LETTER TO A CHEATING MAN

I haven’t blogged in forever, time just flies and the thoughts in my head are all over the place to a point that the voices have started drowning each other out. This blog will probably get mixed reactions, but DON'T get me wrong I am happy in my relationship and am looking forward to getting married and getting into the next phase of my life. I have always thought that there is nothing as bad as thinking your man has cheated on you, and then I learnt it gets worse when you actually know he is cheating on you. This is the second worst feeling, Saturday I was with a few women while having a few glasses of wine we talked of the things that they have witnessed and experienced in their marriages and relationships respectively, I know we are told to forgive and forget and while that might (don’t know) be possible, I think it gives one (women that is) a sense of paranoia, whereby it’s a case of once bitten twice shy. Recently I did a course and Laimani (Alabastron) taught me one thing on letting go and leaving it at the cross (did this with Mr. Right and, we are (or I am) as happy as we (I) can be.)I told this group of women the same thing. They asked how it’s possible and I told them the one exercise that I did with Laimani was to write down his good traits and how she taught me to confront the issue. For many of us women we don’t know how to confront without being angry or being abusive and in my process of healing I did just that, I sat down and wrote a letter to help me let go of my anger and hurt. Hi Writing this letter is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am sorry that my love wasn't to your expectation, but I loved/love you to the best of my ability. I am angry coz you have made me a fool. The love I have for you is so.......that I have closed my ears to my friends who whisper behind my back on your infidelity and ask how I can stay, to the point that they believe I am getting exactly what I deserve if I can’t stand for myself. I know about your affair, you have hidden it from me for as long as you could but yet spoke so freely to your friends. To be honest you behavior shocks me, often you said you love me and you want me, this is what I can’t get to apprehend, how can you lie to me? Right to my face. You said we were best friends, now I know better as no friend would do this to another. You always knew trust was a major thing for me, yet it was the one thing you betrayed. Of course I know, we girls tend to know, but I played the deaf ear and blind eye to it (denial. I told myself, no, no he can’t be cheating on me. How am I expected to trust you? I wish you could talk to me about it, and help me understand your actions and deeds, but please, don't tell me I wasn't there, don't tell me it’s something I did or didn't do. As it is my world has turned into a dark, empty and bottomless pit. I am falling into an unknown and I can do nothing about it. You keep abusing the tiny trust that I am working so hard to build up in you. How would you react if the game was turned and it was me doing this? I am not saying things are perfect (show me a relationship that is) and I know you owe me nothing, but I wish you would have handled things more carefully. At least given me some slight respect. I am sorry if my expectations of you were higher than you could achieve. Sometimes I close my eyes and wish it was a prank, or KISS 100 has called me with a gotcha crew. You have left me lost, confused, hurt, more sick than I have ever felt and all this was because I had truly loved you. If you want to put the blame on me, why couldn’t you let me go when you sensed things weren’t right or just maybe I wasn’t enough for you. I am trying to believe you and I take your apology for just that, and I know somewhere inside me I can forgive you. My forgiveness won’t be now or tomorrow, please understand that I am angry, hurt and in despair. Understand that I am at my lowest point and I know it can’t get worse than this. I am not sure I love you the way I did but I do know it’s still there. Your hurting gal friend PS:to all the women It actually works, you don’t have to give it to him, this is all for your healing, and especially if you have decided to stay. And if you believe that the love you have is strong. It works. Give it a try. PS:S to Mr. Right if you are reading this i truly love you but i sure aint going through this again.