Babies seem to be everywhere these days. and if you are like me this is the most painful and sweetest thing to see (irony I know). Since I could remember I have wanted a child, a human being to love and treasure, to teach what is good and right in the eyes of Jehovah. A person to give affection, a person to love. But the sad thing is this is never coming. For ages I knew my purpose on earth was to be a mother. Why, you may ask? Coz I have this void I want to fill, some part of me is incomplete. I have such mothering instincts its scares me. Illogical I know but who can question emotions. I just suffered a miscarriage and the anguish and torment that has filled me is immense, the tears flow so freely nothing I can do can stop it even movies on TV are in cahoots with each other. One never thinks that even though it’s a miscarriage or a still birth one feels a bond for this child whom you will never here cry, whom you will never hold but you will always love.
So how old am I to be in such turmoil you may ask. I am a mere 24yr old, not yet married (in the Works though) to many my age is so young yet a child. But my heart and hurt beg to differ. I do not think barrenness regardless of age, religion or social group has different effects. We all languish every month when what is supposed to be a gift turns to a curse (Menses) when you are done questioning yourself and blaming yourself. When you have done all that you can do within your means literally at ropes end. What next?
I know am young, I know it’s still early, I know all I need to know but that doesn’t mean it stops hurting every time I lose a baby. Does someone understand this turmoil, this hurt, this misery am living in. am tired of pretending I can do it, I am tired of the hurt, I am sick and tired of it all. I am trying to maintain the happy face everyone expects, while inside; the truth is eating me alive knowing I can't change it no matter how hard I try.
Disclaimer written in tears
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Violence against women
How many people do you know in violent relationships? What would you do if anyone you knew was in such a relationship? What would your answer be? Well this question was recently posed to me and my answer was I am fortunate to know none. And what would I do? I would get them help. Naïve of me I know but I mean a real Man never hits a woman or makes her feel like she is worthless. So I thought but it seems in Africa and Kenya in particular, Women and children are often in great danger in the place where they should be safest: within their families. For many, ‘home’ is where they face a regime of terror and violence at the hands of somebody close to them – somebody they should be able to trust. Those victimized suffer physically and psychologically. Their human rights are denied and their lives are stolen from them by the ever-present threat of violence.
It seems that domestic violence has been a long-standing problem in Kenya, particularly in rural areas. Deeply engrained beliefs about gender roles and marriage have encouraged the practice. In a patriarchal society, domestic violence is actually recognized as one way of disciplining one's wife. In fact, even the society socializes you as a woman to anticipate this discipline. It is so deeply inculcated in many peoples' minds that you have women who say when they have not been beaten; their husbands have stopped loving them. When people talk about abuse we concentrate on physical abuse and the frequency of the said abuse, a woman will say that she has never encountered violence as her husband/partner has only hit her once. Does the infrequency of it stop it from being abuse?
Violence in women is not just physical but also sexual and Emotional. Violence against women goes beyond beatings, its forced marriages, marital rape, sexual harassment, intimidation at work and school, forced pregnancies, forced abortions and many more where the rights of the woman are infringed upon. Apparently in an educated society, violence against women is on the rise, many have said this is due to poverty and alcoholism. But don’t you think this is plain cowardice on the perpetuator of the violence?
One then is forced to ask so how come the women in the said relationships stay is it due to love, responsibility for their children or have they been socialized to accept that it is in order to be beaten, and that there is no need to report such matters. I know there are women coming forward because more are aware that violence is wrong and that it's more than just physical, and more believe that it is acceptable to walk away from an abusive situation. This then leads me to wonder, does the indifference by the police force play a part in discouraging women from reporting violence?
How then can we reduce the numbers of people in violent situations? This calls for an awareness creation exercise to let women know that being beaten or violated is inhuman. The government also needs to know that setting new laws on the books is not enough. Law enforcement and court mechanisms also have to be made friendly and accessible to women, in all regions. We all have a role to play, let’s play it to make our country, a friendlier place for our sisters, daughters, mothers and even grandmothers.
It seems that domestic violence has been a long-standing problem in Kenya, particularly in rural areas. Deeply engrained beliefs about gender roles and marriage have encouraged the practice. In a patriarchal society, domestic violence is actually recognized as one way of disciplining one's wife. In fact, even the society socializes you as a woman to anticipate this discipline. It is so deeply inculcated in many peoples' minds that you have women who say when they have not been beaten; their husbands have stopped loving them. When people talk about abuse we concentrate on physical abuse and the frequency of the said abuse, a woman will say that she has never encountered violence as her husband/partner has only hit her once. Does the infrequency of it stop it from being abuse?
Violence in women is not just physical but also sexual and Emotional. Violence against women goes beyond beatings, its forced marriages, marital rape, sexual harassment, intimidation at work and school, forced pregnancies, forced abortions and many more where the rights of the woman are infringed upon. Apparently in an educated society, violence against women is on the rise, many have said this is due to poverty and alcoholism. But don’t you think this is plain cowardice on the perpetuator of the violence?
One then is forced to ask so how come the women in the said relationships stay is it due to love, responsibility for their children or have they been socialized to accept that it is in order to be beaten, and that there is no need to report such matters. I know there are women coming forward because more are aware that violence is wrong and that it's more than just physical, and more believe that it is acceptable to walk away from an abusive situation. This then leads me to wonder, does the indifference by the police force play a part in discouraging women from reporting violence?
How then can we reduce the numbers of people in violent situations? This calls for an awareness creation exercise to let women know that being beaten or violated is inhuman. The government also needs to know that setting new laws on the books is not enough. Law enforcement and court mechanisms also have to be made friendly and accessible to women, in all regions. We all have a role to play, let’s play it to make our country, a friendlier place for our sisters, daughters, mothers and even grandmothers.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
DOES LOVE FADE
They say Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical. I have been having an ongoing argument on whether you love your Husband/fiancée/ boyfriend or are you in love with them? Apparently being in love is something that women have concocted anyway I don’t want to talk on love, the sweet butterfly kiss feeling. No I want to talk about this side of love:
Love’s first blushing fading? Lost that loving feeling? Love is not all around?
Are this just clichés or does it actually happens? When you started your relationship you had powerful feelings of love towards your partner, but these have now faded. Or you find, you have become bored with the relationship and wonder whether it will last. What happens in a long-term partnership when one half of the team feels as though he or she is falling out of love? Is the love really gone? Or are Most of us probably allured by the attractive notion that effortless relationships exist. Whether it be happily-ever-after marriages, or friendships which last forever, or parent/child bonds which supersede the need to understand each other, or is Love a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief?
Love’s first blushing fading? Lost that loving feeling? Love is not all around?
Are this just clichés or does it actually happens? When you started your relationship you had powerful feelings of love towards your partner, but these have now faded. Or you find, you have become bored with the relationship and wonder whether it will last. What happens in a long-term partnership when one half of the team feels as though he or she is falling out of love? Is the love really gone? Or are Most of us probably allured by the attractive notion that effortless relationships exist. Whether it be happily-ever-after marriages, or friendships which last forever, or parent/child bonds which supersede the need to understand each other, or is Love a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
WHY MEN BEHAVE BADLY
“Kwani all men must have kids with some woman whom is not their partner?” Was the beginning of a heated conversation with the girls on a random Sunday afternoon? My answer was hell no, then I was asked to go through my list of “boys” and the sad fact is most of my friends do have Baby Mamas whom they do not necessarily see but assist with the child.
This got me thinking Why Do men Cheat.Recently the Time Magazine had an interesting article on SEX, LIES and ARROGANCE: What Makes Powerful Men behave so badly. They tried to blame the Three Vices on why men cheat but I beg to differ. For the purposes of this blog just hear me out: I think men be they rich, poor or just comfortable will cheat and it has no reason to do with Sex LIES AND ARROGANCE and this has to do with according to one Cyril Connor “that it’s the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which is the prime cause of infidelity, that infallible rejuvenator”
i mean think about families, friends or just a cousins- friends- sister who has had either a woman who comes out of the wall claiming they are in love with your husband/ boyfriend/ fiancée or a child dumped in your house and the child is calling your husband/ boyfriend/ fiancée Daddy. I am not trying to say that if one cheats with so and so they have to fall in love or a baby has to be the fruit of an affair. It’s just somehow, some way it always comes out of the woodwork. If you don’t believe me then watch Cheaters with Joey Greco and its millions of fun or so I hear (( Nothing against the programme, but I think its trashy) or ask those who watch it what their obsession is.
We know of many women who have stayed with their partners after they have cheated, some really famous people and some not so famous people me included. ( just to digress) if you stay with your partner after he has cheated on you, then do you open a new account somewhere go to adultfriend finder and get yourself a hook up? I mean si he also cheated. It’s not easy (speaking from experience). anyway when I choose to stay someone asked me whether it’s a sign of weakness on my part and for the longest of times that was my battle then I realized The ability to forgive someone makes you a better and stronger human being. It takes greater strength of character to rebuild a relationship after an affair, than to just give up and quit. But this is only once you realize that the only person responsible for the adultery is the adulterer and that the relationship wasn't as good as it could be because if it were there would've been no reason to cheat. May sound harsh, but it's true. Therefore do not go back to the relationship as was . but What happens if it occurs again? I will let you know in the next blog.
This got me thinking Why Do men Cheat.Recently the Time Magazine had an interesting article on SEX, LIES and ARROGANCE: What Makes Powerful Men behave so badly. They tried to blame the Three Vices on why men cheat but I beg to differ. For the purposes of this blog just hear me out: I think men be they rich, poor or just comfortable will cheat and it has no reason to do with Sex LIES AND ARROGANCE and this has to do with according to one Cyril Connor “that it’s the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which is the prime cause of infidelity, that infallible rejuvenator”
i mean think about families, friends or just a cousins- friends- sister who has had either a woman who comes out of the wall claiming they are in love with your husband/ boyfriend/ fiancée or a child dumped in your house and the child is calling your husband/ boyfriend/ fiancée Daddy. I am not trying to say that if one cheats with so and so they have to fall in love or a baby has to be the fruit of an affair. It’s just somehow, some way it always comes out of the woodwork. If you don’t believe me then watch Cheaters with Joey Greco and its millions of fun or so I hear (( Nothing against the programme, but I think its trashy) or ask those who watch it what their obsession is.
We know of many women who have stayed with their partners after they have cheated, some really famous people and some not so famous people me included. ( just to digress) if you stay with your partner after he has cheated on you, then do you open a new account somewhere go to adultfriend finder and get yourself a hook up? I mean si he also cheated. It’s not easy (speaking from experience). anyway when I choose to stay someone asked me whether it’s a sign of weakness on my part and for the longest of times that was my battle then I realized The ability to forgive someone makes you a better and stronger human being. It takes greater strength of character to rebuild a relationship after an affair, than to just give up and quit. But this is only once you realize that the only person responsible for the adultery is the adulterer and that the relationship wasn't as good as it could be because if it were there would've been no reason to cheat. May sound harsh, but it's true. Therefore do not go back to the relationship as was . but What happens if it occurs again? I will let you know in the next blog.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Voters Conundrum
The Kenyan government has called for all Kenyans to register afresh ahead of the referendum ……Why do I have to register as a voter???????? I mean so as to vote for the same people who will still be in power come on…… In Kenya the people continue to have little say once their votes are cast. Many Kenyans remember the 2007 violence that that followed the elections. The skirmishes were unexpected and three years down the line the internally displaced people are yet to be allocated homes and are refugees in their own country……
I ask again why do I have to be a voter?????? When the peace accord was signed following a prelude that appeared to last forever Kenyans’ hopes soared. The coalition government was seen as the saviour that was going to deliver peace and the elusive jobs. Our hopes have certainly been dashed - food, scarce before is now harder to get and prices are stratospheric; the violence has ebbed but true reconciliation remains an elusive dream. And the only jobs that have been created appear to be of additional ministers! The government has limped from one loud quarrel to another with ceasefires lasting long enough for parliament to approve budgets so that politicians can continue drawing massive salaries. Rivalries within and outside parties abound. Scandals such as those on the sale of contaminated maize and Triton join a long list of unresolved cases that have cost Kenyans millions. Our politicians without a doubt are a rotten lot. But what does that say about the people that voted them in? As the old adage goes, the people get the leaders they deserve.
So I ask again why do I need to be a registered voter?
I ask again why do I have to be a voter?????? When the peace accord was signed following a prelude that appeared to last forever Kenyans’ hopes soared. The coalition government was seen as the saviour that was going to deliver peace and the elusive jobs. Our hopes have certainly been dashed - food, scarce before is now harder to get and prices are stratospheric; the violence has ebbed but true reconciliation remains an elusive dream. And the only jobs that have been created appear to be of additional ministers! The government has limped from one loud quarrel to another with ceasefires lasting long enough for parliament to approve budgets so that politicians can continue drawing massive salaries. Rivalries within and outside parties abound. Scandals such as those on the sale of contaminated maize and Triton join a long list of unresolved cases that have cost Kenyans millions. Our politicians without a doubt are a rotten lot. But what does that say about the people that voted them in? As the old adage goes, the people get the leaders they deserve.
So I ask again why do I need to be a registered voter?
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