WOMEN'S PREROGATIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are hard; they want and require a lot of work. They are made hard by the fact that they constitute two humans beings of the opposite sex, with different wirings and expectations of the other. (So does this make same sex relationships easier, mind you am not condoning it) My best friend told me that a man is a man and I should therefore let him be. This might be true but that doesn’t mean a man gets the opportunity or leeway to do as he pleases regardless of a woman’s emotions and feelings. Yes there are certain fundamentals that we have to let be, and I have no intentions nor should any woman want to change a man but if those fundamentals are infringing on my feelings and you as the man have absolutely no respect for them due to the fact that “I am a Man” then baby better be prepared to meet the wrath of a woman. In this regard I am talking about what is popularly known as side Dishes, as in affairs, I totally disagree that a man has to cheat, that it is in his nature or that men do not have the word monogamy in their dictionary. Mr. Rights best friend once told him that he should take his fun where and when he can. (Talk of misinformation) I am not going to be hypocritical and say women are the best, that we are always the victims, I mean I switch on your stations and listen to the filth that is spewed by certain women, heck I have guys in my life who are having affairs with married WOMEN and we also have been known to take each others boyfriends, heck even I have had affairs. I will not speak on behalf of men as I do not subscribe to their way of thinking, but what happened to the expectations we have as women? What questions do we ask ourselves? What is the final straw that breaks your back? What is too much for you? Is this an open relationship? Am I allowed to cheat because you are? Guys and also we chic’s have made fun of “the List” that dictated what we want in a man/ woman. I am of the opinion that it guided ones boundaries. Therefore the questions above would become moot as one knew what we expected of my man. “The List” was made to be unrealistic and then it became worse, due to the ratio of men to women, we have been made to feel that we women are few and therefore extremely lucky should you have a man. Is this really true? Do you consider yourself lucky if the man you are so supposedly lucky to have, cheats on you constantly, beats on you, is a pathological cheat? Why did we as women have to adjust our expectations? When did it become acceptable to be with a man who cheats on you? Why did we as women cheapen ourselves? What are we supposed to teach our daughters, younger sisters or any other young girl in society? Women are the backbone of a community and if we cannot value ourselves or hold ourselves up in dignity, who will? I don’t want to be that girl, the one who stands here and hears what you supposedly didn’t do with that girl. I need to be the one with the courage to leave to get that person that God made for me, the one who has been put on Earth for just me and this should be all women across the board. Am I saying Wake up and leave your relationship, NO, I am saying LOVE yourself more to know what is or isn’t good for you. GOOD WEEK ALL

VULNERABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS

An ideal relationship is one where the emotional bond is a strong one that has mutual trust/respect, one whose communication is open and you are good friend as well as lover to and with your partner, right, isn’t this what they say. This is easier said than done right? To be open and vulnerable with your partner or spouse there needs to be trust and if the trust is broken in, then you open Pandora’s Box and holes are you find yourself doubting him in other areas.
Where am I going with this, well I am the kind of person whom from an early age, was conditioned to believe that to expose my fears, weaknesses and negative feelings is not really acceptable (children are to be seen and not heard era) and more so at a time of confrontation is to invite trouble (serious thrashing would happen).so am not really good at being vulnerable with people, leave Mr. right but also my good friends. In context to Mr. Right I keep saying and telling him that he needs to be my best friend and he needs to open up to me, but in all honesty I kinda mean can I keep my stuff to myself and you have to tell me everything. Anyway so recently I opened up (literally) to Mr. Right and it felt good and scary simultaneously. For the four years we have been together, with all the ups and downs we have had, we really haven’t or rather I have never opened up to him like I did. You know the fears, and inadequacy that we carry. It takes courage strength and a whole lot of trust to share the tender parts of yourself but how do you do this without trust. Coz when I tell you my fears and flaws I am not handing you a newly modernized weapons system but it’s a sacred gift. Not only in romantic relationships but also with platonic ones, when I am at a point I can trust you with that magical gift called my flaws please make a conscious and open hearted decision to regard this information as the precious gift that it is.
Which made me questions do you believe that your partner should know everything about you? Or do you feel that there should be some things about you (ideas/beliefs/feelings/experiences) that are off-limits in discussing with your partner or allowing your partner to know about you? I know that the alchemy between vulnerability and honesty is the chemical reaction that can transform our communication. But is the willingness to be vulnerable a significant feature of lasting relationships one in which partners are allies and not foes. Which brings me to this point, in every relationship their comes a point at which conflict arises and each relationship has breakdown at some point or another so, if I feel my trust has been damaged then how does one maintain their vulnerability(PLEASE ANSWER THIS) without clamming up and slowly surely isolating the person who has broken your trust. I know that I am the kind of person who builds high wall build around me to avoid being hurt again but my question is how does one strive to be as open and honest as possible and hope that he is also doing the same but still respect that some things are private as best I can.

I'm a woman who carries around all these layers of fear and vulnerability

MEN WOMEN RELATIONSHIPS

Men are pathological cheats! Not all of them but a major majority of them. Sadly its true. This week a friend called me ranting and raving about how her man is a male whore and how he has a bad habit of cheating on her. Well my question is this What is it that men look 4 in women? coz it seems they never find it as they are always chasing more than one. So it brought along an interesting debate with the man I hope to tolerate till death, and he says that men are unique, that they have an ability to love two women (some sane man refute this for me please) at the same time but he chooses to marry the one who makes his life better.( HOW NICE but please don’t do me a favor) Kwani it’s a contractual partnership we are getting into. I mean if you happen to love two people simultaneously please stay with the one you loved second coz if you loved the first one then you wouldn’t happen to love anyone else after. So this really got me thinking of the differences in the two sexes. Ok so other than the physical difference and psychological differences. I mean relationships between men and women are not necessarily difficult or impossible but our lack of knowledge and mutual experiences give rises to our difficulties. Someone once told me that Women are like padlock the more they are opened the more useless they are while men are like keys the more they open (master key) the more should be preserved ( this has man written all over it) but our failure to recognize and appreciate these differences can become a lifelong source of disappointment, frustration, tension and eventually our downfall in a relationship. I mean think of the fights that we have with our significant others they simply arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should think feel or act the way we do. Imagine believe it or not men do not leave in completely different realities. The task that faces men and women is to learn to accept their differences, avoid taking their differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to compromise whenever possible. So with that in mind, my dear men: considering am a woman any man reading this please consider the following when in a relationship with a woman:

• Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships
• For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.
• Women are more intuitive, holistic, creative, integrative
• Women want empathy, but you men usually offer solutions.
• When women are upset, it is not the time to offer solutions, though that may be appropriate at a future time when she is calmed down
• Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance
• Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished.
“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.