LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT

 Have you ever had an epiphany? One of those “a-ha” moments where something just clicks for you? Maybe it’s something you've been struggling with for a long time, or maybe it was a piece of advice you learned from a friend. Due to certain circumstances that I found myself in lately, I got to spend some quality time with myself and I came to the following conclusions:

1.       I am the most important person.  I have to be my own best friend, you see when someone says  something I don’t like I  walk away but if I am the one putting myself down I can’t walk away from me so I might as well be nice to myself. At the same time however I must remember I am not the center of the universe.  Yes it’s incredibly difficult to think about the world from a perspective other than our own but it’s important to remove yourself as the center of the universe and pay attention to what’s going on in front of you, around you and inside you.

2.       We must love. You know the saying, “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” I know, such statements sound so trite and weak on the surface that we often dismiss them with a wave of the hand. But it’s the cold truth, a truth so profound that perhaps we can only discuss it with little clichéd statements. But we must love, even if it breaks our hearts. Love is the supreme expression of life; it is the essence and ground of all creation. At the same time Love isn’t enough, it is not enough to survive. We must take action to show others that we care to show them that we love them and whether we like it or not, often those who aren’t the easiest to love are the ones who need it the most.

3.       Relationships matter. Not every relationship matters all that much, but there are a few that really, really matter. It is important to know that friends change and that does not give us a reason to change the said friends. With that said you don’t need everyone to like you. Yes it’s a mammalian instinct to want to be liked, but you can’t value every relationship the same, and thus you can’t expect everyone to love you the same. Life doesn’t work that way, when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. But remember nobody makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who help you.

4.     You have to let it go. For me the hardest thing to do is trust, have faith and forgive when I have been wronged. This is the hardest lesson for me, MOVING ON, Huh, how I struggle, but you see the world does not stop for my grief. Yes my emotions are mine and I have every right to them but one has to move on. You see when you take things too seriously it just stresses YOU out. I have not worked on the kinks yet but I am learning to suck it up, keep my head high and continue with life as if what happened did not bother me.

5.       Happiness is not based on external status, it is an internal state. Neither money nor success can make me happy; At best it will pacify us momentarily. At worst it will ruin our lives, leaving one empty and depressed. However the secret to happiness is the acceptance of you.

6.        Honesty is profoundly important. Honesty, at the most simple level, is telling the truth, not lying. It’s incredibly important to be honest, and it’s hurtful when you’re not, but do not push to know a secret it might change your life (not positively). Honesty goes hand in hand with Openness; openness is just as important as honesty, actually it is more complicated than honesty, because it involves being honest, while painting an accurate picture, shooting straight, not misleading other people, and being real. Openness is far more subjective, and you have to be honest with yourself before you can be open with others.

7.       It’s OK to change; change is growth. We all want a different outcome, and at the same time most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t much fun. But when we learn to enjoy the process of change—when we chose to look at the uncertain as variety instead of uncertainty—then we get to reap all the rewards of change. And that’s how we grow as people.

8.       You must make change a must. You see only you know when you are unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled. If you are like me, I know this should change. A friend of mine quoted Anthony Robbins who aptly describes all these shoulds in my life: he says “after a while you end up shoulding all over yourself.” Anthony goes on to say when one understand this on an emotional level you are able to turn your shoulds into musts. So a decision is not a real decision until it is a must for you, until you are compelled to take action.

9.       Finding your passion is important. Maybe you already know what your passion is; maybe you don’t have a clue. Do yourself a favor and figure it out, it will change everything for you. Don't miss the magic of the moment by focusing on what’s to come.

10.   Doubt kills. The person who stops you from doing everything you want to do, who stops you from being completely free, who stops you from being healthy or happy or passionate or living a meaningful life is you.  We can doubt ourselves to death.

At the end of the day I’m still trying to figure it all out. I don’t intend to disseminate my views and opinions as some sort of absolute lessons by which you should live your life. What works for me might not work for you (hell, sometimes it doesn’t even work for me), but it is important to know just what is important for you.

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Today we celebrate women, all over the world, and you know what as much as i Celebrate special women like my Mom, Mother in law, Sister and sis-in-laws. I celebrate Me the most, you know why because I encounter many defeats, but i refuse to be defeated. In fact, I embrace this defeats because i have learnt that without them i would not know who I am or what can rise from  or how i can come out of It.

So to all women out there, Happy Women's Day

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me. 

Maya Angelou

                                         Salute to all women.

GUESS WHO's BACK

GUESS WHO IS BACK? 

Happy any holiday I have missed, hope life has been fair to you, I have seen my fair share of trial and tribulations since I have been away, but there has also been light at the end of that tunnel. I am raring to go, well till my next article, I wish you Good tidings.

Parting Shot: Just like flowers, women are created to give beauty to the world.

DEAR WOMEN

Dear Women,

First of all, we're sorry. We're sorry that although we look like men, we often act like boys. We're not even sure what it means to be men anymore. As we grow up, we learn that to be happy is to be self-indulgent and self-centered. We try to make enough money so that we can have the right TV with the right video games in the right home. We want to date you and maybe even marry you but we are scared to focus on someone else instead of ourselves. Isn't it sad that we see committing to you as a potential threat to our happiness instead of a wonderful opportunity?Here's what we don't understand: True happiness comes from being true men. We think and act like boys who don't want their toys taken away. We look up to "role models" in the media who teach us to get as much gratification out of life as possible. We may claim to be spiritual, or even firm atheists, but pleasure is the god that we worship, whether we realize it or not. Unfortunately, women tend to be just another part of our hedonistic lifestyle. Please know this: True men won't treat you like an irritating obstacle or a sexual convenience.A real man understands that women are to be cherished and treated with care and honor. He sees marriage as the opportunity to be a real-life superhero—he leaves behind his old identity and becomes a new person, dedicated to serving his wife and children. Although he will struggle at first, a true man who marries eventually understands that he can't fit through the narrow doorway to happiness if he tries to carry all of his toys with him. There is just enough room for him and his wife, arm in arm, committed to their marriage.Women, you can help us become real men! Most importantly, we want to feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are, even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us than we let on.In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We'll also try to learn to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us happy too! What a concept!Once again, we're sorry. We are to blame, even though good male role models are hard to find these days. We've ignored our calling to become true men and instead act like we're in high school for as long as we can. Please trust that we are capable of more than this.If you are frustrated with the man in your life, do your best to forgive him and start fresh. After a while, if it's clear that he will not become a real man, leave him. You deserve better.A healthy relationship will make everyone involved feel happy. When we are happy, we are capable of living meaningful and fulfilling lives alongside one another. Thank you for your understanding and patience as we journey onward to find happiness and become real men.

Sincerely,
Men

BIGGEST RELATIONSHIP MISTAKES

WOW. . . .it has been forever since i last wrote. . . . it has been an interesting 2 oh sorry 3 months in my life with a whole load of  stuff going on both good and bad. One of the worst things that happened( won't say it here) has been holding me ransom and i have been having a hard time letting go and moving on with well my life as it should be.  That is what got me thinking and i had to do a bit of research on the things that we ( both men and women) do wrong in our relationships. This list below really opened my eyes and made me see myself differently, but most of all it made me appreciate my relationship and most of all Mr. Right  So what are the biggest relationships mistakes we make: Kindly fill free to add to the list. . . 

1.  Forgetting to Be Friends

The root of a healthy relationship is friendship

2. Intentionally Saying Hurtful Things

(this is so me) Even when you are arguing with each other, don't say things that you know will hurt them. Don't disrespect them or say something that could affect them negatively.( I AM SORRY)

3. Not Resolving Conflict

It's become pretty popular to avoid saying "I'm sorry" at all costs these days. This may work for you if you'd like to make your partner feel terrible, but owning up to your mistakes will be worth it for both of you.

4.  Can't Handle Distance

It is not uncommon for someone to have a job that takes them far away at times. Some people are not cut out for a relationship like this but will make the mistake of trying to stick with it anyway. It may seem brutal to break it off because you can't handle the distance, but in the end you will only be saving each other from years of misery.

5. No Romance

Sure, feeling like you're in a chick flick can be pretty cheesy, but sometimes it's those cheesy little moments that really show your partner that you care.

6. Not Handling Embarrassment

A lot of people will accept being with someone that makes them feel embarrassed, or worse, someone that is embarrassed to be seen with them. Don't sell yourself short just because you're afraid of being alone. You owe them and yourself the respect to get out.

7.  Not Being on the Same Page

Some couples have a problem with one person feeling more committed than the other. Make sure you're on the same page about everything. 

8.  Not Seeing Things From Their View

You need empathy to get through any other relationship in your life -- with co-workers, your family, your friends -- why should it be different with your partner? (but doesn't mean its his side only)

9. Making Assumptions

One of the biggest assumptions made in a relationship is thinking that your partner is a certain way just because you met someone else that's that way too. The whole "all guys/girls are the same" idea gets old fast.

10.  Pretending to Like Things You Don't

This is a textbook mistake that people have been making since the beginning of time!(mainly sports yet all you want to do is bum with a good book and a large glass of wine) Be with someone that shares your interests or at least someone that respect your differences, you will be much happier.

11. Expecting Things to Change

This is a hard lesson for some people to learn, but you can't change your boyfriend/girlfriend. Only they can do that and only when they decide to. If you're waiting it out, expecting something wonderful to happen, you're only wasting your time.

12.  Constant Fighting

I have heard  that relationships where you don't fight. . . then gyal your man doesn't really care about you  but If you find yourself fighting nearly every day just to make yourself heard, it's probably time to head out or send your partner packing.

13Avoiding the Issues

Couples that argue all the time are not healthy, however couples that never discuss the tough issues may be worse. If you both keep sweeping problems under the rug and pretending to be happy, the downfall may be drastic.(hahahahaha)

Compiling this list was the most refreshing thing i did, i am pretty sure there are more goofs we all make i sure wouldn't mind hearing of them. . . please feel free to add

DADDY DEAREST

He never looks for praises

He's never one to boast

He just goes on quietly working

For those he loves the most

His dreams are seldom spoken

His wants are very few

And most of the time his worries

Will go unspoken too

He's there.... A firm foundation

Through all our storms of life

A sturdy hand to hold to

In times of stress and strife

A true friend we can turn to

When times are good or bad

One of our greatest blessings,

The man that we call Dad.

UNDERSTANDING LIFE

Life isn't just about keeping score, It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play,Or which guy likes you.


It's not about your shoes or your hair,or the color of your skin,or where you live or work. In fact it's not about grades, money or clothes. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends or if you are alone and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are.


Believe me life isn't about that.

Life is about who you love and who you hurt. it's about how you feel about yourself, it's about trust, happiness, and compassion. It's about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence.


It's about what you say and what you mean, it's about seeing people for who they are and not for what they have. Most of all it is choosing to use your life in a way that could have never been achieved otherwise.


These choices are what life's about.

IT'S OVER: Break- Up Letter

Dear Soon to be Ex

The saddest thing you can say to anyone is “goodbye,” but sometimes in life, it is the only thing one can say.it's sad but I’m writing you now, to say that very thing because I feel the distance that has grown between us and the unspoken words that we both have been keeping inside so as to not truly hurt one another. I know people, aside from ourselves, say and do things that influence how we feel or treat others around us. People can be cruel and unthinking at times. My life does not revolve around such people and things, but it’s obvious to me now, that you do. Lately our differences have become more of an issue and I guess our directions in life have changed so dramatically that to continue as friends would only become more hurtful to us both. I know you no longer wish to understand the person I am inside. I sensed it by your silence. I spent my whole life pretending to be someone else in order to please others. I am very comfortable now being who I am meant to be, that I will no longer put my own happiness aside to pacify anyone else, not even you. You have chosen your own path in life and I see now, it is without me. You have made your choice and I now, make mine. Our own paths no longer travel in the same direction so our parting as friends has all but been decided. I want to thank you, though, for the times we spent together, the great talks, and those moments that only friends can know. I also want to thank you for the memories I will carry with me of all the happier times we shared as friends. I rarely remember anything less. You helped me grow as a person and enjoy the gift that is friendship, even if only for this short time. I know people come into your life for a reason and not all remain, but in some ways, you will. I guess we’ve actually been saying goodbye to each other for some time now, but have both been reluctant to actually say the words. So now the words have been said and the time has come to put our friendship to rest. It is far better to part as friends and go on with life, than to continue on as we are, leading only to bitterness and hurt. Take care, be well, and know life will always find a way to help you through the saddest of times. I must leave you now, but in no way, will I ever forget you. Good Luck and God Bless!

Your loving Ex

Disclaimer: NOT IN ANY WAY CONNECTED TO MY RELATIONSHIP

LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT IN MY RELATIONSHIP

        Today we celebrate an anniversary. . . and i am reflecting on  all that we have been through. It has been an amazing FIVE  years with Mr. right and in all total honesty i LOVE our RELATIONSHIP.  It has not been easy thats for sure, we have had our tests and trials and i believe  many more are to come. . .What have i learnt in the past five years?

1. IT IS NOT ALL 50-50 -they tell us that we must give equally however  it rarely happens, at times its 30- 70 or even 60-40. What matters is that the 60 person isn't resentful of the person who is giving 40 percent.

2. YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR MATE - We are so good at the blame game and poor at pondering on how we can become better partners, too often people embark upon a relationship with the expectation of changing their partners into the ideal they want. I have learnt to try and change a person is a setup for a huge let down. . . get to know him and understand him then you will accept him.

3. YOU NEED MORE THAN LOVE - Love is a starting Point but to survive it, it needs to be tempered by tolerance, tenacity, humor and humility and even this is not a guarantee it will last .We just have to learn to apply coping skills.

4.OPPOSITES ATTRACT - While its helpful to have a lot in common with your significant other maintaing ones individuality is important. Imagine you can create whatever type of relationship you want by working together with your Significant other.

5.THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP - Their is no definitive 'right way" to be a good spouse or to handle any relationship challenge that life throws you. All you can do is what works for you rather than follow some standard.

6. NOBODY'S PERFECT - Instead of focusing on his shortcomings (hard as it may be) concentrate on the qualities that attracted you in the first place.

7. SEX IS IMPORTANT - It might not be everything but it registers higher on the "importance scale"Stop thinking of the Actual physical act. Touching carresing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

8. YOU JUST CANT VENT YOUR FEELINGS - Getting things off your chest might feel good but at times we blurt out stuff in the heat of the moment that you risk damaging a whole load of stuff.

9.YOU CANT CURE PROMISCUITY - Just because you are in a long term relationship it does not mean monogamy. 

          Yes it has not been a bed of roses but i would still go on this journey with Mr. Right. 

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close" Pablo Neruda,

CELEBRATION OF MY LIFE

God thank you for this beautiful day.I know you’ll make it perfect in every way. This day is very special to me for this is the day I was born you see. You would think that when reaching my 26th milestone of existence,I’d know a little something about life but I feel naïve to the world and its workings.I know nothing yet I am old enough to know better, but not old enough to be considered wise. 

They say i am young enough to still kick up my heals but not young enough to be considered adorable. You placed me on earth for a purpose I know and I am truly having fun. No, I am not doing anything crazy, wild or loud no, I really do not care if I am alone or with a crowd. For I am so happy deep down inside that I could burst out and sing..So yes, it’s my birthday today and my age is really no big deal.

I feel like I’ve just begun. Where do I want to be Ten years from now? Twenty? What do I hope to accomplish? What mark on the world will I leave? Good, bad, ugly, or nonexistent. Will I be any wiser or will I still feel like the amateur that I am? All I know, is that I have a young brain in an ever aging, always ticking body.

 So bring on the next 50 years, Life.I'm ready to tackle you and experience your crazy roller coaster ride of wonders. I will accomplish great things or die trying.That's a certainty.So bring on the cake, bring on the ice cream. Let's get this party started. Because  I still have a lot left to do. 

MAYBE. . . MAYBE NOT

Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong person before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe it is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours

SELF PROCLAIMED KNOW IT ALL

Recently, I hung out with a friend who repeatedly made disparaging comments about long term relationships, marriage etc… He is convinced that people in long term relationships are stupid and are not really happy (of course conveniently ignoring or maybe trying to take a slight jab at me since I am in a long term relationship.)

I just simply said that all people are different. Some people can be happy in long term relationships, some aren’t.  He wasn’t too convinced and continued to make cynical remarks, despite the fact (puzzlingly enough) his parents have been happily married for about 30 years, which he admits they seem pretty happy.

A lot of people who are staunchly against long term relationships/marriage are either 

a.) hurt too much by past experiences (but I’ve found many of those people can be rehabilitated) or 

b.) they’ve never been in an actual long term relationship or had any real experience with romance. 

Those who fall under the “b” category are usually the worst offenders.  (Just to note not ALL people who’ve never really experienced romance are cynical. In fact, I would say most aren’t.) I think those who are cynical towards love AND in the “b” category are that way because they are bitter.They hear about people making mistakes and falling in and out of love and they say “HA! YOU FOOLS!” As if they know better. As if their lack of experience simply makes them “smarter.”  As if they “chose” to not be in a relationship because they are so “smart.”

But how can they even know or understand if they’ve never even been in those people’s shoes? Honestly, if you do not have experience, why dole out advice on something you really know nothing at all about?

Whenever I hear about people having issues with their relationships, I don’t rush to judgment, because while I have relationship experience it doesn’t mean I necessarily understand EVERY issue in relationships.

All relationships are dynamic because every person involved is different. Sure they can be some guidelines on what is a successful relationship but it’s not the end all be all; different things work for different people.

So as you can tell, my friend falls under the “b” category. He’s never had a relationship. I’m not really sure he’s ever kissed a girl. There’s actually not much wrong with him so I’m not sure why he’s never been in any kind of romantic situation. But I think with every passing year (he’s now in his late 20s) he becomes more self-conscious of his “lack of experience” and in response he has the following defense mechanism:

“Obviously I’ve never been in a relationship because I CHOOSE not to, because relationships are dumb and only stupid people do it. And it’s a waste of time that prevents you from being successful and satisfied in life. After all it just leads to break-ups and what not etc…” Which is silly because he knows plenty of people who are in relationships and successful and happy.  Perhaps he wants to convince himself they really aren’t?

Ultimately, I think the smart thing to do is if you do not have much experience in romance or relationships you should give advice in a limited capacity.  Just like I wouldn’t ever try to dictate an opinion to a surgeon regarding some complicated surgery he is about to perform, simply because I have watched live surgeries and looked up procedures online. That would be dumb. The same goes for people who lack experience in romance, why act like an authority on a subject you have never experienced?

I guess I’m just frustrated. But do you agree? Shouldn’t people gauge their knowledge base and then respond accordingly? Or are you just like my friend, who thinks he knows everything despite lack of experience?  

OBTAINING HAPPINESS

 I will be the first to admit that there are ooop sorry i meant were times when i could get so low that i honestly have no idea where next...... I have searched for happiness in so many places...Funny enough i am experiencing such happiness that  i can't explain all i can say is that its Jehovah....you know it says in the book of Phillipians 4.7 that the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus. so thats the only way i can explain about my happiness......So as i did i realized that there are things that we each can do to make our lives a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go and letting God, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. so if you wanna experience a fraction of my joy then give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and embrace change. 

One would ask how feasible this is and its simple start by:

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT: It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL: Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are.

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME: Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK:Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS: Spread your wings and fly!

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING: Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM: We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS: Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. 

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE: Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

10. GIVE UP LABELS: Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS: Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES: Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST: I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. 

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT: This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. 

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS: Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their spouses, their partners and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

HOW TO BE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

"WE’RE CAPTAINS OF OUR SHIP: PARTNERSHIP, FRIENDSHIP"I heard this quote in a seminar i once attended and i had been questioning myself is it possible to be happy, in love, and have a relationship that lasts in today’s elec- tronic, e-mail, voice-mail culture? All people change over time,  people sometimes say that their partner has changed . "They're not the person i met all those years ago!' no - they're not. Chances are that you both have changed in many ways such as interests, confidence and attitudes.Most couples go through a number of stages in their relationships:

1.IN LOVE ...this is a time when couples wear rose-tinted glasses, and idealise each other.
 2.RECOGNISING DIFFERENCES .. begin to be aware of the differences between them, and become more realistic in their view of each other. 

3.I WANT TO BE ME …here you are learning how to be individuals and much of the energy of the two partners goes into establishing their own lifestyle 

4.TOGETHER BY CHOICE ...process of finding each other again, of seeking greater intimacy and deepening the relationship.  this phase represents the end of the journey from being "in love" to "loving". 

How do you know you are in a healthy relationship?

❏  You feel secure and happy when you’re together and alone—not sad, suspicious, angry, or deprived.  ❏  You are inspired by each other to fulfill your dreams and become the best you can be.  ❏  You are generous and giving—you want to give all you can to your partner, and are so fulfilled that you also want to give to everyone else around you.  Of course, every relationship goes through changes, let’s face it. you just don’t wake up one morning in a bad relationship. the un- healthy symptoms have been there all along—you just weren’t paying attention to them ... or you chose to ignore them. As in sawa you and him may have explosive sexual encounters, but how does he treat you outside the bedroom? like everything else that is worthwhile to achieve, you have to work at it. surviving the ups and downs becomes the glue that keeps you to- gether….Try the 6 H's  to a healthy relationship:

• 1. Honesty. 

Finances can be shaky, sex imperfect, stress overwhelming, but all those things can be overcome. Trust is essetial. If trust is broken, your heart is broken. Everything else seems to tumble down, prob- lems become less tolerable, and compromises less appealing.

• 2. Harmony.

Two people in love similarly make beautiful music together. They don’t need to be the same; in fact, they are more well-rounded when they have differences, like the harmonized musical notes. Their in- dividual choices of notes fit. Y

• 3. Heart.

The heart is the major organ of the body. It. Having “heart” for one another means nourishing each other. Opening your heart to one another exposes your deepest feelings. And connecting your hearts binds you deeply and inextricably

• 4. Honor.

It’s a word used in marriage vows for a reason. Honoring each other means holding each other in high esteem, considering each other’s needs, and respecting each other—and an even more revered consideration of each other, worshipping each other. 

• 5. Healing.

You may have to suffer through love wars before you find your one true love. The rejections and hurts along this path require healing in order to open up your heart again. A true love partner becomes a haven from the hurts of the past, while providing a new positive example of how nur- turing love can be.

• 6. Hot.

Satisfying, sensuous, and erotic sex can certainly be a part of the healthy relationship equation. Having such a healthy sexual connection can increase your intimacy and bind you closer together.

TO BE CONTINUED

THE UNWANTED ONE

I am only 4 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.  Today I learned how to suck my thumb.If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It's so nice and warm in here.

You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and finebut I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you.

He said that I'm not a baby.I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel, Mommy, what's abortion?I can hear that doctor again.I don't like him.He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home.The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it!

Mommy! HELP me!

I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

AN ABORTION 

Is Just . . One more heart that was stopped.Two more eyes that will never see.Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.....

DEAR GUYS

Dear Guys;

I know way too many really beautiful girls who think they don't look good... It hurts... because it's your fault. You make girls feel like they have to be perfect. You know what I mean, flat stomach, huge boobs, round ass, long legs, big lips, and on top of all that, nobody can measure up to that... and its not fair... because nobody should have to. The little imperfections are what make us special. If everyone was perfect the world would be so boring, variety is what makes life interesting. So guys, stop making girls have to live up to your, deluded fantasy visions of perfection. Stop acting like boys and start being men... realize that women don't exist to fulfill your sexual desires. Stop talking to them solely to get with them, be nice to them because you want to be their friend, not because you want to hook up with them. Say nice things about them not to flatter them in hopes that you'll get some, but because you know they like to hear them. In short…you need to grow up and stop being dicks... just because you have them doesn't mean you need to think with them

From 

Girls

FRENEMY

I am your constant companion, I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onwards or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half of the things you do might just as well turn over to me and i will be able to do them quickly and correctly.| am easily managed _ you must merely be firm with me, show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons i will do it automatically.

I am the servant of all great men and alas of all failures as well. Those who are great i have made great….those who are failures  i have made failures. i am not a machine though i work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin_ it makes no difference to me.

Take me ,train me, be firm and i will place the world at your feet, be easy with me and i will destroy you.

Who am I?

I AM HABIT

DEAR MOM AND DAD

Sometimes I know the words to say, to give thanks for all you've done but then they fly up and away.How could I possibly thank you enough?The one's to whom I owe my life. The one's  who stopped my crying,The one's who were the expert at picking up when i was lying. The one's who made such sacrifices,to always put me first, Who let me test my broken wings in spite of how it hurts.

Who painted the world as a rainbow when it's filled with broken dreams? Who explained it all so clearly, When nothing was what it seems? Are there really any words for this? I find this question tough... Anything i want to say, just doesn't seem enough.What way is there to thank you? For your heart,your sweat,your tears,for ten thousand little things you've done,For oh-so many years. For changing with me as i changed accepting all my flaws,not loving 'cause you had to, But loving "just because."

For never giving up on me,when your wits had reached their end,for always being proud of me, for being my best friends and so i have come to realize, the only way to say thank you that's enough,is clear in just one way.Look at me before you, see what I've become, do you see yourselves in me?The job that you have done? All your hopes and all your dreams, the strength thats no one sees,a transfer over many years,your best was past on to me.

Thank you for the gifts you gave,for everything you do but most of all, thank you for allowing me to make  my dreams come true.

Love,
Your Daughter

THE POWER OF PRAYER

Have you ever been so low that you have absolutely no idea on what is next? their is a statement that i love it says when you hit rock bottom the only place is up? Many of us we really take prayer lightly as in when we are in problems that is when i we pray..........Recently in Kenya a helicopter landed in a woman's shamba,  we ridiculed the whole story, and conversations of the rich and mighty  in our country were the hit topics in our social media sites...... this was her story  .....I QUOTE HER......

"at the start of this season i didn't have money to cultivate my land, as i was bedridden with Malaria and at the same time i didn't have enough money. so i opted to grow sweet potatoes and mihogo of which i got the grafting from a neighbor."

"but they  did not do as well as i thought and my only son had been chased from  highschool due to a fees balance of 11,000Kshs."

"on Sunday the little i thought i would get from the farm was destroyed when a helicopter landed on my farm due to bad weather. It attracted a huge crowd and they really stamped on my crops"

"Alas as the weather cleared the pilot and the owner of the helicopter reached his pocket and gave me 21,000Kshs and said he was just compensating for the damage caused due to his Helicopter landing on my farm."

never in my life have i made such a harvest, my son is back to class and will do KNEC exams this year" "INDEED GOD WORKS IN A MYSTERIOUS WAY"

at your lowest moments....when hope is gone,.....Dont loose hope. God uses any means to bless you and when he does your sorrow will be gone

This is what happens when we get on our knees: it was all over the news this week. She prayed and GOD answered her payers. This happened so you may believe that GOD is there, alive and hears our prayers. God has given you a chance, MUMIA, dont gobble it.    Read on.................................

FUNDAMENTALS OF WOMEN(for men)

This list is what i believe that every man should know about women, its certainly not all inclusive as there are literally millions of things that men could and probably should learn about women, but probably never will. This list is simply an abstract, a compilation of things that many men already know and for the benefit of those who do not.

1 We are  stronger than you are. Emotionally that is. Yeah,we may cry easier than men, but just watch what happens as time rolls on. No matter what, they're still there, standing strong, long after the men have left the building.

2 - OH we hate bras. wee can never get them to fit and we hate the way they're advertised. We also don't like how men react to bras.

3.1. Saying "i love you" or doing other cutesy things don't count if they're only done when you're in trouble. In fact, they will be completely ignored.

4.  Playfulness turns us on. Women like to tease and be teased.

5. We can't promise that we won't get mad when you tell the truth, but we WILL be even madder if you lie.

 6. We don't always smell good. It's true. No matter how sweet and feminine, there are times when a woman can make a man want to hold his nose and run.

 7. Contrary to popular belief, most women won't try to blackmail you with sex, but if we're unhappy with you, we won't be "in the mood". If you want some action, you need to make us happy.

8.We want to be the most important thing in your life at least ahead of gaming, pokemon, and your favorite band.

 9. Most women can take care of themselves, but it's cute when you're A LITTLE protective of us. Small things like calling to make sure we made it home safely go a long way. (That's also why we have you get rid of bugs -- that small demonstration of taking care of us.)

10. We like neck and ear stuff more than you think. we like to be nuzzled for a long time. In fact, they are never done with that before you are.

11. Women like frequent small shows of affection. Gross PDA is not encouraged, but things like a quick hug from behind or running your hand across our shoulders as you walk by is adorable.

12.Women love to be complimented and aren't ashamed to show it. They love especially to hear nice things about those things they are most self-conscience about.

13.We feel flattered when hit on, no matter how yucky you are. It's true, even if we blow you off and act like you're not worthy.

14.Women and sleep, it's a very special relationship; one that you'd be wise to respect.

15.We expect you to hate the same things and people as we do. It's called loyalty

16. We know stuff about you we won't ever tell you about. It's true. It might even be stuff you don't know about yourself.

17.Our relationship with shoes is none of your business. So there is no reason to mention it, right?

18. We will always be jealous and intimidated by other women, we just can't help it. This will include your exes, your mother and even your sisters

19.We aren't as obsessed with your size as you probably are.

20. Once you've fallen in a toilet, you'll understand why we ask you to put the seat down.

21.Even nice girls like suggestive things whispered to them in public.

22. Even if we respect and love them, we don't want to be compared to our mothers.

23.A woman is not a vagina with legs.

24. Sorry to pop the myth, but women have bodily functions too.

25.No quality woman will expect you to blow hundreds of dollars on her for pricey dates and expensive gifts. But surprises and the occasional outing will earn you brownie points.

26.We will judge you if you spend more time on your appearance than we do.

27. Foreplay is very important.

28.If they love you, there is no changing their mind. No matter what idiotic thing you do, there is nothing you can do to change her heart. Though, you ought to keep in mind, this does not mean she won't leave you anyway

29. When watching a movie together, cuddling is a must.

LAST BUT DEFINATELY NOT LEAST 

30.They will do practically anything for you if you truly love them. It's true, women are asked to do some incredibly odd things by men, and they do them, for no better reason then because they feel love