability and honesty is the chemical reaction that can transform our communication. But is the willingness to be vulnerable a significant feature of lasting relationships one in which partners are allies and not foes. Which brings me to this point, in every relationship their comes a point at which conflict arises and each relationship has breakdown at some point or another so, if I feel my trust has been damaged then how does one maintain their vulnerability(PLEASE ANSWER THIS) without clamming up and slowly surely isolating the person who has broken your trust. I know that I am the kind of person who builds high wall build around me to avoid being hurt again but my question is how does one strive to be as open and honest as possible and hope that he is also doing the same but still respect that some things are private as best I can.

I'm a woman who carries around all these layers of fear and vulnerability

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

THE BIG O

A new research has just been released in the states and it shows that 80% of women fake the big O. this is a huge percentage of women; this is actually one of those statistics that show how much help women need. I mean guys imagine how good it is to……………………. ok so in Kenya or Africa as a whole its kinda taboo to talk about sex, especially with us women we just don’t talk about it. I mean think about it(when have you ever asked your girlfriend what was the best sex you’ve ever had) I deviate. But with such statistics it must be so much higher here, where we rarely know what coming (climaxing) is or rarely talk about it. I understand why we fake it especially if you're not in the right frame of mind. It’s often easier while he's trying to give you a good time just to pretend you're having an orgasm. A quick 'Uh-uhuhaaaah!' and everyone's happy. I know guys don’t want to hear this but it’s true. I mean, we can't all be on tip-top sexual form all the time, and isn't a bit of faking just good manners, a social nicety in the same way as when, if someone steps on our toes, we find ourselves saying 'sorry'? But honestly this is a worrying trend especially for those who are constantly faking it. Which got me thinking why do women (from my experience) FAKE IT?
1. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings – how am I expected to tell you when you are putting all that effort that not today, I don’t feel like it.hmm
2. It just isn’t that good to her – this is what I mean sex/making love is supposed to be fun and I am supposed to be enjoying myself but am not so I would rather have it over and done with.
3. Lack of technique- I am not saying ones game is down, but come on try and move abit put me in positions that I will be left wondering “who taught you that”
4. Not enough time. - Ok guys now listen very carefully; very few women can climax within minutes so if you come before my twinges begin then she most definitely will fake it
5. She is self conscious- ok it’s like this women are very interesting beings at times our thoughts when not in the right place we start worrying about things that are not necessary there.
6. Not like that - it is not going to happen! - Not all women can achieve orgasm through intercourse, some can reach it in different ways but mainly when the Clit is stimulated, so the same way you enjoy having a woman go down on you kindly reciprocate the favor.
7. Men and women are different. - Although sex encounters for men are typically ‘great’, most women will reach orgasm more easily with someone they feel a connection with.
We always hear that communication is key to success in a relationship well this is true and (This to both guys and girls) it is more important when it comes to sex, especially when you are getting to know each other’s particular pleasures. We women know our own body, so when she tells you to speed things up or slow them down, pay attention to her “coaching”. If she wants a certain position, take the hint, make her happy and she will not have to fake it. And girls please tell guys coz in all total honesty how is the dude to know that lying on top of you like a dead fish on a slab and drooling on your shoulder's not going to do it for you - unless you tell him? Don’t go damaging his ego but don’t ruin your sex life either.

A satisfied girlfriend is a good girlfriend

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

MEN WOMEN RELATIONSHIPS

Men are pathological cheats! Not all of them but a major majority of them. Sadly its true. This week a friend called me ranting and raving about how her man is a male whore and how he has a bad habit of cheating on her. Well my question is this What is it that men look 4 in women? coz it seems they never find it as they are always chasing more than one. So it brought along an interesting debate with the man I hope to tolerate till death, and he says that men are unique, that they have an ability to love two women (some sane man refute this for me please) at the same time but he chooses to marry the one who makes his life better.( HOW NICE but please don’t do me a favor) Kwani it’s a contractual partnership we are getting into. I mean if you happen to love two people simultaneously please stay with the one you loved second coz if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t happen to love anyone else after. So this really got me thinking of the differences in the two sexes. Ok so other than the physical difference and psychological differences. I mean relationships between men and women are not necessarily difficult or impossible but our lack of knowledge and mutual experiences give rises to our difficulties. Someone once told me that Women are like padlock the more they are opened the more useless they are while men are like keys the more they open (master key) the more should be preserved ( this has man written all over it) but our failure to recognize and appreciate these differences can become a lifelong source of disappointment, frustration, tension and eventually our downfall in a relationship. I mean think of the fights that we have with our significant others they simply arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should think feel or act the way we do. Imagine believe it or not men do not leave in completely different realities. The task that faces men and women is to learn to accept their differences, avoid taking their differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. So with that in mind, my dear men: considering am a woman any man reading this please consider the following when in a relationship with a woman:

• Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships
• For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.
• Women are more intuitive, holistic, creative, integrative
• Women want empathy, but you men usually offer solutions.
• When women are upset, it is not the time to offer solutions, though that may be appropriate at a future time when she is calmed down
• Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance
• Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished.
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

Monday, August 1, 2011

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

I prefer that you tell me the truth even it its hurts rather than lie to me just to make me happy………………………….how true is this statement……. And I ask in this context . Say you have a good friend or an acquaintance whom you like and you meet her man out in the clubs or in a restaurant and you see her man with some other woman looking too cozy…….DO YOU OR DON’T YOU TELL? I am of the school of thought please tell , why you may ask, it’s so important for us women to start covering each other’s nakedness with love. - I expect you would want no less if the roles were reversed and I saw your boyfriend cheating on you. . I don't care about saving a friendship with someone who won't look out for my best interests and at least be straight up with me. Some may argue that the messenger will be shot well this is tricky but do you think your friend can be so shallow to that point, if one of my friends knew I was being cheated on and didn't tell me, I would probably never speak to them again. Hell, even if an acquaintance knew and didn't tell me, I would want nothing to do with them. Medically speaking there are hundreds of STD's out there, a good friend MUST tell a friend or family member when suspected infidelity is possible. A partner has a right to know, and it could be a matter of life or even death! Plus think about this we women have a sixth sense so if I think he is cheating on me then he probably is and am already having that uneasy feeling so you will be playing a vital role in helping me realize that I am not a stupid, jealous and psycho woman. What happens if the person already knows and is in a state of denial, not wanting to accept? Well that’s a person’s predilection but you will have done your part and been a true friend. Come on ladies...let’s stick together and take care of each other. Men are very literal for them its bros before hoes so why can’t we make it chic’s before dics.

Cheat Sheet For cheaters

Ok so most of y’all are big funs of Joey Greco well here are a few thing he hasn’t told you c/o ASG:
 The friend you tell today will be the former friend who rats you out tomorrow…. They will rat you out. They always do. Why? Because there are two types of friends:The friend who wants to bang your girlfriend and The friend who is a good person.
 STDs are real and there are lots of skanky women who carry them, especially among women who are willing to cheat with you. A diamond may be forever, but gonorreah lasts a helluva long time too
 Hook up in public and chances are good that you will be spotted by someone you don't know who knows you, and knows your girlfriend. It's a small world.
 The hookup girl may play it cool for a while, but chances are she wants to be the full time thing and she will secretly work to get you busted.
 The more you go back for some, the greater the risk you will get busted.
 If you are meeting your side thing at your place, your neighbors know and sometimes they talk to girlfriends. Especially if you live in an apartment with thin walls.
 Girlfriends see strange numbers on your phone and investigate them.
 Your girlfriend's family and friends have a longer memory than she does. Long after girlfriend forgave you, her family and friends will still hate you.
 Your girlfriend WILL cheat on you in retaliation. She won't tell you about it, ever, but she and her girlfriends will share many a giggle at your expense. Oh yeah, the guy she cheats with will be hotter than you.
 Your girlfriend will try harder than anything to forget what you did. She will not. It will always hurt.
 Trying to date two women costs three times as much. (LOL!)If you want to fix things with your girlfriend, she will forgive you, but the relationship will change. She will always have trust issues with you from that moment on, no way around it. Besides, you deserve it.
 Even if the other woman says she is cool with just having casual sex with you and is not emotionally committed, its not true, she cares and it will come out at some point. She may become violent.
 here are hundreds of signs that you may exhibit that tell your girl that you are cheating that you are unaware of. You don't realize it, but you are guilty of most of them.
 Girlfriends will seek support from YOUR friends and family. They will resent you, not her.
 Keep your story straight. Girlfriends are often very methodical and like a criminal defense attorney, they will tear apart your story and try and exploit each gap they find. When they do, they will tear apart you and try to exploit each gap they find. Chances are, you will fail at this. If you are stupid enough to cheat, you aren't smart enough to lie your way out of it.
 Once disposed of, the now ex-girlfriend may contact your next real girlfriend and befriend her, then drop the hammer on you.

Monday, June 27, 2011

A Hurting Heart

Babies seem to be everywhere these days. and if you are like me this is the most painful and sweetest thing to see (irony I know). Since I could remember I have wanted a child, a human being to love and treasure, to teach what is good and right in the eyes of Jehovah. A person to give affection, a person to love. But the sad thing is this is never coming. For ages I knew my purpose on earth was to be a mother. Why, you may ask? Coz I have this void I want to fill, some part of me is incomplete. I have such mothering instincts its scares me. Illogical I know but who can question emotions. I just suffered a miscarriage and the anguish and torment that has filled me is immense, the tears flow so freely nothing I can do can stop it even movies on TV are in cahoots with each other. One never thinks that even though it’s a miscarriage or a still birth one feels a bond for this child whom you will never here cry, whom you will never hold but you will always love.
So how old am I to be in such turmoil you may ask. I am a mere 24yr old, not yet married (in the Works though) to many my age is so young yet a child. But my heart and hurt beg to differ. I do not think barrenness regardless of age, religion or social group has different effects. We all languish every month when what is supposed to be a gift turns to a curse (Menses) when you are done questioning yourself and blaming yourself. When you have done all that you can do within your means literally at ropes end. What next?
I know am young, I know it’s still early, I know all I need to know but that doesn’t mean it stops hurting every time I lose a baby. Does someone understand this turmoil, this hurt, this misery am living in. am tired of pretending I can do it, I am tired of the hurt, I am sick and tired of it all. I am trying to maintain the happy face everyone expects, while inside; the truth is eating me alive knowing I can't change it no matter how hard I try.

Disclaimer written in tears

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Violence against women

How many people do you know in violent relationships? What would you do if anyone you knew was in such a relationship? What would your answer be? Well this question was recently posed to me and my answer was I am fortunate to know none. And what would I do? I would get them help. Naïve of me I know but I mean a real Man never hits a woman or makes her feel like she is worthless. So I thought but it seems in Africa and Kenya in particular, Women and children are often in great danger in the place where they should be safest: within their families. For many, ‘home’ is where they face a regime of terror and violence at the hands of somebody close to them – somebody they should be able to trust. Those victimized suffer physically and psychologically. Their human rights are denied and their lives are stolen from them by the ever-present threat of violence.
It seems that domestic violence has been a long-standing problem in Kenya, particularly in rural areas. Deeply engrained beliefs about gender roles and marriage have encouraged the practice. In a patriarchal society, domestic violence is actually recognized as one way of disciplining one's wife. In fact, even the society socializes you as a woman to anticipate this discipline. It is so deeply inculcated in many peoples' minds that you have women who say when they have not been beaten; their husbands have stopped loving them. When people talk about abuse we concentrate on physical abuse and the frequency of the said abuse, a woman will say that she has never encountered violence as her husband/partner has only hit her once. Does the infrequency of it stop it from being abuse?
Violence in women is not just physical but also sexual and Emotional. Violence against women goes beyond beatings, its forced marriages, marital rape, sexual harassment, intimidation at work and school, forced pregnancies, forced abortions and many more where the rights of the woman are infringed upon. Apparently in an educated society, violence against women is on the rise, many have said this is due to poverty and alcoholism. But don’t you think this is plain cowardice on the perpetuator of the violence?
One then is forced to ask so how come the women in the said relationships stay is it due to love, responsibility for their children or have they been socialized to accept that it is in order to be beaten, and that there is no need to report such matters. I know there are women coming forward because more are aware that violence is wrong and that it's more than just physical, and more believe that it is acceptable to walk away from an abusive situation. This then leads me to wonder, does the indifference by the police force play a part in discouraging women from reporting violence?
How then can we reduce the numbers of people in violent situations? This calls for an awareness creation exercise to let women know that being beaten or violated is inhuman. The government also needs to know that setting new laws on the books is not enough. Law enforcement and court mechanisms also have to be made friendly and accessible to women, in all regions. We all have a role to play, let’s play it to make our country, a friendlier place for our sisters, daughters, mothers and even grandmothers.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

DOES LOVE FADE

They say Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical. I have been having an ongoing argument on whether you love your Husband/fiancée/ boyfriend or are you in love with them? Apparently being in love is something that women have concocted anyway I don’t want to talk on love, the sweet butterfly kiss feeling. No I want to talk about this side of love:
Love’s first blushing fading? Lost that loving feeling? Love is not all around?
Are this just clichés or does it actually happens? When you started your relationship you had powerful feelings of love towards your partner, but these have now faded. Or you find, you have become bored with the relationship and wonder whether it will last. What happens in a long-term partnership when one half of the team feels as though he or she is falling out of love? Is the love really gone? Or are Most of us probably allured by the attractive notion that effortless relationships exist. Whether it be happily-ever-after marriages, or friendships which last forever, or parent/child bonds which supersede the need to understand each other, or is Love a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

WHY MEN BEHAVE BADLY

“Kwani all men must have kids with some woman whom is not their partner?” Was the beginning of a heated conversation with the girls on a random Sunday afternoon? My answer was hell no, then I was asked to go through my list of “boys” and the sad fact is most of my friends do have Baby Mamas whom they do not necessarily see but assist with the child.
This got me thinking Why Do men Cheat.Recently the Time Magazine had an interesting article on SEX, LIES and ARROGANCE: What Makes Powerful Men behave so badly. They tried to blame the Three Vices on why men cheat but I beg to differ. For the purposes of this blog just hear me out: I think men be they rich, poor or just comfortable will cheat and it has no reason to do with Sex LIES AND ARROGANCE and this has to do with according to one Cyril Connor “that it’s the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which is the prime cause of infidelity, that infallible rejuvenator”
i mean think about families, friends or just a cousins- friends- sister who has had either a woman who comes out of the wall claiming they are in love with your husband/ boyfriend/ fiancée or a child dumped in your house and the child is calling your husband/ boyfriend/ fiancée Daddy. I am not trying to say that if one cheats with so and so they have to fall in love or a baby has to be the fruit of an affair. It’s just somehow, some way it always comes out of the woodwork. If you don’t believe me then watch Cheaters with Joey Greco and its millions of fun or so I hear (( Nothing against the programme, but I think its trashy) or ask those who watch it what their obsession is.
We know of many women who have stayed with their partners after they have cheated, some really famous people and some not so famous people me included. ( just to digress) if you stay with your partner after he has cheated on you, then do you open a new account somewhere go to adultfriend finder and get yourself a hook up? I mean si he also cheated. It’s not easy (speaking from experience). anyway when I choose to stay someone asked me whether it’s a sign of weakness on my part and for the longest of times that was my battle then I realized The ability to forgive someone makes you a better and stronger human being. It takes greater strength of character to rebuild a relationship after an affair, than to just give up and quit. But this is only once you realize that the only person responsible for the adultery is the adulterer and that the relationship wasn't as good as it could be because if it were there would've been no reason to cheat. May sound harsh, but it's true. Therefore do not go back to the relationship as was . but What happens if it occurs again? I will let you know in the next blog.