VULNERABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

An ideal relationship is one where the emotional bond is a strong one that has mutual trust/respect, one whose communication is open and you are good friend as well as lover to and with your partner, right, isn’t this what they say. This is easier said than done right? To be open and vulnerable with your partner or spouse there needs to be trust and if the trust is broken in, then you open Pandora’s Box and holes are you find yourself doubting him in other areas.
Where am I going with this, well I am the kind of person whom from an early age, was conditioned to believe that to expose my fears, weaknesses and negative feelings is not really acceptable (children are to be seen and not heard era) and more so at a time of confrontation is to invite trouble (serious thrashing would happen).so am not really good at being vulnerable with people, leave Mr. right but also my good friends. In context to Mr. Right I keep saying and telling him that he needs to be my best friend and he needs to open up to me, but in all honesty I kinda mean can I keep my stuff to myself and you have to tell me everything. Anyway so recently I opened up (literally) to Mr. Right and it felt good and scary simultaneously. For the four years we have been together, with all the ups and downs we have had, we really haven’t or rather I have never opened up to him like I did. You know the fears, and inadequacy that we carry. It takes courage strength and a whole lot of trust to share the tender parts of yourself but how do you do this without trust. Coz when I tell you my fears and flaws I am not handing you a newly modernized weapons system but it’s a sacred gift. Not only in romantic relationships but also with platonic ones, when I am at a point I can trust you with that magical gift called my flaws please make a conscious and open hearted decision to regard this information as the precious gift that it is.
Which made me questions do you believe that your partner should know everything about you? Or do you feel that there should be some things about you (ideas/beliefs/feelings/experiences) that are off-limits in discussing with your partner or allowing your partner to know about you? I know that the alchemy between vulnerability and honesty is the chemical reaction that can transform our communication. But is the willingness to be vulnerable a significant feature of lasting relationships one in which partners are allies and not foes. Which brings me to this point, in every relationship their comes a point at which conflict arises and each relationship has breakdown at some point or another so, if I feel my trust has been damaged then how does one maintain their vulnerability(PLEASE ANSWER THIS) without clamming up and slowly surely isolating the person who has broken your trust. I know that I am the kind of person who builds high wall build around me to avoid being hurt again but my question is how does one strive to be as open and honest as possible and hope that he is also doing the same but still respect that some things are private as best I can.

I'm a woman who carries around all these layers of fear and vulnerability

THE BIG O

A new research has just been released in the states and it shows that 80% of women fake the big O. this is a huge percentage of women; this is actually one of those statistics that show how much help women need. I mean guys imagine how good it is to……………………. ok so in Kenya or Africa as a whole its kinda taboo to talk about sex, especially with us women we just don’t talk about it. I mean think about it(when have you ever asked your girlfriend what was the best sex you’ve ever had) I deviate. But with such statistics it must be so much higher here, where we rarely know what coming (climaxing) is or rarely talk about it. I understand why we fake it especially if you're not in the right frame of mind. It’s often easier while he's trying to give you a good time just to pretend you're having an orgasm. A quick 'Uh-uhuhaaaah!' and everyone's happy. I know guys don’t want to hear this but it’s true. I mean, we can't all be on tip-top sexual form all the time, and isn't a bit of faking just good manners, a social nicety in the same way as when, if someone steps on our toes, we find ourselves saying 'sorry'? But honestly this is a worrying trend especially for those who are constantly faking it. Which got me thinking why do women (from my experience) FAKE IT?
1. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings – how am I expected to tell you when you are putting all that effort that not today, I don’t feel like it.hmm
2. It just isn’t that good to her – this is what I mean sex/making love is supposed to be fun and I am supposed to be enjoying myself but am not so I would rather have it over and done with.
3. Lack of technique- I am not saying ones game is down, but come on try and move abit put me in positions that I will be left wondering “who taught you that”
4. Not enough time. - Ok guys now listen very carefully; very few women can climax within minutes so if you come before my twinges begin then she most definitely will fake it
5. She is self conscious- ok it’s like this women are very interesting beings at times our thoughts when not in the right place we start worrying about things that are not necessary there.
6. Not like that - it is not going to happen! - Not all women can achieve orgasm through intercourse, some can reach it in different ways but mainly when the Clit is stimulated, so the same way you enjoy having a woman go down on you kindly reciprocate the favor.
7. Men and women are different. - Although sex encounters for men are typically ‘great’, most women will reach orgasm more easily with someone they feel a connection with.
We always hear that communication is key to success in a relationship well this is true and (This to both guys and girls) it is more important when it comes to sex, especially when you are getting to know each other’s particular pleasures. We women know our own body, so when she tells you to speed things up or slow them down, pay attention to her “coaching”. If she wants a certain position, take the hint, make her happy and she will not have to fake it. And girls please tell guys coz in all total honesty how is the dude to know that lying on top of you like a dead fish on a slab and drooling on your shoulder's not going to do it for you - unless you tell him? Don’t go damaging his ego but don’t ruin your sex life either.

A satisfied girlfriend is a good girlfriend